10 things my mother doesn’t know and is never gonna find out

I was showering and was wondering how I was gonna break the news to my mother that I have a tattoo….and it got me thinking what ELSE doesn’t my mother know about me??

Well here’s my top 10

Number 10: That I had a boyfriend for nearly 6 months-My first, last and only boyfriend Simon…sigh…I would sneak off on the train every weekend spend the day with him (and possibly night) hop on the train home and my mother was completely clueless…I was full of a good old fashioned Jewish girl guilt but she never found out and never will…cos I aint gonna tell her…why ruin the illusion?

Number 9: Well it’s linked to number 10 so…My mother does not know (and shouldn’t find out) that I have lost my virginity BOTH ways-I believe this is self explanatory but yeah I’m my mother’s Virginal princess I don’t see any reason for running that illusion…

Number 8: I’ve been cautioned by the police-Now don’t be shocked at me now Blogger peeps but when I was younger I was a Goth…and more than that I was a Goth that liked to party…I may have sotrta kinda gone to an illegal rave…that was broken up by the police and luckily for me I was quite young and the police went easy on me and just told me off

Number 7: I’m banned from Anne Summers in Lisburn for high jinx- Yeah….again when I was 15 I was a bit naughty and took my best friend into the “toys section” where I tickled his ear with a rabbit thruster…and got banned by the highly annoyed manager…so whenever we go bra shopping I have to make up an excuse as to why I can’t go in there…because the manager STILL STILL remembers me :S

Number 6: That the girl that stayed in our house…and my bed…for a week was actually my girlfriend- nuff said I’m extremely lucky my mother thinks of me as pure and innocent and doesn’t get suspicious…

Number 5: That I turned down the chance to do law at one of the best universities in Ireland to come to Liverpool and study theatre- Yeah this is a biggie….I never wanted to do law but I was advised to do it because my grades in politics and history were quite good and I actually got preliminarily accepted on the course at Trinity College Dublin…but….I didn’t formally apply with my UCAS and went with the performing arts courses instead….if my mother ever found out I had a CHANCE to go to Trinity she’ll actually kill me.

Number 4: I broke her favourite vase and blamed it on my dog- :S sorry Rags

Number 3: I lied to her about drinking at my 6th form Formal- I was 17 at the time and therefore not strictly legally allowed to drink but hey it was formal and all my friends were drinking and I was peer pressured into it….ok I wasn’t and I got drunk I’m sorry mum!
Number 2: That I recently had a full STI screening- you know sometimes your mum just DOESN’T need to know about EVERY doctor’s appointment no matter how often she claims she does.

Number 1: I’m actually quite infamous on the interwebs…..MWAHA

So anything you won’t tell yer mum that she doesn’t know?

I wanna know how sneaky yall are

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

V-Day

ragrh it's that time of year again....

Offically a week to go before Valentines day

I'm very not excited

I dispise Valentines day I really disappove and no it's not just because I'm single. I don't like the fact that you're forced to be specially in love one day of the year the same as everyone else...it's so pointless and un-romantic. I declare it a halmark holiday from hell, if you're in a reletionship you shouldn't be forced to be special the same day a year as the rest of the planet, pick your own day it's a lot more spontanuos and a lot more fun. There's so much stress around it especilly if it's your first one:

"How much do I spend?"
"How big a card should I get?"
"is she doing anything for me?"

Bad times right there...

And if you ARE single it seems like everyone in the world is in a reletionship and are dedicating their entire time to remind you you're not, how pathetic you are and how you'll never be happy without the lurve. It makes me want to gag....

Yet another reason I have come to hate Valentines day is the extroidanry amount of PSAs that go on in places you are normally safe! On buses, in the library, the laundry room, your own house! I don't like PSAs anyway people eating the face off each other is never pretty but the whole world seems to have a vacum like hold on each other to the point it acts like an anocanda in the dark...too much tounge...eck.


The world must be in an odd number because I never meet any other single people on the V-day thus proving I'm the only single girl left in existance!

even the RADIO becomes your enemy all those cheesy love songs played on a loop is enough to drive anyone a bit du-lally, I swear if I hear "My endless love" one more time to day I'm punching the next person I see. It's bad enough my eyes are assulted with cheap gifts that are strewn around my regular shops that are expected to get you laid....if anyone dare got me a teddy with "I <3 u" on it I would seriously have to beat them down. It's tacky and thoughtless and purlease....

rawr rawr rawr

However I have come up with the perfect plan to save myself from being assulted, I am going to snooze till noon then stay in my PJs all day while I watch my favorite Xena episodes eating all my favorite foods, before drinking a bottle of wine and enoying a large pizza and watching horror movies...THAT is really waht Valentines day is about bloody murder!

So if you are single don't let the smug coupled people get you down...make the day your own...for me valentines day has become "Xena Marathon day" and you know that's better than waiting in line freezing your ass off waiting to get the last table at some sleazy resturaunt. And if you're in a couple don't let the "V word" get to you...do something diffrent and we singletons would appricate that you keep the PSAs down to minimum...thanks

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x