I was showering and was wondering how I was gonna break the news to my mother that I have a tattoo….and it got me thinking what ELSE doesn’t my mother know about me??
Well here’s my top 10
Number 10: That I had a boyfriend for nearly 6 months-My first, last and only boyfriend Simon…sigh…I would sneak off on the train every weekend spend the day with him (and possibly night) hop on the train home and my mother was completely clueless…I was full of a good old fashioned Jewish girl guilt but she never found out and never will…cos I aint gonna tell her…why ruin the illusion?
Number 9: Well it’s linked to number 10 so…My mother does not know (and shouldn’t find out) that I have lost my virginity BOTH ways-I believe this is self explanatory but yeah I’m my mother’s Virginal princess I don’t see any reason for running that illusion…
Number 8: I’ve been cautioned by the police-Now don’t be shocked at me now Blogger peeps but when I was younger I was a Goth…and more than that I was a Goth that liked to party…I may have sotrta kinda gone to an illegal rave…that was broken up by the police and luckily for me I was quite young and the police went easy on me and just told me off
Number 7: I’m banned from Anne Summers in Lisburn for high jinx- Yeah….again when I was 15 I was a bit naughty and took my best friend into the “toys section” where I tickled his ear with a rabbit thruster…and got banned by the highly annoyed manager…so whenever we go bra shopping I have to make up an excuse as to why I can’t go in there…because the manager STILL STILL remembers me :S
Number 6: That the girl that stayed in our house…and my bed…for a week was actually my girlfriend- nuff said I’m extremely lucky my mother thinks of me as pure and innocent and doesn’t get suspicious…
Number 5: That I turned down the chance to do law at one of the best universities in Ireland to come to Liverpool and study theatre- Yeah this is a biggie….I never wanted to do law but I was advised to do it because my grades in politics and history were quite good and I actually got preliminarily accepted on the course at Trinity College Dublin…but….I didn’t formally apply with my UCAS and went with the performing arts courses instead….if my mother ever found out I had a CHANCE to go to Trinity she’ll actually kill me.
Number 4: I broke her favourite vase and blamed it on my dog- :S sorry Rags
Number 3: I lied to her about drinking at my 6th form Formal- I was 17 at the time and therefore not strictly legally allowed to drink but hey it was formal and all my friends were drinking and I was peer pressured into it….ok I wasn’t and I got drunk I’m sorry mum!
Number 2: That I recently had a full STI screening- you know sometimes your mum just DOESN’T need to know about EVERY doctor’s appointment no matter how often she claims she does.
Number 1: I’m actually quite infamous on the interwebs…..MWAHA
So anything you won’t tell yer mum that she doesn’t know?
I wanna know how sneaky yall are
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Mother I do not want an Ethnic Baby
Doods I'm home and rather than having my mum call me to pry into my private life it's gotton much worse because she’s started to do it face to face…
She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!
And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”
HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!
You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….
I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:
“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Conversations…
WHAT IS THAT!
I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!
And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”
HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!
You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….
I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:
“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Conversations…
WHAT IS THAT!
I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Mum that’s so gross….
Hey guys sorry for the poor update status over the past couple of weeks but my life is back in the sticks without internet access…and more recently it fell apart a little….
But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…
No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.
When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.
So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!
I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!
I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….
Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…
No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.
When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.
So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!
I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!
I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….
Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
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