Rawr is "I love you" in dinosaur...

I'm bringing sexay back...though not really cos it's just me

2011-09-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

Hey ho hello hi and bonjour!

I am such a terrible awful awful blogger, I have written far too many of these "hey I'm back, I'm sorry for not writing more, love you guys!" posts

I completely lost my password and have had a hell of a time remembering it (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it) so ladies I do apologize so very very much for disappearing!

I've done some quite exciting new grown up things since we last spoke such as moving out of home, applying for proper like grown up jobby things, and learning how to say "No" to karaoke (this I believe is my greatest achievement) but imagine my awesome and lovely surprise that when I did log back in I had TEN brand spanking new followers! I must warn you new folks this blog is mostly drivel mingled with my mad desire to tell you all about my sex life or to be more accurate my masturbation habits and past sexual disasters.

But I am resolute to keep this blog alive as long as there are people out there willing to read it.

I am therefore promising you all a post (and a vlog very exciting) in the next week to make up for July and Augusts total lack of activity.

so for now my sweet hearts I bid you fare thee well and I WILL BE BACK SOON!

If I'm not I give you all full permission to abuse me on my twitter page until I do something

For now my darlings I say as always

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x

Text NUNNERY-DRAG KING AND BURLESQUE FUN!

2011-07-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Wanna see me dressed as a very cute boy, meet some hot ladies, have a good dance, have a few shots and confess your sins??

Then pop down to The Nunnery

Nuns giving out twisted communion and more till 11pm! Men are allowed in after 11 for monastery of sound to dance the night away with camp club classics! Not to be missed

£3 before half 10/£5 after. R.O.A.R @Mynt Belfast

If you like me then you should have put a ring on it...me...whatevs

2011-07-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

Be proud of me blog fans!

It has now been an entire month since I have had any sort of physical sexual contact with a lady...excluding any drunken gropes that may or may not have happened cos you know that doesn't count.

2 weeks since I replied to a drunken text

and about 3 minutes since I last thought about sex...damn I lost the game.

But in the past month I have given up women and it hasn't been for a lack of interest, on the contrary it seems I have become (for reasons no one will understand) a sort of catnip for single females of the gay variety in the Belfast area. Now don't take this as a boast my dear few readers, I am as baffled by this as anyone if not more so, I'm chalking it up to people needing a fat gf to make them look better in summer holiday snaps and a chemical imbalance in the water.

But after a 6 months where I seem to have lived through every single lesbian dating stereotype disaster I have deiced enough is enough. I'm just fed up with drama so I decided to make a list of women I should avoid in order to have a drama free relationship/ dating environment:

Women with Boyfriends: you'd think this was pretty self explanatory but sadly no I have a habit of being bi-sexual taken girls little bit of lesbian ruff. I put it down to my boyish good looks (snark) and my total availability and lack of lesbian GFs. I do need to stop letting my vagina do all the thinking in these situations though because I hate being the other woman, I used to think it's all I'd ever be good for but I've since discovered I'm actually pretty cute and a damn good catch for a real life single lady who wants me so I'm about to man the fuck up and end my cycle of being a home wrecker.

Women who demand instant commitment: I'm going to let you in on a little secret...I am a total commitment-phobe well in terms of traditional lesbian dating ritual. Call me crazy but I think it takes more than 3 dates to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone but apparently not so much. I need to avoid girls who just leap from one relationship to another and want me to adopt Chinese babies and rent u-hauls trucks (not an easy feet considering I live in a country that does not HAVE u-haul trucks) This is easier said than done, apparently sane, coherent, and sensible ladies can turn into frothy mouthed, multiple texting, angry email and all dropping the "L" word insanely early MONSTER without a politely worded letter to explain that is a possibility! *shudder*

Woman with red hair: They are my absolute DOWN-FALL, I'm not saying anything about what kind of girls they are but they tend to turn me into watery, dribbley mess, and I loose all self control and become a "pootie chasing dawg" in the words of the ever gracious Kit Porter.

Woman who do not know I exist: Oh Sue Perkins I do not care that you are 20 years older than me and would never consider me as wife material but le sigh I can not get you off my mind! I have a serious problem with fantasizing about celesbians that I'd consider "top tottie" and how we are actually in fully formed coherent relationships. Yeah...I know I'm working on that just as soon as Kristin and I get the new curtains in and Jo Frost gets the kids in college :D

Woman who are not real: Fictional characters fall into the above category of "when emuh has too much time on her hands and let's her imagination run away with her". I just want the dream romance ala Tipping the Velvet (ok bad example) but I just AM Nan...I even have the good looks of a boy as she...FINE I'm a bit sad and don't get out much and imagining myself seducing Amy Pond in the Tardis wearing a fez and a bow tie....bloody ding

Unfortunately my exact type seems to be fictional taken bi-sexual red head crazy commitment wanting girls sigh....AMY POND! SUPER NANNY!! THAT REALLY HOT GIRL FROMM THAT FILM I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!

So...

I'm going back to Gaydar to trawl for some clunge

Cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x

The Key to Happiness

2011-06-19T05:36:00.000-07:00

So you know the way I had massive news?

I don't really want to get too over excited yet but seeing as it's so close to happening I thought I'd share.

There's a 98% chance I will be moving in with my writting partner and lesbian bestie Gemma by the end of July :D

I'm really really hoping this happens because Gemma is awesome and I NEED to move out of my mums house. I still have some details to take care of in reguards of helping mum with bills and getting a room mate agreement drawn up but I feel pretty confident this is gonna happen.

It's gonna be a lesbian barbie dream house except without the hot pink (boke) and with a lot more vodka.

So that's part one of the big news I'll report back with part two asap so stay tuned.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

I LIVE!!

2011-06-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

Hello my few and faitful followers I am here to procalim that I am not dead!

I shall be back in a week or two once I get my laptop back, I am currently mooching off my friend Gemma and muh as I love her, we all know I blog better at 3am when madness sets in.

I have quite a lot to tell you guys and I'm very excited.

My life may be changing drastically in the next month or so and I'm very excited.

I also pinkie promise to keep this blog up better with lesbionic topics of lesbianity.

I miss you guys

Keep the faith

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

GAY SEX!!

2011-04-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

and now that I have your attention let me talk to you about gay sex.

I've gotten a few questions from young gay ladies about "OMG IT'S THE FIRST TIME WHAT DO I DO!?!?!" and the simple answer is whatever you feel comfortable with, there are no rules, and I'm sorry there is NO instruction manual (I looked trust me).

The first time I had sex with a woman was fucking petrifying, I wasn't really ready for it and in hindsight wish I'd have waited but I was very much in love and we were in Dublin and it was romantic, and she was American, and going home and and and....sigh. The following may be tmi but basically I erm "Dined downstairs" had no idea what I was doing and basically tried my best based on stuff I'd read in "The Joy of Lesbian Sex", the L word and the moans emitting from the headboard of the bunk bed.

However the first time I let a woman touch me at all she tried to fist me, the girl after that wouldn't even go near my vagina annnnd then things got slightly better. My life is one sexual disaster after another it seems but the key is to take it too seriously.

Don't panic, assuming you're with someone you trust there won't be a 5 inch thick dildo and a bunch of straps and wires to cope with. Let them know it's your first time and that you need to take it slow, if it's both your first times relax with each other and just start with kissing and not to sound like a total hippy sex counselor explore each other. It's going to be awkward, there's no way to avoid it, the first time you have sex with anyone it's going to be awkward, but it can be beautifully so. And don't feel just because you've started you have to finish the first time you're naked with whoever you're with take it at your own pace.

To give you some frank and honest advice the best thing (in my opinion) to do is just touch her, caress her all over and slowly work your way to her lady parts. This won't only give you some time to chillax it can be very arousing just being together and feeling each others touch can be one of the most pleasant things about sex in general not just lesbian sex, but I think it's one of the perks of lesbianism is the way a woman touches you is very different to the way a man touches you. Don't just go shoving as many fingers inside of her and jam away like they do in those pathetic porno, start slowly with one or two running around her pussy, don't neglect her clit either and just listen to what she wants. Communication is the absolute key because some people prefer being penetrated some people prefer just straight up clit stimulation don't be afraid to ask her. The one piece of advice I would give for penetration is the "come hither" finger movement and not so much in and out but more caressing her inside, and to quote the great Alice Pieszecki "circles, circles are good"

When it comes to "taking the plunge" so to speak I'd again say take your time and USE YOUR WHOLE TOUNGE if it's not for you don't think that doesn't make you not gay, there's more to sex than just oral.

The best advice I can give is communication, I'd recommend this for all sex but especially your first time. For the most part girls won't expect you go down on them the first time you sleep with them because it can be a little intense and don't be afraid to say "I'm not ready for that yet" . Also don't be afraid to ask her if what you're doing feels good a simple "is that ok?" will suffice and incidentally it's very fucking sexy to know the person you're sleeping with cares enough to ask.

All in all losing your gay virginity is no less or no more complicated than the first time you have straight sex, the key is to be relaxed, ready and communicate.

Have fun and play safe guys

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

I love Penis!

2011-04-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

OMG the best thing in he world has to be Penis!

I just love cock, schlong, willies, dicks, wieners, pricks all ALL of them

I love them a lot almost as much as I love the things they are attached to

Boys and penis ftw!

cioa bella

Em
x

I think she likes me....

2011-03-04T15:10:00.000-08:00

and I know I like her!

I couldn't be bothered to type all this out...plus I wanted to mime to that song

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

A Gay Girls Guide to Gaydar-how to actually get a date off it

2011-02-15T13:41:00.000-08:00

Ok so you and the love of your life have broken up, or you're just having no luck in the dating department, what is the first thing your lesbian friends will say to you....

"Get yourself on gaydar it is crawling with clunge"

But how does one approach the daunting task of gaydar?

Here is my quick and easy guide to getting yourself a date (all based on my own experience so you know it's not guaranteed success)

Step 1-Create Profile: using your wit and measure write some none pretentious lines about yourself without sound desperate, I know that's not easy when you're on a dating site but try to think about how it looks. For instance you could be a stunner ala Rihanna but if you write like a 14 year old chav on bebo it'll put a lot of people off as you're clearly not mentally capable of stringing a proper sentence together, so just use words instead of letters and you should be fine...also DO NOT write something like the following:

"I WANT TO FIND MY SOUL MATE, WILL YOU LOVE ME! PLEASE LOVE ME! I'LL LOVE YOU! LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ME!!!"

That is both off putting and you'll only attract creepy stalker chicks who will love you too much

BONUS TIP: when you pick your pictures and you have more than one option always try to include a full shot of you because the full face shot can be very deceptive, so you may meet someone who thinks you're pretty but then your body type may not be their thing. It saves a lot of heart ache trust me on that one :)

Step 2- Browse the profiles in your location look for the fit girls: Nuff said

Step 3 -If you see someone you like MESSAGE THEM: Unlike the rest of the world of lesbian dating just starring at some girl all night will not get you anywhere, you have to be brave, toss the net out and if she doesn't reply then she doesn't it's not the end of the world.

Step 4- Be flirty but not creepy: don't start immediately asking for sex, unless they ask first...

Step 5- The Facebook Rule: OK so you've been messaging for a while and she doesn't seem crazy and she asks to add you to fb...you can add away just you know be ready for all those embarrassing photos of you to get looked at...and if she de-friends you immediately...don't get too offended

Step 6- Ask her out: In my experience the best first date tends to be coffee/a drink because they can be as short or as long as you like and there isn't a lot of pressure and you are able to talk and get to know each other

Step 7- Ask her out AGAIN

Step 8- If all goes well BAM! girlfriend!

Step 9- Break up: THAT BITCH! I AM SO DELETING HER FROM FACEBOOK!

Step 10- Hover over the delete button, change your mind and look at all her profile pictures: But she is so pretty :(

Step 11- Get drunk and passively aggressively tweet about your now ex: "Don't you hate it when people can't get you off!" or "I never liked cats I only said I did"

Step 12- Have overly heated text message battles that lead you no where and eat up your free texts

Step 13- God her profile picture is so fit, you met her online and what harm could it do to send her a flirty email?

Step 14- Stare at her Gaydar Profile to see how many new views she's got

Step 15- Ask your friends to look at your profile to boost your numbers

Step 16- realise you're crazy

Step 17- write a lengthy apology email

Step 18- Flirt your way back into her good books

Step 19- Realise she is with someone else (most likely her ex) and that isn't you so you're doomed to be forever alone

Step 20- Get drunk and cry

Step 21- Hangover times

Step 22- Realise that actually you only dated for a week or two and that every thing's going to be ok: Listen to your friends and get the hell back on that horse

Step 23- Get your ass back on Gaydar and repeat steps 2 through 8 it is only life after all ;)

Cherry Cherry boom boom

Em
x

And now for something completly different....

2011-02-10T13:09:00.000-08:00

Blog fans

This isn't going to be one of my simply HILLLLLARIOUS looks at life as a failing lesbian Lothario , so please feel free to ignore me until I come back next week with another entry.

Tomorrow marks the 9th anniversary of the worst day of my life.

My dad, who was my hero and best friend died on the 11th February 2002 and was cremated on Valentines day. Hence my hatred of this time of year....

But while I have grown up, and the pain of his loss has eased slightly this year has had a slightly strange effect on me.

As the only person who loved me for being myself, and liked me the way I was it was extremly hard to lose him.

But now all I keep thinking "would he be proud of me?"

If I spoke to him now would the person I've grown into still be someone he'd love unconditionally?

I can't denay that I've changed a lot from the 13 year old girl that used to look up at him.

and since my life isn't exactly what I want it to be and I'm not proud of myself it's made me feel extra bad that I've let him down.

He always told me I could do and be anything I set my mind to and now that I'm just existing I feel like a total failure

would he even LIKE me now?

it's all such a complicated swirl of emotions in my poor head that I'm trying to figure out

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Because I have nothing better to do....and have writters block

2011-02-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

The stoopid things meme:

level 1

() Smoked A Cigarette

() Smoked A Cigar

(XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXxxx) Kissed a member of the same gender

(x) Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 2 (not so hardcore)

Level 2

( ) Are / Been In Love

(XXX) Been Dumped

(x) Shoplifted

( ) Been Fired

(x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 5 (still pretty lame)

Level 3

(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person

(x ) Skipped School

(x) Slept With A Co-worker

(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 9 (ooooooh improved score)

Level 4

(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends

( ) Been To Paris

(x) Been To England

(x) Been On A Plane

(x_x) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 13

Level 5

(x) Eaten sushi

( x) Met someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace/MXit

(x) Been in a Mosh Pit

() Don’t know what a Mosh Pit is

SO FAR: 16 (ooooooooh LEVELED UP)

Level 6

(x) Taken Pain Killers

(x) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can’t Have

(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By

(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 20 (even number woo hoo)

Level 7

(x) Had A Tea Party

(x) Flown A Kite

(x) Built A Sand Castle

(x) Gone Mudding

(xxxxxXXXXXxxxxxXXXXXxxxx) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 24 (DRESSSSSSSSSSING UP!!!)

Level 8

(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves

(x) Gone Sledding

( ) Cheated While Playing A Game

(xxxxxxx :( ) Been Lonely

(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 27

Level 9

(x) Watched The Sun Set

( ) Felt An Earthquake

(x)Held A Snake

SO FAR: 29!

Level 10

(x) Been Tickled

(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized

(x) Been Cheated On

(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 33

Level 11

(x) Won A Contest

( ) Been Suspended From School

(x) Had Detention

(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 36

Level 12

(though no one EVER believe me that I haven't ) Had / Have Braces

(X) Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night

( ) Danced In The Moonlight

SO FAR: 37

Level 13

(xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxxXxXXxXxX) Hated The Way You Look

(x) Witnessed A Crime

() Pole Danced

(x) Questioned Your Heart

( ) Been Obsessed With Post It Notes

SO FAR: 41

Level 14

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud

(X *I spend most of my life lost) Been Lost

(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World

(x) Swam In The Ocean

(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 46 geeez this thing is bloody long

Level 15

(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep

(x) Played Cops And Robbers

(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers

(x) Sang Karaoke

(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 51

Level 16

(xxxxxxxxx) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn’t

(x) Made Prank Phone Call(s)

(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose

(x) Kissed In The Rain -epic sigh- this is my absolute FAVORITE thing to do

SO FAR:55

Level 17

(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus

(x) Watched The Sun Set and/or Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About

(x) Blown Bubbles

(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

SO FAR: 59

Level 18

(x) Crashed A Party

(x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People

(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading

(x) Had A Wish Come True

SO FAR: 63

Level 19

(x) Worn Pearls

(x) Jumped Off A Bridge

( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 65

Level 20

( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube

( ) Kissed A Fish o.OWHAT. THE. FFfffffff........

(x) Worn The Opposite Gender’s Clothes

(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 67

Level 21

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs

() Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel

() Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours

(x) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About

SO FAR: 69 dirty number

Level 22

(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree

(x) Climbed A Tree

(x) Had/Been In A Tree House

(x) Been Scared Too Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 72

Level 23

( ) Believe In Ghosts

(x) Have/had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes

( ) Streaking

(x) Visited a Jail

SO FAR: 74

Level 24

(x) Played Chicken

(x) Been Told You’re Hot By A Complete Stranger

(x) Broken A Bone

(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 78

Level 25

(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later

( ) Made a [porn] Movie

(x) Caught A Butterfly

( x) Laughed So Hard You Cried

( x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 82

Level 26

(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone

(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You

(x) Cheated On A Test

(x) Forgotten Someone’s Name

( ) French Braided Someones Hair

(x) Gone Skinny Dipping

(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 89

Level 27

(x) Rode A Roller Coaster

(x) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling

(x) Had A Cavity

( ) Black-Mailed Someone

(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 93

Level 28

(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) Been Used :(

(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs

(x) Licked by A Cat

(x) Bitten Someone

(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 98

Level 29

(x) Been Shot At/Or Held At Gunpoint

( ) Had Intercourse In The Rain

() Flattened Someones Tires

() Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On

() got 20$ or less worth of fuel

TOTAL: 99

I am a lame lame person

cherry cherry boom boom

Oh Facebook-keeping us all connected

2011-01-31T16:29:00.000-08:00

LAWLS!!

I was browsing my facebook friends list and stumbled across someone I had NO idea who they were so I looked at their profile...so apparently he was the first guy I every gave a drunken BJ to after performing in my underwear in "The Rocky Horror Show" don't cha LOVE facebook to bits for keeping you connected with old friends?

I'm going to stay his friend for nostalgia's sake

I miss my slutty 18 year old self x3

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

The BiSEXual question

2011-01-28T06:48:00.000-08:00

Ladies!

It is 2011!

I am back!

I am a whore!

I am blogging once more!

well TRYING to blog...

Ok so I was here wrecking my brain to trying to decide what my first official blog of 2011 should be, should it be sexy, funny, tragic, or boring?

Well I've chosen a topic close to my heart....well my vagina really SEX but more specifically sex with bisexual girls.

Now I have made a fair few lesbian friends the past year or so and most of them are uniform in their agreement that "Bi sexual girls aren't as good in bed as lesbians"

WTF?

I'm not one of these lesbians who excludes bisexuals from their dating pool for fear of getting boy cooties all over me. I've pretty much always had the view that if a girl regardless of how she labels herself is interested in me that makes her "Emuh-Sexual" and that is absolutely fine with me. Bi-sexual girls are just as eager to have sex in my experience than lesbians, in fact some have deffffffffffffffinatly out lady lusted the lesbians I've been with.

For example I semi-dated a girl in uni for a couple of weeks, she was the stereotypes of all stereotypes EXCEPT in the bedroom, she point blank refused to go anywhere near my lady bits with anything but a timid finger for 20 seconds and I'm pretty sure the very word "vagina" scared her beyond belief. It was without a doubt THE worst sex I've ever had with anyone and all this from a gold star lesbian who claimed to never fail to make a girl cum....except for me obviously sigh :s

Now in my time I've had the good fortune to sleep with a very bi-sexual girl, who on the surface was very femme, you know the type who would look at you're naked body and exclaim "OMG YOU HAVE BEWBS!" well blow m if she wasn't as hungry for lady bits as I am! Not only that she was a down right expert with no fear of trying things not just giving that area a bit of a poke with a spoon (don't ask). It was by far the best sex I've ever had with anyone EVER and all this from a girl my friends would describe as undesirable and avoid simply because she was bi and would "have no idea what she was doing"....LESBIANS WTF!?

What I'm trying to say ladies is that ANYONE can be good or bad at doing the sexual thing regardless of how they identify, don't assume that a lesbian will be amazing in bed and that a bisexual won't go down on you. I'm just fed up with the closed mindedness of a community that has to deal with a similar thing every day. So ladies don't go limiting yourself by being bi-hating....they're called bi-SEXUAL for a reason.

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

tomorrow...

2011-01-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

my dear ones i get internetz at home and shall return with new stories of lesbian randomness!

huzah!

cherry cherry boom boom

em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 12

2010-12-11T19:02:00.000-08:00

The final day of the 12 days annnnnnnnd well...IT'S ME!!

Again with my big ugly mug in her faces....seeing as it is the last of my 12 days of christmas...some logic...the 12 days of lesbian christmas enjoy!

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Days 10 and 11

2010-12-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

I know I missed yesturday BUT HERE is a super awesome video to make it up to you :D

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 9

2010-12-09T04:30:00.000-08:00

Again I'm taking liberties with my deffinition of "Lesbian" but I figured a couple of things:

1)Tori Amos is a musical icon in the queer community so it's ok
2) This song is too beautiful not to share
3) this is MY calander and I'm a lesbian so that's link enough :D

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 8

2010-12-08T03:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Christmas can be such a terrible DRAG!

see what I did there??

eh? eh? eh?

Of forget it here's the video...

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 7

2010-12-07T03:34:00.000-08:00

Today we have my personal favorite British Sapphoic Lady Sue Perkins enjoying a Victorian Christmas Dinner :D

Sue Perkins...nom nom nom

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 6

2010-12-05T16:36:00.000-08:00

I don't care who you are or what you listen to you all have to agree that MR's voice is dripping with sex at all times

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advant Calender Day 5

2010-12-05T03:37:00.000-08:00

ok ladies it is around now that I tend to panic about what to buy only 20 days away and I have NO ideas...luckily for me Babeland have some awesomely sexy ideas and if you order now plenty of time for stuff to arrive for christmaka eve :D (probably NSFW unless you work in a sexy place)

Babeland's 2010 Christmaka gift list

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advant Calender Day 4

2010-12-03T17:16:00.000-08:00

NOT strictly lesbian but you gotta heart the gaga ~(incidently this is the first gaga toon I ever heard :s)

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advant Calender Day 3

2010-12-03T03:53:00.000-08:00

Bored of the same old nonsense where some child crys and the head halls off the baby Jesus? NO FEAR! Alternative christmas play comes in the form of "Thank You" by Dale Anderson....pretty sure the PTA will get on board :D

Thank you-A Lesbian Christmas Play

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

The “G” word

2010-12-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

Ok friends I have astounding news

After much deliberation I have some exciting news

I The Emuh geeky writer of this blog have gained an actual real life, no I haven’t made her up, yes she is actually real and amazing, Girlfriend.

I’m going to let that marinade with you all for a second as you remember who I am and what I am like

Still need a moment?

Alright….

….

Ok that’s long enough!

Geez you guys is it really that hard to believe?

I know it really is I can hardly believe it myself if she hadn’t flicked me in the ear earlier I would still be questioning her existence.

I’m not sure how to cope with it to be perfectly honest I’ve never been anyone’s *gulp* girlfriend before that wasn’t long distance, completely horrid or imaginary. I’ve been trying my best not too be so Emuh on the situation but the truth of the matter is GP (Gal Pal) makes me feel and act like a teenager who is going out with their favourite pop star. I have and always have been and will continue to be the funny but fugly friend in the movie of life; you know the un-fancied cynical one you go to when you’re love life is in fail mode? Me all over but now GP has made me a soppy romantic mess. And I finally, for the first time in my sad existence I feel like a co-star in my own life.

I’m no Shane but I’m no virgin either but I’ve never been with someone who seems to find the hot mess in my facebook profile picture attractive. I know she’s not legally blind still it’s pretty close, but it’s a very strange sensation to be called pretty by someone as beautiful as GP is. Any “romance” (and I use the term very loosely) has been the result of someone else’s desperation. Because I have been female and there is usually the only reason people go near me but GP has been sober and has still asked to go out with me again and enjoys kissing my face in public it’s incredibly strange. People have always been too ashamed of me to admit we’re even friend let alone “an item”

That’s why I’m terrified I’m going to mess it up somehow 

She makes me ache, and tingle, and shiver, and makes me want to write poetry (awful idea I’m an awful poet~), and makes me nervous as hell when I see her, an and and and OH. MY.GAWD I am so going to get my heart broken when she figures out I’m not worthy to kiss the tip of her fingers. I’m ridiculously into her, like RIDICULOUSLY into her but she never quite understands how she makes me feel. So I guess I’m just going to HAVE to figure out how to be a girlfriend pretty quickly so that she realises….

Cherry cherry boom boom readers

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advant Calender Day 2

2010-12-02T03:38:00.000-08:00

Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Emuhs Lesbian Advant Calender Day 1

2010-12-02T03:36:00.001-08:00

Yes this me from last year but I need time to google awesome lesbian stuffs for your advant calenders!

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

my dream girl....

2010-11-24T18:51:00.000-08:00

A bit shorter than me about 5'7, curvy with thick red hair, the deepest green eyes possible, freckles across her nose, small pretty teeth and plump lips.

She'd love to read and speak French, a bit of a geek with a wicked sense of humor that would get us into endless trouble on buses.

She'd like my cooking and prefer to do the washing than the drying, sitting on the sofa she'd curl up and lie on my lap and let me be sentimental as I stroked her hair.

She'd never wear contacts and insist that her glasses are not retro even though they really are, she'd make fun of my "comfortable shoes" and argue with me about who can do the best accents.

She'd make fun of me for keeping her letters but never insists I throw them away, she may not get my Xena obsession but she doesn't have to.

She'd have read the Harry Potter series more than 3 times and actually likes it when I randomly burst into song.

She'd never make fun of my crooked smile and wouldn't ever tell me I need to diet, wouldn't ever complain about the food she's eaten and we'd tease each other constantly in strange voices.

She'd HATE Twilight and would rather chill in the pub with some decent music than go out to clubs at the weekends.

She'd borrow my clothes without asking and I'd curse her that the oversized look of them looks great on her and when she's not around I'd love it that my wadrobe smells like her.

She'd paint and get messy for no other reason than she enjoys it, she'd let me go first in the shower and relax with the paper rather than bang on the door.

She'd be laid back but not switched off, she'd like a good argument with a great make up.

She'd love just kissing, getting caught in the rain she throws her umbrella away and let's her hair get soaked, she never complains that life isn't perfect like I do and let's me have my mad moments, she'd leave me alone when I need it but be right there when I needed her.

She wouldn't be perfect and I'd be able to get her out of her bad mood with my brilliant sparkling sense of humor, she'd loose at tickle fights quite gleefully, never tell me I couldn't touch her wobbly bits, and dress like she wants never according to trends...but the most the important thing is she would like me for me and would possible love me for all my faults.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

cherry cherry boom boom

em
x

What have I been up to?

2010-10-28T02:34:00.000-07:00

Hey friends,

again I have vanished into the world and have seemingly forgotton you!

Not so blogger!

Here I am back to get you up to date on my life....again in my favorite form the list!

1-Football: I have become very gay and joined a lesbian football team, and thus I have accidently gotton a semi active gay sociol life which is both scary and awesome :D I have infiltrated the Belfast gay scene and have been to the gay bars with other gays.

2-Developing a new cartoon idea- which takes a suprisingly long ass time I hope to get it rolling out by the end of the month so...yer

3-Applying for jobs I really don't want but desperatly need- ah the fate of the theatre graduate :(

4-Joining the gym and attempting to shift some of this horrid stuff that is my unfortunate frame- I know get me but I'm determined to get a bit fitter instead of a bit fatter

5-Dating- yerp for some unknown reason a girl I really like seems to like me too which has resulted in me floating around the house in a daze and generally being an annoying muppet

So that is pretty much it

I wish I had more gossip but alas I do not

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

I found the lesbians!!!

2010-10-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

Hey Blogger,

I have VERY exciting news….I have actually found the lesbians in Belfast!

I’m really NOT the only one here in the sticks

I shall not bore you with every detail but suffice to say I joined a gay football team and it has opened the rainbow doors of these the sticks in which I live.

That is why I haven’t been around much I have been VERY busy actually being a gay and getting out and meeting other ladies who are also gay.

It’’s like I have been plunged into an episode of “Queer as Folk” and I’m Nathan…it’s just a bit epic

Except they touch my hair a lot…which is strange…

Oh well I must go rest up for our next match this Sunday

Come on you Belfast Braves!

Em
x

Dating advice vidja

2010-09-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

This has happened to me and I wanted to warn the ladies out there who I lurve through the time hounered lesbian tradtion of guitar based folk song

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

The top ten reasons why being a lesbian is awesome

2010-09-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down in the dumps about being the only gay in the village so I have come up with 10 reasons why being a gay lady is awesome:

1-Women are much better kissers then men

2-Men have beards, beards give you a rash…woman do not have beards, so you don’t get a rash

3-Lady smells are so much nicer than man smell (May I never endure the nasty whiff of Lynx EVER again!)

4-Women are more fun to flirt with

5-Sneaky lesbian ninja checking out straight girls who like you as a friend

6-Comfortable shoes and jeans are considered perfectly acceptable clubbing wear

7-Being able to read DIVA magazine on trains and cause a scandal

8-Lady loving in the boudoir

9-The ability to declare “you’re just saying that because ‘m a lesbian!” whenever any of my friends are mean to me

10-AWESOME haircuts

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Straight girls in the gay bar

2010-08-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey

I'm sorry for being a total dork and not updating...I don't even have a good excuse all I've been doing is watching old episodes of Judge Judy and eating cake mix.

Sigh

Well I am home and offically graduated (with a first Ithank you) and I a offically unemployed and hating my life. I've been reading my back entries here and wish I had a fun exctiting lesbean topic to catch up on but t'would all be lies as the only lesbian thing I have been doing is texting my lesbian pose on the mainland and hating the fact there are no gays in Belfast.

But aside from laying in my pjs all day and drinking too much milk I have found time to go out with my straight girlfriends and they inadvertedly inspired a subject for me.

why are straight girls so intrested/afraid to go in gay bars?

that's it that's the topic...

ok so recently I had to miss Liverpool Pride to go to a friends birthday party and durring conversation the topic of where we should go came up. I suggested a well know gay bar here called "The Kremlin" and a very homo friend place called "Black Box" which are both pretty fun places to go on a saturday night due to the music they play. This was greeted with nods from a couple and then with downright fear by the others. One of my st8est friends piped up "I'd be kinda afraid to go there I mean...what if...something...." and she went quiet clearly uneased by my dykish pressence. But what if what? a girl hit on her? surely this friend had had boys she didn't like hit on her at some point so what was the big dilema? was she afraid a tribe of justin beiber look alikes were gonna lick her and claim her as a sacrifice to the mighty goddess lesbiannia? it made me a little sad that a lot of straight girls are still afraid of us lil ol' lesbeans, surely they don't think we're so dumb and beast like that we actively seek out straight girls to de-flower and beat...sigh I think sadly this may be the case.

Then there are the other straight girls who want to come see the freak show, to be disgusted and delighted by the "un-natural" goings on when people hook up. These adventuerous types also annoy me as they too treat us like animals that need to be observed and apart from a certain ex-girlfriend of mine we do not act in that beasty way.

It makes me die a little on the inside that in this age of SKINS and Sugar Rush that going to a gay bar is like some sort of epic quest or gruesome trek for straight people. I am often dragged to loud obnoxious places where the straight couple seem to be attempting to both devour each other and reproduce in one act and I have little choic in the matter it is everywhere I look. It is a horrible double standered that needs to disappear.

This whole scenario made me aware of how some of my straight friends treat me, as a cautionary tale of what may happen to them. And is perhaps a reason it is often tricky for lesbian ladys to be accepted by their straight friends, there's that constant question in each others minds "does she fancy me?"/ "does she think I fancy her?"

And also it is not my fault the straight bars play crap music on a saturday night

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Gay rights takes another baby step through the doors of justice

2010-08-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

Prop 8 was just ruled unconstitutional!

YAY!

this is such great news not only for gay rights but for humanity in general

excellent end to the summer...and it only took 2 years :D

imagine what we can do in the next 10

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Life begins at 22

2010-07-21T05:52:00.000-07:00

Sigh

I sit here alone in a dark corner of a cafe in my hometown of Lisburn with my iced-mocha and free wi-fi and think how far this town has come in the past 10 years

and then I think that's all balony and it is I who have changed

I've gone from the reclussive teenager with a desire to only disappear to a woman who can sit alone in a crowded cafe in a silly shabby hat drinking pretencious coffee and chatting idily to the old ladies that sit at the table next to me.

I've achieved one of my ultimate life goals and I'm feeling pretty chuffed with myself.

Teachers once told my parents that I was incabible of passing the 11+ with anything higher than a C2...(I proved them wrong by getting a B1) and now I sit here with a BA first class degree and my entire life streched out before me.

It is incredibly scary to think that in the next 10 years I will be starting my carrer, moving to a new city alone, and be turning 30 a thought that has petrified me since my 16th birthday.

I am thankful that my life hasn't hit it's ultimate peak yet, grateful I was a geek, and I hope I remain so because it makes for more interesting conversations than the status quo (I doubt the Mean Girl types have ever had a debate about the possibility that Prof. McGonogal ever had sex once transformed into a cat and wither that made her guilty of beastiality....cough)

so here is to the next 10 years where hopefully the blog enteries will make for much more interesting reading as I start the horrofying yet exciting journey into adulthood

but don't worry I intend to never grow up...Harry Potter World 2011 is gonna happen!

Luffs n cookies

Em
x

Tegan and Sara saved my soul

2010-06-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hey hey gays sorry for the delay but I’ve still been in post concert ecstasy the past week.

Oh my and WHAT a concert it was…

I arrived with my friend Sarah in tow (who I’ve been attempting to seduce for the past 6 years but she remains impervious to my advances woe is me) on that warm summer evening and we were greeted to a mile long wash of check shirts and stylishly straightened Justin Beiber haircuts we knew we were in the right place. We decided to skip the line and have a coffee as we waited for the doors to open an hour later. Over mocha lattes I explained to Sarah the uniform of the lesbian and why Tegan and Sara have such a HUGE international following which made me feel epic win as Sarah is a music aficionado.

I entered the Mandela hall a bundle of caffeine induced nerves and practically downed my first pint. I’d changed no less than 4 times for this gig, did my hair too much and was giddy as a girl could be. I was more excited about this gig than I was for my first date…THAT is how much I love Tegan and Sara.

They have been one of my favourite bands since my first girlfriend sent me their song “The Con” in order to “Express her feelings for me as she couldn’t find the words” how tragically baby gay but it worked. I’ve been hooked on them ever since, but never dreamed I’d ever get to see them live and in person.

The warm up act was the lame of LAME he really did not understand the crucial moment he was involved in. But after a few boos from antsy lesbians he got the idea and soon shut up…

Then they arrived to the loudest reception I’ve ever heard and yours truly had flirted her way up to the third row so I was very close. I proceeded to experience something quite spiritual it was fantastic they played the longest set I’ve ever seen a band play (almost 3hours) played not only their new track but ALL of their hits and every one of my favourite songs…it was like I had wrote the set list it was orgasmic. I heard all of the songs I listened to during my first break up but instead of feeling sadness I felt nothing but un-adulterated joy and it was like a re-birth. I have never felt so connected with myself EVER it was fan-bloody-tastic…an experience that will never be topped.

Since that concert I have felt something bubbling inside of me and it’s still there brewing away.

Tegan and Sara saved my soul

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

I want my copy of Diva tesco why do you deny me!‏

2010-06-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

I’ve been reading DIVA since coming out 3 years ago and have been happily purchasing it without problems in Liverpool since then. DIVA has been many a great conversation starter on buses and makes me feel like I am a connected gay, a lesbian with some class, who just happens to love the gossip and pretty girls amongst the arty articles. Now that I’m back in Ireland I’ve suffered withdrawals from my daily dose of gay that I’m used to (what with my bi (steady on) daily trips to the Lisbon and Thursday nights in G-Bar) but at least I could relay on DIVA to keep my gaydar burning…or so I thought.

This month I went to the nearest Tesco superstore to fill my lesbian needs (who are listed as stockist) and smiled as I passed the smaller Men’s section and saw amongst the usual ititts, teeth n technology collection, GT and Men’s Health popping their gay friendly heads up from the shelf. “OH JOY!” I declared “They shall have DIVA! These are gay friendly folk after all!” I was sadly disappointed as I was confronted by the usually tabloid rubbish, Wedding material, and several different psychology magazines. Now I have it on very good authority that there are more lesbians in Lisburn (where I am sadly stuck) than psychologists and people here are generally mental due to the earth crushing boredom of living here.

So I politely inquired at customer services desk and was meet with a vacant stare and as I explained a bit more the guy on shift started to drool slightly and didn't have a clue as to what I should do. While the situation is pretty lame what made me more angry than anything and made me put my “Ranty feminist” hat on was the fact that they were happily selling the gay boy favourites and didn’t have ANYTHING for us gay girls….why have GT and not DIVA? Are lesbians not welcome but flamboyant lovely lads who kiss lads are? A sad message for any baby dyke looking for an outlet for her curiosities…I was that baby dyke and wouldn’t like to see others suffer.

Luckily I have happy news that the Eason’s 3 miles away DOES stock DIVA but I feel Tesco should contribute to my £2.30 bus fare to retrieve my favourite magazine so that I can keep up with the latest Justin Bieber haircut and shrug jeans because being gay is tricky enough without being out of the fashion loop which would surely cause my ultimate dating death when I do return to normality.

Oh the lengths I will go to JUST to stay in the lesbian loop of cool

sigh

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Football n beer makes Emuh goes crazy

2010-06-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

So it's that time again World cup time "YAY!" I hear you cry and "Boo!" I hear your girlfriends cry. Well I for one am deffo in the "Yay!" tribe despite my problems with the amount footballers get paid and how much they get away with I love football. It's my sporting indulgance and it turns my usual calm, cool self into a ranting raving lunatic.

I'm a healthily competative person as in I'll try my hardest to win but don't mind to loose to a better person...football turns me into a ladette and I get very passionate.

Usually on the mens world stage I am a Brazil fan through and through but after all the bad luck England have suffered on the run up to this tornument I felt it was my duty as an English Citizen to show the guys some support...OK OK it's really because I loath the US football team they are arrogant toss pots that need to be taken down a peg or two...and they cheat! (well they did in tonights game) bad show I destest bad sportsmanship with a passion what's the point in playing if you have to play dirty to win? SIGH

However I have every faith England will make it past group and into the semi-finals...where they will ruin their chances as they do every world cup.

I only wish the Womens team got as much support because they're twice the team and get further with more consistentcy (we've won the world cup twice pre-fifa sponsership) sigh but what are you gonna do fact is boys just don't like girls being good at football...

well my gay girl points went up today as I drank beer and watched football in my 2006 kit RETRO ding

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Incy wincy spider...gave me a bump

2010-06-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

NOT happy...

being a nature lovin' every creature has its place (except slugs ew) kinda girl I decided to save a spider from the bath last night and all went well...till the spider decided to stay put by the open door no biggie....till in a sleepy blurry eyed state I walked smack bang into it....my head hurts

cherry cherry boom boom ow

Em
x

This is the end

2010-06-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

*comes out from under a rock fighting back vines and other impressive greenery*

pant pant pant BLOGGER!!

*sneaky vine attempts to wrap itself around leg of our valiant heroine*

NO!!!

*umberellllllllla whack!*

pant pant pant

I'M ALIVE!!

seriously wtf happened to the past month!

I'll tell you what happend I just had to do exams that determine how the rest of my life will pan out is what happened!

So college is done I graduate in a month and I'm skerrrrrrrred!

I'm being forced to grow up and I don't wanna simple as that!

sigh

so here it is ladies the end of my wild lesbian shenanigans at college...and the begining of my life as a non baby gay...from now on I'm just a gay...and it makes me a bit sad I no longer have an excuse...still I'll be here blogging my disastors but the blog needs a new title as I am no longer a lesbian in college :(

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

(p.s I'll have exciting gay outting to Tegan and Sara coming up so be ready for that;) )

I'm here, I'm Queer...but you knew that already

2010-05-13T17:30:00.001-07:00

Hey hey hey

so it's been a crazy crazy couple of months here in Emuh land I've been swamped with University work and get this peeps I just finished my degree....AH!

So this means after graduating in July (I hope....eeeeeeeck) I must become a grown up and get a J-O-B n pay taxes and all kinds of nonsense! scarry times

other less fun things have happened to me these months my mum got really ill and last week the death of my lifetime best friend Rags has made me ultra depressed....but that's for another website and another time

I recenlty i.e yesturday did a performance about homophobia and prop 8 and 2 key parts of that were this mockumentry and this parody song...got a few minutes? wanna see it? suuuuuure!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIy2Mv1T_eg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01vpNc2LOs

Cherry cherry boom boom ladies I hope I have some more exciting things to tell yall soon

Em
x

We're getting No Where- UK Premiere

2010-03-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

EDIT IN: If you wanna see the Q&A session please feel free to watch the vidjas at my yotube page: www.youtube.co.uk/xenasnotdead first 5 vidjas are all yours ladies :D

So here it is the first blog in a month but I have some actual exciting news...and hopefully it’ll be worth the wait…

So a few weeks ago I like all of you heard the very cool news that the JB and Cathy DeBuono were hitting UK shores for the “And then Came Lola” premiere in London…then came the even BETTER news that they were heading in my direction up north to the bustling metropolis that is Yorkshire…wait…YORKSHIRE!!! Like in the middle of no where serial killer Yorkshire!!! AH!!!

So gathering my lesbian posse we loaded ourselves into the car and took the scariest drive ever through the winding roads, we hovered over the treacherous drops and frightened each other with tales of the murderous rapists and zombie sheep that could attack us at any moment …it was interesting.

So we arrived in the shire alive, hopped up on Haribo and early. Therefore we decided to go eat before stepping into the bar…I had some over-priced chicken that tasted like fish (not the good kind either) and nervously sipped on some Dandelion and Burdock.

I should pause here for a moment to explain that two of the people in my lesbian posse have regular contact with famous celes-bians so were therefore cool as cucumbers. Unlike me and Second Emma, who were ready to run away and wet ourselves with the excitement and nerves of it all. It was rather like holidays with the family and 2 annoying small children, with 20 year old lesbians as the children.

So after a few minutes of squirming around and getting increasingly more annoying and bouncy they arrived, like a golden entity emerging from the clouds, it was very glorious.

It was THE most surreal nights I’ve spent like I was experiencing the entire event through a lens. There is nothing like watching a film with the actors in the room, just hearing the tinkle of a giggle or some chit chat over the dialogue. Q n A was funny as usual and I to everyone’s great great glee the JB did the Lilly voice and they answered some really interesting (if sometimes long winded and annoying) questions.

The best part of my night (besides having Jill Bennett nestle in my boobs and tell me I smelled good…BEST. MOMENT. EVER.) was telling them both how much what they have done had helped me come out and make the awesome friends I have now and seeing that it actual meant something to them both.

After the event was over we got to have a really lovely walk around the village with them and talked about the most random things ranging from history to why drinking WKD blue makes you look like a chav.

I can honestly say that it was THE best night out I’ve ever had since coming out and that Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono are as gracious and witty in real life as they are online an that if you ever get the chance to meet them do you’ll never regret it.

So after that night of epic excitement tuckered out and still full of squee we headed on the open road. Fangirled out and armed with the immortal words straight from the JB “I’m nestling in your boobs and you smell REALLLLY good”

I can die happy now

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Don't you hate it

2010-02-20T09:21:00.000-08:00

when you sit down write an entire blog and google decides it's bollocks and doesn't save it?

sigh

The cold war....I SHALL WIN

2010-02-12T07:24:00.001-08:00

Weekend survival kit and weaponry to defeat "Icky, snotty snoozles n woozles":

-Pack of Beechams extra strength cold n flu tablets
-Assorted flavors of Halls Soothers (Cherry, Blackcurrent and Honey & Lemon)
-Industrial sized bottle of Lucozade
-Tea tree and aloe vera room fan
-Galaxy brand hot chocolate
-Soup (assorted flavors including Heinz tomoato)
-Family pack of fun size Mars bars
-Xena seasons 1-6
-The L word season 1-5
-Sugar Rush seasons 1&2
-Assorted books
-Twitter
-Facebook

Bring it on you bastard cold! I WILL OWN YOU!!

sniff sniff

Em

Uniting all teh people I have found a way!

2010-02-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

and her name is Ms Kelly Clarkson!!!

OK I'm not even kidding I just got back from the EPIC WIN that was Kelly Clarkson in Manchester and the mix of people there was breathtaking.

Clearly all the gays and the straights can agree on the awesome of Ms Clarkson, I saw a married couple of at least 50 singing loudly along to the row of lesbians in front of the huge group of gay guys, it was a beautiful thing to watch.

My friend and I noticed 2 things tonight:

1-all the gays love the Clarkson and thuse the lesbian/gay men divide should come to an end and we should unite with a vicously loud chorus of "I DO NOT HOOK UP UP!!"

2-Kelly Clarkson is a lot more fun when she's had a cheeseburger

Ok that last one was a bit mean but seriously my toungue wasn't of the floor the entire time with the bouncing curves of Kelly Fitty Clarkson as she leaped around the stage delivering note afteramazing note.

Not only did she sing every top 10 hit she's ever had BUT she covered my favorite Patsy Cline song with such gusty it made me have a tiny tiny orgasim in my heart....TMI perhaps but it was THAT good.

But getting back to the divide this was probably the gayest audience I have ever seen lesbian after lesbian, butch and femme a like, the campest boy to the hairest bear they were all there and enjoying themselves immensly, it was a truely beautiful site, so I have concluded that in order to get the gays united Kelly Clarkson must become our queen...that's it end of story.

Sigh

It was a wicked concert and I don't care who judges me for STILL loving the Clarkson she is epic win.

Sigh

Well I'm off to enjoy the slightly blurry videos and pictures I have so enjoy the night

Cherry cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

p.s I hope the colts win...just cos they wear blue like my favorite football team :D

Question times.....

2010-01-31T11:02:00.001-08:00

Question number 1:

When a stranger adds you to facebook, comments on YOUR wall but delets your posts, is older than you, invites you out drinking and is "in a reletionship" are they trying to make you their younger woman on the side?

Discuss in 500 words or less

and yes you will be graded

Dear blogger

2010-01-17T03:58:00.000-08:00

I really do have some stuff to write about it's just I have ACTUAL work I need to be doing right now....I feel like the worst girlfriend of all time...like I'm cheating on you with a fancy European Cinema essay with referancing...I'm sorry I didn't mean to! It's meaningless! It means only one thing to me!

So my darling I swear to textually fulfill you

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Christmaka is comming so lets sing some songs

2009-12-17T18:08:00.000-08:00

So I've been at it again....yep VIDJAS FOR ALL!!!

Hope you like em guys will see you in the new year!

2010 the year of the gays ye haw!!

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

I want the world to know

2009-12-17T13:17:00.001-08:00

http://iwanttheworldtoknow.org/

Hey guys please check out this awesome website it's a project to help young LGBT people cope with all the issues facing them.

It's really a great project and I was lucky enough to be chossen to share my story

Thanks everyone

Em
x

The curse of the crazy lesbians…I’m under it…

2009-12-13T12:29:00.000-08:00

SIGH

Hey ladies long time, no proper blog sorry has been under a mountain of work pre-Christmas. But I have this blog to hopefully appease and entertain you :D

So what’s been going on since we last spoke?

Well I’ve turned into a right playa and been on a few dates…

Yeah…with CRAZY GAYS!!!

Seriously why am I always the one that pulls the crazy ones?

I’m the person in my group of friends who has the funny dating stories, the sexual disasters, the stalkers and no girlfriend…In the American Pie of life I’m the Jason Biggs character…or in more lesbian terms I’m Dana without the Lara…and without the cancer…

Safe to say after the past 3 months I have had experience with the following:

1-The one night stand that won’t go away
2-The youtube fan girl
3- The drunk
4- The u-hauler
5- The cold n cold type
6- The wannabee Shane
7-The Nazi sympathiser

Now in some of the recent cases one or more of the above were combined in one uber crazy lesbian.

It’s always me that goes out with some seemingly ok girl who ends up being completely crazy….

I’m too polite to say no that’s my problem…I’ve never been out with someone I really fancy…my problem is because I don’t feel like anyone would really like me I always feel obliged to go along with anyone who does, even if I don’t fancy ‘em. I blame my ex who treated me like I should be grateful to touch the tips of her fingers, sigh…nut one of my New Years resolutions is to only go out with girls I actually like…maybe then even if they are crazy I can regard it as a cute character trait….

So you girls ever had the crazy crazy lesbo stalker?

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

My 100th Blog...

2009-11-26T18:07:00.000-08:00

....YAY!

I've been very good and not abandoned it hu zah!

so what what shall I blog about???

erm.....not sure...erm....

I know you guys wanna see what I'm working on for my dircting project??

you do!

YAY!!

these are just some stimulus videos that go along with a presentation I have to give monday:

I'm doing a very different (and perhaps controversial interpretation) of Carlyn Gage's play "Harriet Tubman visits a therapist" hopefully I can do it justice

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Stero-typing bad times...

2009-11-23T15:30:00.000-08:00

Short short blog yall

I get badly stereotyped because I'm dark and look "foreign" I was in the states recently and got stopped no less than 10 times by airport police because I looked the way I do and had a British passport…I try and find the funny side but sometimes I have to wonder why people are so quick to judge me because I have hooded eyes and black hair…it gets annoying.

In terms of being a stereotypical lesbian straight people have no idea because I “don’t look that gay” I’m quite lucky that I’m not that pretty so I don’t get hit on a lot but it’s super annoying when I do because guys don’t get that “I’m a lesbian” they hear “I wanna shag you AND another girl at the same time”

I've found that people judge me a lot more WITHEN the community...again because I don’t LOOK super butch or super femme people assume I’m not gay at all! Can I just clarify I really REALLY am SO gay, I’m not in a “uni phase” I like girls yeah…ok we’re clear

And then on a funnier note girls THAT do get pass the “is she gay” thing are always surprised that I’m not a bottom because I’m a big girl…but that’s always nice for me mwahahaha!

cherry cherry boom boom yall!

Em
x

10 things my mother doesn’t know and is never gonna find out

2009-11-19T18:01:00.000-08:00

I was showering and was wondering how I was gonna break the news to my mother that I have a tattoo….and it got me thinking what ELSE doesn’t my mother know about me??

Well here’s my top 10

Number 10: That I had a boyfriend for nearly 6 months-My first, last and only boyfriend Simon…sigh…I would sneak off on the train every weekend spend the day with him (and possibly night) hop on the train home and my mother was completely clueless…I was full of a good old fashioned Jewish girl guilt but she never found out and never will…cos I aint gonna tell her…why ruin the illusion?

Number 9: Well it’s linked to number 10 so…My mother does not know (and shouldn’t find out) that I have lost my virginity BOTH ways-I believe this is self explanatory but yeah I’m my mother’s Virginal princess I don’t see any reason for running that illusion…

Number 8: I’ve been cautioned by the police-Now don’t be shocked at me now Blogger peeps but when I was younger I was a Goth…and more than that I was a Goth that liked to party…I may have sotrta kinda gone to an illegal rave…that was broken up by the police and luckily for me I was quite young and the police went easy on me and just told me off

Number 7: I’m banned from Anne Summers in Lisburn for high jinx- Yeah….again when I was 15 I was a bit naughty and took my best friend into the “toys section” where I tickled his ear with a rabbit thruster…and got banned by the highly annoyed manager…so whenever we go bra shopping I have to make up an excuse as to why I can’t go in there…because the manager STILL STILL remembers me :S

Number 6: That the girl that stayed in our house…and my bed…for a week was actually my girlfriend- nuff said I’m extremely lucky my mother thinks of me as pure and innocent and doesn’t get suspicious…

Number 5: That I turned down the chance to do law at one of the best universities in Ireland to come to Liverpool and study theatre- Yeah this is a biggie….I never wanted to do law but I was advised to do it because my grades in politics and history were quite good and I actually got preliminarily accepted on the course at Trinity College Dublin…but….I didn’t formally apply with my UCAS and went with the performing arts courses instead….if my mother ever found out I had a CHANCE to go to Trinity she’ll actually kill me.

Number 4: I broke her favourite vase and blamed it on my dog- :S sorry Rags

Number 3: I lied to her about drinking at my 6th form Formal- I was 17 at the time and therefore not strictly legally allowed to drink but hey it was formal and all my friends were drinking and I was peer pressured into it….ok I wasn’t and I got drunk I’m sorry mum!
Number 2: That I recently had a full STI screening- you know sometimes your mum just DOESN’T need to know about EVERY doctor’s appointment no matter how often she claims she does.

Number 1: I’m actually quite infamous on the interwebs…..MWAHA

So anything you won’t tell yer mum that she doesn’t know?

I wanna know how sneaky yall are

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

STI tests shoud NOT be a friend activity for a wednesday afternoon

2009-11-14T13:04:00.000-08:00

too lazy n sleept to type so I presant yall with the vidya of my fun adventure

cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Secks-uh-al fantasy

2009-11-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

What’s yours ladies?

I’m very weird like because mine are never about hot n sweaty one night stands or threesomes with hot celeb babes…mine are more like me and the wife cuddling in bed while the rain pours down outside….

I don’t tend to talk to my friends about master de bation so haven’t got a wide spectrum on the matter but we’re in agreement that most of us need to think about someone we have feelings for or the fantasy relationship lady…weirdness

I have to say mine is the cheesy straight neighbour who falls for my charms after many nights of wine and talking…yeah I’m very boring romantic type…I can’t help myself sex doesn’t turn me on unless there’s commitment involved….I blame my years as a born again Christian all that “sex is sacred” stuff. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it just makes it difficult to get my kicks when sex without love makes me feel dirty and insecure….

So is it just me who gets off on the idea of a committed relationship?

Would love to hear from you guys

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Liverpool Vigil

2009-11-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

Happy Pre-Halloween!

2009-10-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

besest end sequence eva xD

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

20 Things you should never do on a 1 night stand

2009-10-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Ok peeps here tis….a brief list of no no’s yall should bear in mind if you’re the adventurous type…these have all happened to me and to them I say neigh! It just goes to prove I’m not the one night only kind…or lucky in anyway. So here we go….

20 Things you should never do on a 1 night stand!

1-Make out with someone just after you’ve eaten a cheeseburger: This is just plain nasty because here’s the deal…I like burgers and I like kissing but both at the same time is just gross…so homegirls gum! It wouldn’t kill ye to use some after you’ve hit Maccy D’s

2-Call someone “Squishy…like a bouncy castle!”: You wanna kill the mood extra quickly while you’re with a curvy woman just compare her to a giant inflatable children’s play thing…she’ll love that…

3- Spend 20 minutes on the phone to your friends just before or even DURRING business hours: I’m sure your friends are lovely but TBH I don’t really need to hear about Heathers family problems when I picked you up at a place called “Stray”

4-Repeatidly mention your dead relatives: This should be pretty self explanatory….

5- Utter the words “Wow…that’s exactly how my ex used to do it!” : really? hey guess what I DON’T CARE!!! Keep thoughts of yer ex to yourself because it’s 4.30 and I don’t have time for a heart to heart when I haven’t had mine yet

6-Read your text messages while having sex-I’m sure your mates don’t wanna know about the “bouncy” castle girl in your pants right now.

7-Bitting in places that hurt the next day: e.g. nipples, belly, thighs, boobs, bum, shoulder…that pleasure is reserved for girlfriends whom I trust not to leave me looking like a beaten woman for a week!

8-Assume I’m a bottom because I have a big one: Ok this may just be me who’s annoyed by this but for reals I’ll rock your world….

9-Talk about how pigs are the most vicious of all the fun farm yard creatures and their uses in the disposal of a human body: NOT sexy! So when you kill me you’re gonna feed me to your pigs huh? Oh I want you I need you oh baby oh baby…..to get the hell offa me buffalo Bill!

10-Assume just because you’ve seen me naked you’re allowed to come into the shower with me: G’AH! GET OUT I’M TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE SHAME AND SMELL OF VOMIT!!! Plus it’s daylight and while I’m sexy in the dark you’re certainly NOT allowed to look at my wobbly bits sober in anyway

11- Call me Suzanne when that’s clearly not my name: ….this is the ultimate betrayal of our one night romance what’s-yer-name! how very dare you!!!

12-Get so high you get super paranoid and refuse to let your “date leave”: inviting someone back, getting high, and locking the both of you in a small room, while you block the only exit route for said “date” is a big NO NO!

13-Steal items of clothing from your conquest: You may have fallen for her…or just really liked her shirt but seriously that’s A) Creepy and B) STEALING! This is illegal…

14-Start a theological debate about the moral standards of the community: Says you who’s pulled me, made me pay for the taxi AND stolen my favourite t-shirt….I’m sure Jesus won’t mind if you add “having awesome hot lesbian shmexy times” to that list

15-NOT using lube before attempting certain activities: NUFF said ladies I’m sure use your imagination…

16-Declare “OH SHIT MY PARENT ARE HERE GET DRESSED!! GET DRESSED! HIDE ALL MY GAY STUFF!!!!” at 8.30AM when sex has been occurring until 7.30AM: having a grumpy tired lesbian leaving your dorm room may not be the greatest thing for you…

17-Make your “date” look at pictures of your ex and comparing them to said Ex: Nothing says “I’m so hot for you right now” than pointing out every single flaw of the person who wants to shag you.

18-Pokeing any flabbiness and referring to it as “adorable” as your intended bed buddy gets undressed: o.O you don’t have mad passionate MIND BLOWING orgasms with anyone who is “adorable”

19-Saying “I hope you don’t mind but I won’t be doing that to you…compared to what you just did I’m useless”: THAT is SUCH a cope out! At least give it a go…I mean I came all the way over here…so the point of this evening was to get you off and then watch rubbish TV while listening to you cry about your last conquest and how awesome they were….sigh

20-Be a boy: That’s just unforgivable…no vagina, no entry

So I hope you abide these rules girls and heed my warnings

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

I’m not into butches…except I totally am…sorta…

2009-10-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

I have to admit it I am (or at least was) a little bit Butch-phobic….When I first came out just over a year ago. I was so proud of being a woman who likes woman I couldn’t contain the idea of dating or even liking someone who wasn’t super femme, in fact I had that strange notion of…

“If you like girls why are you dating someone who looks like a boy?”

I am not afraid to admit I was a bit ignorant….because I have slowly discovered (without sounding too sleazy about it) that under that button up shirt, levis, and faux-hawk there is an actual OMG woman’s body…I KNOW RIGHT WHO KNEW!?

Now here’s the thing...I’m about to expose myself for the purposes of science…or at least you know mild amusement…

When I’m sober I have to say I find myself checking out cute, femmey chicks with the flowing hair, and cute shirts, and sigh.

When I’m drunk I have to say I find myself making out/sleeping with cute butch chicks with the short hair, and the waistcoats and sigh.

So why am I in denial about my butch crushes?

Well I don’t think it’s simply because they’re butch…it’s the clothes and over all attitude…I’m just not into that overly done up look, all that fake tan and heels. I like that low maintenance thing and I always think a woman no matter what looks better when she’s relaxed, in jeans, a t shirt, with her hair down and no make up. So when you’re out a femme girl will rarely look relaxed, she’ll be all dressed to kill, looking amazing but also really intimidating, well to me anyway and that puts me off. Butch girls by contrast will usually be in a fancier version of their everyday chill clothes, and even if it takes them twice as long as their femme counterparts to get ready they look like it took them 5 minutes and THAT to me is sexy. And in a strange way it’s a little bit of a turn on for me to get hit on by a butch girl because it makes ME feel like a total girl which is a complete change from my day to day life.

I’m admitting it I was totally biased and now I’m starting to see how stupid it was…

So now I think I’m into hot girls: butch, femme, diesel, soft…whatever…I just like woman…pretty woman…sigh….

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Ok here's the thing!

2009-10-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

Reasons I will make out with anyone if I am intoxicated at any point:

1- I have no self esteme what so ever so any attention makes me feel loved!

2- I'm usually cornered and alone because my friends are too bust laughing at my mis-fortune

3-I'm a good kisser and TBH if you want it you got it

End of story yo!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

My new tattoo...it is so choc full of meaning it kinda hurts

2009-10-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

Presenting......

what yall think?

Now before yall start on my about it just being a star there are several meaning behind it....

Meaning 1- There are 7 tribes of the Cherokee nation my Grandmother was a mmber of "Th Bear Tribe" and the symbol for cherokee is a 7 pointed star...

Meaning 2- The reason it is the "Elven star" is because the lven star is the ultimate sign of power and the combination of the spirts

Meaning 3- There are 7 people who have shaped my life

Meaning 4 (placement)- Back in the day lesbians would wear a star tattoo on the inside of their wrists to recognise eavh other "today many lesbians have a star tattoo to show their solidarity with their more oppressed historical sisters"

Meaning 5 - It's BAMF!

So no one can say I didn't think this tattoo completly and utterly all the way through....

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

My "True" personality test

2009-10-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

I was browsing facebook when I came across this:

http://www.tomdickandsally.com/trueself/test

My results came out as:

#
Spontaneous
Although on the surface you seem to ride life as though it’s the crest of a wave – you have called the coast guard for information about tides beforehand! You are excited by new challenges and are happy to ‘go with the flow’ and try new experiences. You’ll be up for a spontaneous after-work drink with friends but not if it means you miss the last bus home. You’re independent and take balanced risks. You will be happy to date someone who is out of your comfort zone for the experience but when your instincts about a person or situation kick in, you’ll stop and listen. Although you’re ready for fun, you certainly wouldn’t call yourself reckless.

#
Confident
You’re certainly no wallflower but sometimes there may be chinks in your confident exterior. Although unflappable most of the time, you are able to take the opinions of others on board and are able to deal with criticism quite well. You’re comfortable with who you are and although you don’t actively seek approval you appreciate it when it comes your way and it makes you feel good about yourself. Because you can have moments when you’re a bit unsure of yourself, you’re perfectly placed to boost the confidence of others.

#
Cautious
On the whole, you’ll believe in someone’s integrity until proved otherwise but you won’t give others as long a rope as your more trusting friends. Life experience has taught you that you should be on your guard and opening up too soon could leave you vulnerable to being hurt. You will expect a new partner to earn your trust and you may take some time to trust someone new. Once trust is in place you’ll feel relaxed and this will make any partner feel secure in the relationship.

So I'm pretty much a walking contradiction

sigh

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Poochy peson

2009-10-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

Some ladies love cats....I love my dowggie

yes the baby talk is required

OH EM SQUEE!

2009-10-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

Adam and Steve ae effing...I kinda enjoyed watching

2009-10-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

P**N!

For some reason every website I frequent is touching on the subject of lesbian porn….and what porn lesbian are really into….and here’s the shock horror lesbians just love the gay boy porn!

I have to confess porn some what baffles me on some levels but I’m not going as far as to say I’ve never seen any….

Like many lesbians straight porn turns me off straight away as does “lesbian girl on girl action” produced by straight film makers, it’s the finger nails I mean…just…OUCH! But apart from that it’s the total lack of engagement; the glazed over expressions of the girls, the weird looks to camera, and the fake “OH OH OH OH!” noises that anyone who’s been in a room with a woman having a real orgasm can tell is 100% poppy cock. It’s the fake boobs, the hair extensions, the hairy, sweaty, and some what greasy looking guys that I’m privileged enough to be able to avoid…all that hair…it’s just wrong…

So it’s not hard to see why gay woman get so turned off by the fake-ness of the girls and all that hair…we have enough drama to cop with in the dating world that includes fake-ness and bad hair.

I think on some level those lesbians that have had the experience of trying to be with a man have had to fake enjoyment and the void expression hits a bit too close to home.

Then there’s that “lesbian porn made by lesbians for lesbians” which is…not sexy at all…yes it’s nice to see a representation of what we actually do but it still seems so forced…and if we’re honest I think we need to get acquainted with the lady behind the lady parts before we dive right in there on the whole we lady loving ladies tend to take ourselves rather seriously in the sexy n love departments, because we’re trying so hard to free our sex from the clutches of heterosexual debauchery it seems almost hypocritical of us to exploit it in a similar way. And when your mind is on the complex theories of gender, sex and power it’s kind of difficult to get off….just saying.

So this leads me to the gay boy porn and why so many ladies love it…o at least enjoy it…I am one of these ladies and for a while I though I was the worst lesbian of all time until I discovered it’s our communities dirty little secret. In my opinion it comes down to a single phrase:

You can not fake an erection

It’s that simple really…it’s easier to imagine that being a guy in the male porn industry really is a choice rather than due to some tragic circumstances. Because of the physicality of male sex it’s difficult to imagine the guys aren’t into what they’re doing…yes there is penis involved but that penis doesn’t have ANY interest in me what so ever making it ok to watch. There’s no need for an emotional connection, those guys are having a good time and that’s kinda hot…in fact really hot. And maybe there’s a little bit of the “forbidden fruit” aspect as well “I really shouldn’t be enjoying this but I do…”

In the end I don’t think lesbians dig the gay porn for no reason, and it’s not only the gay girlies, straight ladies dig it to, watching 2 built, cut, pretty boys going at it and ENJOYING it…I mean sex should be about passion, real honest to god I wanna eff you right now so I’m going to…it’s not rocket science.

So if you’re a lady who loves ladies but likes to watch Adam and Steve get it on don’t freak out you are not alone!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

I shouldn't....

2009-09-29T19:12:00.001-07:00

....go out with the Emma's

I forsee an EPIC hangover tomorrow...DUDE FAIL!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

And it begins...

2009-09-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

Hey gays!

well I meet my flatmates today and they seem pretty nice except....sigh

we were at lunch trying to chat n stuff when 4 admitidly butch ladies came in and sat next to us and the conversation went from joking around to quite nasty homophobic comments...now I'm out and proud and certainly won't be hiding my sexuality but my question is should I out myself upfront or wait till these girls get to know me?

Usally my sexuality isn't very on topic because in these crazy times I simply pass for indie/geeky a lot of girls rock the cons and flannel these days so unless I'm asked a direct question I don't usally declare "oh you like coffee too oh btw I'm a giant homo" it's kind of akward.

Now my problem is am I simply being conservative letting my personality and weirdness put these people off or am I being a bit of a coward?

comments woul be greatly appreciated

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!

Em
x

Dork to the MAX

2009-09-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

as well as being out and proud as a lesembean I'm also a very happy dork!

here is the music video for my wrock band BELLA AND THE DEATHEATERS!

ENJOY!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Back to Liverpool where every thing is sure to change

2009-09-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

So her I am stuck on a boat returning to the land I call home…ish

Excited, tired and slightly smelling of sea-sick I’m off to return to a land of one night stands, starring at girls in clubs for hours and plotting my escape with silly wenches I call friends!

Oh yes this is gonna be a year to remember….or probably not to be honest if my mates get their way xD

But man do I hate this boat!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

And the sound they made was love...

2009-08-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

This is officallllllllly the cutest and post pro-gay marriage/adoption argument I've ever seen!

http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/sex-relationships/gay-penguins-marry/#more-2732

why can't we be more like the birds huh?

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

YOUR MOM DOESN'T LIVE HERE!!

2009-08-22T19:17:00.001-07:00

I'm seriously one of those easily distracted people when I go online and here is the new center of my addiction:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com

xD

I'm getting ideas for when I move back to halls xD

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

P.S "Kicking and Screaming" actually has politically correct hot lesbian football moms! TOTALLY worth endurring Will Ferrel for xD

WTF?

2009-08-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

I wacthed the "40 year old virgin" and it made me cry.

I am nither of these things

Explain.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Arts,Crafts and boggies

2009-08-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

EPIC COLD!!

that is what I have courtesy of my nephew and his filthy little park friends :(

I have that mad stuffy head that doesn't let you sleep so what have I been doing?

making book marks and friendship braclets out of wool a knicked out of my mums knitting stash...

arts and crafts are fun

boggies are not

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

P.s MY DOG JUST SNEEZED ON MY HEAD! GROSSSSSSS!

Arts,Crafts and boggies

2009-08-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

Movie Math-BRING IT ON!

2009-08-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hello fellows more mathematical genius for joo…

(Cheerleaders + cheerleading uniforms)+(90s music-“that all American attitude)/Kirsten Dunst’s beady eyes< (ratio of boobs: male presence)-(aerial stunts+ annoying 90s slang that infected a generation)=(charity car wash% bikinis) x Eliza Dushku = Epic reminder of my childhood and BRINGING IT ONNNNNNNNNNNN!! Reminder of why we all love Eliza Dushku

It gets an Emuh Rating of…OH! EM! GEE! Regretting being a library dork now….totally sign me up for pep squad!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

A very serious message...

2009-08-05T05:02:00.000-07:00

serious skirt...serious voice...serious message

Will she call me?

2009-08-05T03:42:00.000-07:00

She smiled at me and said my name ever so softly....

Before I knew it she had my shirt off and was touching my ample bussom...

She smiled and told me to get dressed a suggestion not a demand...

Then she kicked me out and stuck needles in both my arms...

Yerp the doctor is a kinky bizatch...

Second longest reletionship I've ever had and typical woman she used me then bled me dry...literally...

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Protesters are fun....

2009-08-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

What annoys fundeMENTAL protesters at the Gay Pride Parade?

Sorry Trekkies I’m a Xenite

2009-08-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

My name is The Emuh and I am…a geek

I’ll that marinade in that SHOCKING revelation for a moment because it’s incredibly hard to believe…

But I am and darn it I love it!

I remember being about 12 walking into a comic book store to induce a stunned silence that a GIRL had infiltrated this manly manly domain…and to this day I still get a slightly bemused reaction when I walk into a “forbidden planet”.

And in talking to some of my lovely geeky male friends we have discovered I am rare breed which sucks for the world in my opinion…a girl who knows every line of dialogue from “Empire strikes back”, can argue the finer points of why “Green Hornet” is a VASTLY superior show to “Batman” and who isn’t afraid to fall over and laugh it off.

I dress in jeans and funny t-shirts, am sarcastic as hell, and will eat a full burger and chips AND a chocolate milkshake….thus I am not sexy however I believe geeky woman are very shmexy…but I admit it and wish more ladies would because I’m a geeky lady who LURVES geeky ladies.

In this world obsessed with being very “Shane” it’s difficult to meet out of the closet girly geeks. That’s why I’m teased by my friends because rather than some ultra cool movie star ala Miss Jolie my dream woman run along the lines of Sue Perkins and Jorja Fox, woman that are cute, smart, funny and un-ashamedly geeks.

I know I’m not alone in my love of geeks but I’m out the closet it…

So I guess my question or rather my statement to the world is why must the geeky ladies hide their Buffy t-shirts and leanings towards staying in to complete their screen accurate costume from season 3 Battle Star?

Lady geeks of the world unite put on your Tina Fey glasses, grab your guitar hero controller and twitter away because you’re shmexy beings of awesome!!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

P.S IF YOU NEED PROOF READ THIS: http://mingle2.com/blog/view/10-ways-being-a-geek-makes-you-more-attractive

Prrrrrrrrrride09

2009-08-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hey gays!

I’m no longer a virgin!

Well that’s a different story involving a guitar player and A LOT of alcohol but my parade virginity!

Belfast pride 09 popped my cherry good and proper!

I had an epic amount of fun including being yelled at by protesters, getting hit on by drunk chicks and due to my epic t-shirt I had my cleavage photographed more times than Jodi Marsh!

AND I managed to run into my old gang of gays from Liverpool! It really is a very small gay world after all!

Though small and with the rain it still rocked my socks right off with some great live music and a brilliant atmosphere it was a very cozy way to get introduced to the whole affair.

I’ve never been happier or proud to be a member of the queer community being a lesbian is FRICKING AMASING!!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

I am Mrs Robinson and it’s rather wrong

2009-07-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Hey blogger fans I’m just popping by to let you know I am officially an old pervy lady :(

I was at a local fast food establishment waiting to be served when I noticed the extremely cute cashier smiling at me, she bumped me to the front of the cue and served my super quickly smiling and tossing her hair and all of it…as I was paying she asked me “How’s you’re mum?”….Blink Blink…G’AH!

AND OH MY ACTUAL GOD I instantly recognised the cute girl smiling at me who I’d been mentally undressing as the kid I used to baby sit back in the day!

I’d known her since she was 5 and hadn’t seen her since she was 11 and still very much a girl and now she’s all fit and GROWN up…ewww *does arm flappy grossed out dance*

I consulted my friends and they all agree I’m a perv

Even though she is now 17 it still makes me a filthy old lady

It has thus far been the creepiest moment of my adult life

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

I was drunk and deleted my blogger post

2009-07-29T08:13:00.001-07:00

me=Fail!

Most lesbian reletionship ever...

2009-07-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

4 years of looking and longing but no action
3 years if jealous glances and boyfriend hating
2 years of akward comming out conversations
1 year of letter writting and mixed tape making
6 months of eager phone calls
2 weeks of butterflies and almost there declarations
1 day "I Love you" conversations
2 hours of coupled bliss
1 argument

Never heard from again....

Yerp that pretty much sums up what just happened...on the day Micheal Jackson died no less!

I'll never be able to listen to thriller again!

Wimbledon

2009-06-25T04:06:00.000-07:00

So being British I’ve been really watching the tennis a lot but it's only because the sheer athleticism is something to behold….

I haven’t decided who I want to win this year…maybe in the next round…

OK so I’m mainly watching it for the short skirts and grunting BUT I genuinely do love watching tennis it’s a great sport. I just get pangs of longing for Dana Fairbanks to show up with her soup Chef and Alice cheering her on….

Oh Serena grunt away darling…

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

MOVIE MATH: Domino

2009-06-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

Domino

I watched “Domino” last night via text with my friend and we decided the following:

(Bad camera skillz and script + Keira Knightly’s mad eyebrows) – (Straight Sex scenes < Excellent sexual tension and subtext) x Lucy Lu = Movie to watch when bored

“Domino” therefore gets an Emuh movie rating of…For serious okish

THEMS TEH RULES O MATH!!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!

Emuh
x

Spiders are A holes

2009-06-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

I tried to help a spider out the bath and it committed suicide…

I like spiders and most other creepy crawlies…except slugs and snails…they’re just gross…so I try my best to save them from a fate down the drain or all smooshed against the wall. Most people think it’s kind of weird to try and save the tiny friends rather than just scream and throw shoes at them….

So tonight I was just washing up before bed and notice a large spider in the bath I decided to call him Ralph…so being nature girl I tried to collect Ralph with ease and release him out the window…unfortunately Ralph decided that was a fate worse than death and decided he’d rather jump out my hands and down the drain…

For some reason it’s made me super depressed…is this the effect I have on all creatures?

Was Ralph just a one off or is it me?

Do people prefer a desperate escape that may result in injury or death rather than spend a minute in my company?!?

This spider has clawed open my chest and pulled my heart out revealing the truth about my endeavours into love and friendship!?

OH RALPH YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!!?!?!

FUCK YOU RALPH!

I’M A NICE PERSON!

FUCK YOUR SPIDER ASS!

I TRIED TO HELP YOU RALPH!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH!!!

I tried to free you from the horrors of the bath tub and you went and leapt down the stinking abyss that is the drain!

So R.I.P Ralph you spider a-hole!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Mother I do not want an Ethnic Baby

2009-06-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

Doods I'm home and rather than having my mum call me to pry into my private life it's gotton much worse because she’s started to do it face to face…

She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!

And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”

HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!

You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….

I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:

“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Conversations…

WHAT IS THAT!

I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Mum that’s so gross….

2009-06-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

Hey guys sorry for the poor update status over the past couple of weeks but my life is back in the sticks without internet access…and more recently it fell apart a little….

But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…

No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.

When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.

So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!

I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!

I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….

Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

The interweb makes me smile

2009-05-17T10:15:00.001-07:00

http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

that is all

Ch-ch-changes!

2009-05-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

Heyo my loyal followers!

Here I am tis early in the morning again and all I can think of to do is write to thee.

I’ve been through a lot of changes the last 5 years some physically, some mentally and a lot emotionally not of all of it good but then again not all of it bad.

I’ve meet some people recently who are very awesome and seem to think I’m pretty cool, I’ve learned that I’m actually pretty popular at uni and that people actually consider me to be a person of substance…ME!

I’ve been invisi-girl ever since I got to high school…the ugly geek too shy to speak and too afraid to look, that’s been my identity for the better part of 10 years and to have that changed to be honest is freaking me the heck out.

I’ve been told most of my life that I wasn’t good enough in some way or another I’ve been a failure to someone wither it was my parents, my teachers or my peers. I’ve done something wrong that has excluded me from the ven-diagram of cool and worth while. So for me the use of self deprecation is a way of life…if I say the truth first no one else has the opportunity to discovery it for themselves and has any cause to reject me. I’m the first to admit it’s a pretty simple self defence mechanism, I don’t like thinking the way I do but it’s the only way I know how, I can’t believe someone has an interest in me because they like my personality I HAVE to believe it’s because they pity me. Likewise I can not believe someone is attracted to me, they are either attracted to my friends and using me to get to them or are settling for the likes of me or are trying to win a bet…yerp that’s the only reason and no other. I just can’t conceive the notion that I may actually be appealing to anyone…ANYONE as anything other than a mildly amusing oddity…my brain truly hates me.

So what has sparked this little ranty?

Well when recently chatting to some friends we got onto the topic of my self esteem because we were chatting about love n stuff, I simply admitted my fears that no one would ever go for the likes of me, that I simply wasn’t worthy of attention…they seemed shocked…even more so when I told them I had no idea why they hung out with me at all…even if I am completely hilarious. One in particular (who I have a lot in common with) told me I was crazy, that I needed an ego boost and that I wasn’t just the “funny fat friend” that I AM attractive both personality and looks wise, and not just because of my amazing impression of a manatee. I can not fathom this idea….and then a few people in my classes who I didn’t think noticed me at all started chatting to me and confessed they thought I was too clever for THEM to talk to ME! WTFBBQ!

I look back at the scared 16 year old I was 5 years ago and I really have changed…for the better I hope…I’m not as awkward socially, I LIKE hanging out with my friends, I LIKE being the funny one and I LIKE speaking up and speaking my mind. I don’t find the massive physical difference horrible either, I’ve finally grown into my hideous mug and my ears aren’t the size of Jupiter anymore….and I enjoy the few wrinkles I am the proud owner of…Yes I’m still the biggest dork on the planet, yes I still have tree trunk thighs and a Buddha belly, yes I am still not the prettiest girl in school and nor will I be asked to dance anytime soon but the fact is…I’ve grown up…and I’ve got to try and except the person I’ve grown into isn’t half bad….that may take another 10 years but hey…there’s not rush

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

FEMINISM!!!!!

2009-04-29T04:57:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OK so because I've been complaining about it some of you requested my femnism in contemporary theatre essay.....so here it is:

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=493926

I warn you know it is not very good for the simple fact I could not say all the things I wanted and the fact I was very tired when I wrote it....if teh grammer doesn't make sense I is sorry

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

This is a glorious day!

2009-04-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

Hells yes...

I just handed in MY LAST ESSAY OF THE YEAR!!!

Not only did I get to be an angry femnist I also worked Prop 8 into my conclusion...any doubts my tutor had about my being a giant lesbain are clearly shattered...

Also I've passed my screen writting module but my tutor told me I was "Too Gay"...WTF? I'm the right amount of gay thank you very much....

So as I go into the final tech week of this production I am happy

Go team me!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Hoppy Birfday to meez

2009-04-22T10:57:00.001-07:00

I am offically an old maid

Good Times

Em
x

Oh my Eddie Izzard....

2009-04-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

OK I love Eddie Izzard and want to very much hump him...even though he is a man with man organs...well now I've got my chance because me and my friend Eva just got tickets to attend his politics Q+A session at Liverpool Uni...!

"We can exclusively reveal that Eddie Izzard will be joined at Liverpool University by Labour MPs John Prescott and Ed Miliband! He will host a Q&A session, putting your questions to John and Ed, and answering a few questions himself."

We're pretty much just going to oggle Eddie

Good times I better get some questions togather!

Any suggestions?

OMFG THE DOLLY ROTS.....!

2009-04-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

MADE THE WURZILS SOUND COOL!!

totally nicked...

FRICK!

The more I read about feminism the more I turn into a 1950s house wife…

2009-04-19T04:59:00.000-07:00

OK after reading Carol Churchill and essays about feminism in contemporise culture all day I decided to bake cookies.

Apparently feminism makes you hungry….

I’m a bit of a contradiction to myself because I am a fierce feminist I believe it is the only route in reaching total equality and yet I am the perfect candidate to be someone’s stay at home girlfriend. I love cooking and cleaning, I can sow, I’m good with tools, I can put shelves up straight and I can bake things off the top of my head, from cookies to cakes to scones to pies…I have in-avertedly developed every skill that makes me Susie Home-maker!

Oh the irony of it all….

Anyway the point is it was 9pm and I had been working all day and had a craving for cookies….shops are shut so I decided to bake some…..using my quick n easy technique I developed a new recipe….I used some dried cranberries I had left over and grated some chocolate into the dough and 20 minutes later I had a bakers dozen of tasty tasty cranberry cookies. They are very good even if I say so myself…and best part is the smell of the kitchen is yummy. It does get me that not a lot of students know how to cook simple recipes and how easily impressed they are if you make something from scratch. I remember last year I got bored and baked a chocolate cake with mint icing and my entire flat was stunned….I showed most of them how to make lasagne from scratch and cooked a lot for them, a couple had to use a cook book to make a roast…that gets me. I guess one thing my mum taught me was all the things her grandmother taught her, by getting a feel for food, getting stuck in judging things by texture and smell, not just sticking to what a book says…and then I have my mum’s weird sense of feminism…

She was a right feminist in her day she was the higher wage earner so when I was born my dad stayed at home with me, it was my dad that picked me up and dropped me off from school, and he cooked the dinner and still did after mum retired. I had a weird upbringing my mum had all her feminist ideals but had her religious views that sometime contradicted them. My Dad was a great believer in equality, everyone had a role in our house, he always maintained woman were better suited to running the world and the only time I ever saw him act like an “Alpha male” was if something threatened his family. So I’ve always had that “woman are just as good if not better” attitude and it confuses me when other woman don’t have it, and when people say there’s no need for feminism anymore I get really angry.

There’s one guy on my course in particular that gets my blood boiling whenever we have a debate about feminist theatre he says it is pointless. Whenever we read a play where men are abused he gets up in arms that the female characters are “just as bad as the men which is stupid” ha! Try having men go through thousands of years of oppression then the shoe would be on the other foot. According to him woman have their place and its equal so feminism is redundant because everything’s fine and dandy.

HELLO it’s 2009 and woman STILL don’t get equal pay! Woman are still overlooked when it comes to job security, woman are still top of the crime victim lists, woman are still seen as mothers, wives and whoares by a lot of people and nothing more and the sex industry is still in full swing…now tell me woman are equal…it makes me so angry that woman have been fighting pretty much since the dawn of humanity for their place, and we still haven’t got it….I wish there was a suffragette movement today because I would be in the thick of it, the problem is the majority of woman have to be satisfied or worse don’t care…we’ve lost the will to fight because we’re comfortable.

Man...I need another cookie…

The L word interrogation tapes...

2009-04-17T10:43:00.001-07:00

...I just watched em....and have to say just one thing...

Tina...OMG...most under-used character history ever!

That is all

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Blondie is so gay....

2009-04-15T07:53:00.001-07:00

OK it seems like evry teen lesbian on British telly has this poster:

and I have that poster.

Just Saying...Debbie Harry is a legand but her image has become a visual aid to ID lesbionic ladies befor they themselves know....

Just watch some British shows and you'll see for yourself!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Why dear god why are you starring at ME!?

2009-04-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

OK it's getting to be bad times when a girl can't even sit down in the library without some meat-sack starring at her.

It's really getting to me the amount of male attention I've been getting latly....I don't mean I'm so arrogant I can't abide a man even glancing at me by accident...I mean I'm utterly sick of the WRONG kind of male attention I can't help but attract.

I can't seem to find the right way of putting this but I'll try...

So recently I've been noticing an increasing number of sleazy guys eyeing me up and down and grinning everytime I walk down the street. I've never had any kind of male attention before so the fact men have been looking is bad enough, but what's worse is the abundantly clear looks on their faces that seem to say, "easy prey"....it's disgusting. I'm not saying it's just because guys do it, if a woman looked me the same way, I'd be equally repulsed, it's the expectations behind the looks it's a bit disturbing. I've never classed myself as an attractive girl, because simple fact on fact is that I'm not, so naturally I grew used to the invisibilty that being a "wall flower" type of gal brings. I feel very umcomfortable if someone ANYONE looks at me in a way other than "You're in my way" or "hey can I get to teh bar please?" it's a strange feeling for me to even host the thought someone might find me attractive in the slightest.

But the thing is the guys that stare at me....are in the majority of cases either Turkish or African. I would just like to state right now I have no problem with peoples culture or race this is just what I personally have experianced. I don't know why these men think it's exceptable to stare and make lewd gestures and faces at a woman walking down the street who's minding her own business. I'm a pretty strong person I'm fiercly independant and don't scare easily, but these men do something to me that makes me want to scream, they make me feel vunrable. I was once stalked down the street by some dude in a van that wouldn't leave me alone even when I declared "look asshole I'm gay!", and I'm the type of person who feels like I can protect myself but these men honestly intemidate me and sometimes scare me which in turn makes me angry, The way some men just openly stare at your chest as you walk by it makes me almost ashamed to be a woman...

Now if I was dressing in short skirts, and low tops I might understand some of the attention (even though it'd still be un-exceptible) but the fact is I'm me...I dress in jeans and T-shirts and wear heavy jackets and hoodies! I'm not sexy! I dress for comfort I have to so when I'm starred at like I'm a piece of meat by hungry dogs I feel physically sick.

But the thing is it's not just me in my uncomfortable lesbian skin that feels this way....I have a very good friend who is a bit of a man eater (she says so herself with pride) she likes male attention, she craves it sometimes, but the way THESE type of men look at her make her just as un-comfortable as me. There's something sinister in their stares....

In the clubs it's worse, I am contantly approached even in gay bars by men who think a drunk girl is asking to be date raped. It makes me angry that I can't even feel safe in my own community...the one place of all places that I as a woman, and as a gay woman, should feel at ease.

I'm doing an essay on the need for feminism in contempary socioty....I debated with myself if it was really relevant...I guess it is because it is still hard to walk down the street as a woman KNOWING you're not being looked at as an equal but as a piece of meat that can be bought, consummed and discarded.

I'm more angry at these types of men not as a lesbian but as a woman because as a woman it is my right to be able to walk down a street and feel safe.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x

Life is a drag...

2009-04-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

Oh Sarah Waters you give me such ideas...

Ok so recently I've started reading "Tipping the Velvet" the all girl drag fest that got a bunch of juices flowing for a bunch o' ladies, but as I've been reading it it got my thinking more and more about drag.

Now it's no secret that I like drag...I've always been dressing up...I used to swap my velvet dresses and Start-rite sandles for my friend Tys jeans and jumpers because I hated dressing like a girl.

Now I dress like a girl...a tomboy but a girl and I still love dressing in drag.

My first offical peformance as a boy came when I was 9 I played a photographer and was done up in a suit and green shirt and cravat I'd shamlessly stole the show. Since then I've always managed to get on stage dressed as a guy some way or another...and I really do love it.

I've been told I'm a rather handsome chap more so than when I'm myself, I make a far prettier boy than a girl. I like being a dude, I get a swagger and a manner like you wouldn't belive, I become so very arrogant and to be honest I like that side of myself. When I'm in drag all the womanly fears about how I look, how I move, and what other people think goes out the window and I wear my sexuality out on my sleave for anyone to grab...so to speak

I don't know what it is about having your boobs bandaged down or a sock in your trousers that makes you feel so very sexual but for me it works. It's like all that energy I'm afraid of when I'm myself, all that shyness and bashfulness I have as a girl evaporates when I'm a boy.

Don't get me wrong I'm not trans (though I though about it when I was younger) I am very much a woman. I think the act of pretending is the very thing that makes drag so appealing, it's all character acting, it's not me that can swagger up to a girl and make her giggle with some silly one liner, it's what ever persona I have chossen to put on that can do that. I kind of envy guys the rawness of their sexuality and seem to borrow it for the hour I have my suit and hair slicked back, there's some kind of secret part of my brain that gets tapped into when I don't look like me that allowes me to be more myself than possible.

And is just me or is there somthing totally hot about a drag king and the fact that under-neath it all there lies a compltely gorgous lady body ready to be ravished?

Hmmm....

so I leave you with a picture of myself in drag and let you decide if I'm hotter as a girl or a boy:

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

The Ladies Ninja Warrior-My new favourite TV show

2009-04-07T00:25:00.000-07:00

Ok being basically nocturnal since birth I happen upon some pretty interesting TV shows in the depths of the night…One of my truly epic discoveries was the Japanese genius that is “Takeshi’s Castle”

It’s basically an elaborate obstacle course where random un-fit hyper people run round jumping on polystyrene shapes above 5ft of shallow puddles of brown water, with no regard for health and safety , no real prize and no one ever wins…it is AMAZING and I love it!

However I have since discovered another Japanese show called “Ninja Warrior”

It’s like a slicker version of Takeshi’s Castle except the competitors are healthy, strong, and the obstacles are harder, there IS prize money and ONE person has won.

I don’t know what is both gripping and extremely hilarious about watching Japanese people falling into puddles on rainy days but it’s brilliant. What is perhaps EVEN better than Ninja Warrior?

LADIES OF NINJA WARRIOR!!!

It is my new favourite show….it may be very anti-feminist of me but…I just can’t get enough….

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x