and I know I like her!
I couldn't be bothered to type all this out...plus I wanted to mime to that song
Cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Showing posts with label emuh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emuh. Show all posts
Friday, 4 March 2011
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
A Gay Girls Guide to Gaydar-how to actually get a date off it
Ok so you and the love of your life have broken up, or you're just having no luck in the dating department, what is the first thing your lesbian friends will say to you....
"Get yourself on gaydar it is crawling with clunge"
But how does one approach the daunting task of gaydar?
Here is my quick and easy guide to getting yourself a date (all based on my own experience so you know it's not guaranteed success)
Step 1-Create Profile: using your wit and measure write some none pretentious lines about yourself without sound desperate, I know that's not easy when you're on a dating site but try to think about how it looks. For instance you could be a stunner ala Rihanna but if you write like a 14 year old chav on bebo it'll put a lot of people off as you're clearly not mentally capable of stringing a proper sentence together, so just use words instead of letters and you should be fine...also DO NOT write something like the following:
"I WANT TO FIND MY SOUL MATE, WILL YOU LOVE ME! PLEASE LOVE ME! I'LL LOVE YOU! LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ME!!!"
That is both off putting and you'll only attract creepy stalker chicks who will love you too much
BONUS TIP: when you pick your pictures and you have more than one option always try to include a full shot of you because the full face shot can be very deceptive, so you may meet someone who thinks you're pretty but then your body type may not be their thing. It saves a lot of heart ache trust me on that one :)
Step 2- Browse the profiles in your location look for the fit girls: Nuff said
Step 3 -If you see someone you like MESSAGE THEM: Unlike the rest of the world of lesbian dating just starring at some girl all night will not get you anywhere, you have to be brave, toss the net out and if she doesn't reply then she doesn't it's not the end of the world.
Step 4- Be flirty but not creepy: don't start immediately asking for sex, unless they ask first...
Step 5- The Facebook Rule: OK so you've been messaging for a while and she doesn't seem crazy and she asks to add you to fb...you can add away just you know be ready for all those embarrassing photos of you to get looked at...and if she de-friends you immediately...don't get too offended
Step 6- Ask her out: In my experience the best first date tends to be coffee/a drink because they can be as short or as long as you like and there isn't a lot of pressure and you are able to talk and get to know each other
Step 7- Ask her out AGAIN
Step 8- If all goes well BAM! girlfriend!
Step 9- Break up: THAT BITCH! I AM SO DELETING HER FROM FACEBOOK!
Step 10- Hover over the delete button, change your mind and look at all her profile pictures: But she is so pretty :(
Step 11- Get drunk and passively aggressively tweet about your now ex: "Don't you hate it when people can't get you off!" or "I never liked cats I only said I did"
Step 12- Have overly heated text message battles that lead you no where and eat up your free texts
Step 13- God her profile picture is so fit, you met her online and what harm could it do to send her a flirty email?
Step 14- Stare at her Gaydar Profile to see how many new views she's got
Step 15- Ask your friends to look at your profile to boost your numbers
Step 16- realise you're crazy
Step 17- write a lengthy apology email
Step 18- Flirt your way back into her good books
Step 19- Realise she is with someone else (most likely her ex) and that isn't you so you're doomed to be forever alone
Step 20- Get drunk and cry
Step 21- Hangover times
Step 22- Realise that actually you only dated for a week or two and that every thing's going to be ok: Listen to your friends and get the hell back on that horse
Step 23- Get your ass back on Gaydar and repeat steps 2 through 8 it is only life after all ;)
Cherry Cherry boom boom
Em
x
"Get yourself on gaydar it is crawling with clunge"
But how does one approach the daunting task of gaydar?
Here is my quick and easy guide to getting yourself a date (all based on my own experience so you know it's not guaranteed success)
Step 1-Create Profile: using your wit and measure write some none pretentious lines about yourself without sound desperate, I know that's not easy when you're on a dating site but try to think about how it looks. For instance you could be a stunner ala Rihanna but if you write like a 14 year old chav on bebo it'll put a lot of people off as you're clearly not mentally capable of stringing a proper sentence together, so just use words instead of letters and you should be fine...also DO NOT write something like the following:
"I WANT TO FIND MY SOUL MATE, WILL YOU LOVE ME! PLEASE LOVE ME! I'LL LOVE YOU! LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ME!!!"
That is both off putting and you'll only attract creepy stalker chicks who will love you too much
BONUS TIP: when you pick your pictures and you have more than one option always try to include a full shot of you because the full face shot can be very deceptive, so you may meet someone who thinks you're pretty but then your body type may not be their thing. It saves a lot of heart ache trust me on that one :)
Step 2- Browse the profiles in your location look for the fit girls: Nuff said
Step 3 -If you see someone you like MESSAGE THEM: Unlike the rest of the world of lesbian dating just starring at some girl all night will not get you anywhere, you have to be brave, toss the net out and if she doesn't reply then she doesn't it's not the end of the world.
Step 4- Be flirty but not creepy: don't start immediately asking for sex, unless they ask first...
Step 5- The Facebook Rule: OK so you've been messaging for a while and she doesn't seem crazy and she asks to add you to fb...you can add away just you know be ready for all those embarrassing photos of you to get looked at...and if she de-friends you immediately...don't get too offended
Step 6- Ask her out: In my experience the best first date tends to be coffee/a drink because they can be as short or as long as you like and there isn't a lot of pressure and you are able to talk and get to know each other
Step 7- Ask her out AGAIN
Step 8- If all goes well BAM! girlfriend!
Step 9- Break up: THAT BITCH! I AM SO DELETING HER FROM FACEBOOK!
Step 10- Hover over the delete button, change your mind and look at all her profile pictures: But she is so pretty :(
Step 11- Get drunk and passively aggressively tweet about your now ex: "Don't you hate it when people can't get you off!" or "I never liked cats I only said I did"
Step 12- Have overly heated text message battles that lead you no where and eat up your free texts
Step 13- God her profile picture is so fit, you met her online and what harm could it do to send her a flirty email?
Step 14- Stare at her Gaydar Profile to see how many new views she's got
Step 15- Ask your friends to look at your profile to boost your numbers
Step 16- realise you're crazy
Step 17- write a lengthy apology email
Step 18- Flirt your way back into her good books
Step 19- Realise she is with someone else (most likely her ex) and that isn't you so you're doomed to be forever alone
Step 20- Get drunk and cry
Step 21- Hangover times
Step 22- Realise that actually you only dated for a week or two and that every thing's going to be ok: Listen to your friends and get the hell back on that horse
Step 23- Get your ass back on Gaydar and repeat steps 2 through 8 it is only life after all ;)
Cherry Cherry boom boom
Em
x
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 12
The final day of the 12 days annnnnnnnd well...IT'S ME!!
Again with my big ugly mug in her faces....seeing as it is the last of my 12 days of christmas...some logic...the 12 days of lesbian christmas enjoy!
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Again with my big ugly mug in her faces....seeing as it is the last of my 12 days of christmas...some logic...the 12 days of lesbian christmas enjoy!
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 9
Again I'm taking liberties with my deffinition of "Lesbian" but I figured a couple of things:
1)Tori Amos is a musical icon in the queer community so it's ok
2) This song is too beautiful not to share
3) this is MY calander and I'm a lesbian so that's link enough :D
Cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
1)Tori Amos is a musical icon in the queer community so it's ok
2) This song is too beautiful not to share
3) this is MY calander and I'm a lesbian so that's link enough :D
Cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Emuhs Lesbian Advent Calender Day 8
Sometimes Christmas can be such a terrible DRAG!
see what I did there??
eh? eh? eh?
Of forget it here's the video...
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
see what I did there??
eh? eh? eh?
Of forget it here's the video...
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Friday, 3 December 2010
Emuhs Lesbian Advant Calender Day 3
Bored of the same old nonsense where some child crys and the head halls off the baby Jesus? NO FEAR! Alternative christmas play comes in the form of "Thank You" by Dale Anderson....pretty sure the PTA will get on board :D
Thank you-A Lesbian Christmas Play
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Thank you-A Lesbian Christmas Play
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Thursday, 2 December 2010
The “G” word
Ok friends I have astounding news
After much deliberation I have some exciting news
I The Emuh geeky writer of this blog have gained an actual real life, no I haven’t made her up, yes she is actually real and amazing, Girlfriend.
I’m going to let that marinade with you all for a second as you remember who I am and what I am like
Still need a moment?
Alright….
….
Ok that’s long enough!
Geez you guys is it really that hard to believe?
I know it really is I can hardly believe it myself if she hadn’t flicked me in the ear earlier I would still be questioning her existence.
I’m not sure how to cope with it to be perfectly honest I’ve never been anyone’s *gulp* girlfriend before that wasn’t long distance, completely horrid or imaginary. I’ve been trying my best not too be so Emuh on the situation but the truth of the matter is GP (Gal Pal) makes me feel and act like a teenager who is going out with their favourite pop star. I have and always have been and will continue to be the funny but fugly friend in the movie of life; you know the un-fancied cynical one you go to when you’re love life is in fail mode? Me all over but now GP has made me a soppy romantic mess. And I finally, for the first time in my sad existence I feel like a co-star in my own life.
I’m no Shane but I’m no virgin either but I’ve never been with someone who seems to find the hot mess in my facebook profile picture attractive. I know she’s not legally blind still it’s pretty close, but it’s a very strange sensation to be called pretty by someone as beautiful as GP is. Any “romance” (and I use the term very loosely) has been the result of someone else’s desperation. Because I have been female and there is usually the only reason people go near me but GP has been sober and has still asked to go out with me again and enjoys kissing my face in public it’s incredibly strange. People have always been too ashamed of me to admit we’re even friend let alone “an item”
That’s why I’m terrified I’m going to mess it up somehow
She makes me ache, and tingle, and shiver, and makes me want to write poetry (awful idea I’m an awful poet~), and makes me nervous as hell when I see her, an and and and OH. MY.GAWD I am so going to get my heart broken when she figures out I’m not worthy to kiss the tip of her fingers. I’m ridiculously into her, like RIDICULOUSLY into her but she never quite understands how she makes me feel. So I guess I’m just going to HAVE to figure out how to be a girlfriend pretty quickly so that she realises….
Cherry cherry boom boom readers
Em
x
After much deliberation I have some exciting news
I The Emuh geeky writer of this blog have gained an actual real life, no I haven’t made her up, yes she is actually real and amazing, Girlfriend.
I’m going to let that marinade with you all for a second as you remember who I am and what I am like
Still need a moment?
Alright….
….
Ok that’s long enough!
Geez you guys is it really that hard to believe?
I know it really is I can hardly believe it myself if she hadn’t flicked me in the ear earlier I would still be questioning her existence.
I’m not sure how to cope with it to be perfectly honest I’ve never been anyone’s *gulp* girlfriend before that wasn’t long distance, completely horrid or imaginary. I’ve been trying my best not too be so Emuh on the situation but the truth of the matter is GP (Gal Pal) makes me feel and act like a teenager who is going out with their favourite pop star. I have and always have been and will continue to be the funny but fugly friend in the movie of life; you know the un-fancied cynical one you go to when you’re love life is in fail mode? Me all over but now GP has made me a soppy romantic mess. And I finally, for the first time in my sad existence I feel like a co-star in my own life.
I’m no Shane but I’m no virgin either but I’ve never been with someone who seems to find the hot mess in my facebook profile picture attractive. I know she’s not legally blind still it’s pretty close, but it’s a very strange sensation to be called pretty by someone as beautiful as GP is. Any “romance” (and I use the term very loosely) has been the result of someone else’s desperation. Because I have been female and there is usually the only reason people go near me but GP has been sober and has still asked to go out with me again and enjoys kissing my face in public it’s incredibly strange. People have always been too ashamed of me to admit we’re even friend let alone “an item”
That’s why I’m terrified I’m going to mess it up somehow
She makes me ache, and tingle, and shiver, and makes me want to write poetry (awful idea I’m an awful poet~), and makes me nervous as hell when I see her, an and and and OH. MY.GAWD I am so going to get my heart broken when she figures out I’m not worthy to kiss the tip of her fingers. I’m ridiculously into her, like RIDICULOUSLY into her but she never quite understands how she makes me feel. So I guess I’m just going to HAVE to figure out how to be a girlfriend pretty quickly so that she realises….
Cherry cherry boom boom readers
Em
x
Monday, 13 September 2010
Dating advice vidja
This has happened to me and I wanted to warn the ladies out there who I lurve through the time hounered lesbian tradtion of guitar based folk song
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Thursday, 13 May 2010
I'm here, I'm Queer...but you knew that already
Hey hey hey
so it's been a crazy crazy couple of months here in Emuh land I've been swamped with University work and get this peeps I just finished my degree....AH!
So this means after graduating in July (I hope....eeeeeeeck) I must become a grown up and get a J-O-B n pay taxes and all kinds of nonsense! scarry times
other less fun things have happened to me these months my mum got really ill and last week the death of my lifetime best friend Rags has made me ultra depressed....but that's for another website and another time
I recenlty i.e yesturday did a performance about homophobia and prop 8 and 2 key parts of that were this mockumentry and this parody song...got a few minutes? wanna see it? suuuuuure!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIy2Mv1T_eg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01vpNc2LOs
Cherry cherry boom boom ladies I hope I have some more exciting things to tell yall soon
Em
x
so it's been a crazy crazy couple of months here in Emuh land I've been swamped with University work and get this peeps I just finished my degree....AH!
So this means after graduating in July (I hope....eeeeeeeck) I must become a grown up and get a J-O-B n pay taxes and all kinds of nonsense! scarry times
other less fun things have happened to me these months my mum got really ill and last week the death of my lifetime best friend Rags has made me ultra depressed....but that's for another website and another time
I recenlty i.e yesturday did a performance about homophobia and prop 8 and 2 key parts of that were this mockumentry and this parody song...got a few minutes? wanna see it? suuuuuure!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIy2Mv1T_eg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01vpNc2LOs
Cherry cherry boom boom ladies I hope I have some more exciting things to tell yall soon
Em
x
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Mother I do not want an Ethnic Baby
Doods I'm home and rather than having my mum call me to pry into my private life it's gotton much worse because she’s started to do it face to face…
She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!
And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”
HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!
You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….
I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:
“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Conversations…
WHAT IS THAT!
I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!
And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”
HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!
You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….
I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:
“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Conversations…
WHAT IS THAT!
I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Sunday, 19 April 2009
Oh my Eddie Izzard....
OK I love Eddie Izzard and want to very much hump him...even though he is a man with man organs...well now I've got my chance because me and my friend Eva just got tickets to attend his politics Q+A session at Liverpool Uni...!
"We can exclusively reveal that Eddie Izzard will be joined at Liverpool University by Labour MPs John Prescott and Ed Miliband! He will host a Q&A session, putting your questions to John and Ed, and answering a few questions himself."
We're pretty much just going to oggle Eddie
Good times I better get some questions togather!
Any suggestions?
"We can exclusively reveal that Eddie Izzard will be joined at Liverpool University by Labour MPs John Prescott and Ed Miliband! He will host a Q&A session, putting your questions to John and Ed, and answering a few questions himself."
We're pretty much just going to oggle Eddie
Good times I better get some questions togather!
Any suggestions?
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Life is a drag...
Oh Sarah Waters you give me such ideas...
Ok so recently I've started reading "Tipping the Velvet" the all girl drag fest that got a bunch of juices flowing for a bunch o' ladies, but as I've been reading it it got my thinking more and more about drag.
Now it's no secret that I like drag...I've always been dressing up...I used to swap my velvet dresses and Start-rite sandles for my friend Tys jeans and jumpers because I hated dressing like a girl.
Now I dress like a girl...a tomboy but a girl and I still love dressing in drag.
My first offical peformance as a boy came when I was 9 I played a photographer and was done up in a suit and green shirt and cravat I'd shamlessly stole the show. Since then I've always managed to get on stage dressed as a guy some way or another...and I really do love it.
I've been told I'm a rather handsome chap more so than when I'm myself, I make a far prettier boy than a girl. I like being a dude, I get a swagger and a manner like you wouldn't belive, I become so very arrogant and to be honest I like that side of myself. When I'm in drag all the womanly fears about how I look, how I move, and what other people think goes out the window and I wear my sexuality out on my sleave for anyone to grab...so to speak
I don't know what it is about having your boobs bandaged down or a sock in your trousers that makes you feel so very sexual but for me it works. It's like all that energy I'm afraid of when I'm myself, all that shyness and bashfulness I have as a girl evaporates when I'm a boy.
Don't get me wrong I'm not trans (though I though about it when I was younger) I am very much a woman. I think the act of pretending is the very thing that makes drag so appealing, it's all character acting, it's not me that can swagger up to a girl and make her giggle with some silly one liner, it's what ever persona I have chossen to put on that can do that. I kind of envy guys the rawness of their sexuality and seem to borrow it for the hour I have my suit and hair slicked back, there's some kind of secret part of my brain that gets tapped into when I don't look like me that allowes me to be more myself than possible.
And is just me or is there somthing totally hot about a drag king and the fact that under-neath it all there lies a compltely gorgous lady body ready to be ravished?
Hmmm....
so I leave you with a picture of myself in drag and let you decide if I'm hotter as a girl or a boy:
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Ok so recently I've started reading "Tipping the Velvet" the all girl drag fest that got a bunch of juices flowing for a bunch o' ladies, but as I've been reading it it got my thinking more and more about drag.
Now it's no secret that I like drag...I've always been dressing up...I used to swap my velvet dresses and Start-rite sandles for my friend Tys jeans and jumpers because I hated dressing like a girl.
Now I dress like a girl...a tomboy but a girl and I still love dressing in drag.
My first offical peformance as a boy came when I was 9 I played a photographer and was done up in a suit and green shirt and cravat I'd shamlessly stole the show. Since then I've always managed to get on stage dressed as a guy some way or another...and I really do love it.
I've been told I'm a rather handsome chap more so than when I'm myself, I make a far prettier boy than a girl. I like being a dude, I get a swagger and a manner like you wouldn't belive, I become so very arrogant and to be honest I like that side of myself. When I'm in drag all the womanly fears about how I look, how I move, and what other people think goes out the window and I wear my sexuality out on my sleave for anyone to grab...so to speak
I don't know what it is about having your boobs bandaged down or a sock in your trousers that makes you feel so very sexual but for me it works. It's like all that energy I'm afraid of when I'm myself, all that shyness and bashfulness I have as a girl evaporates when I'm a boy.
Don't get me wrong I'm not trans (though I though about it when I was younger) I am very much a woman. I think the act of pretending is the very thing that makes drag so appealing, it's all character acting, it's not me that can swagger up to a girl and make her giggle with some silly one liner, it's what ever persona I have chossen to put on that can do that. I kind of envy guys the rawness of their sexuality and seem to borrow it for the hour I have my suit and hair slicked back, there's some kind of secret part of my brain that gets tapped into when I don't look like me that allowes me to be more myself than possible.
And is just me or is there somthing totally hot about a drag king and the fact that under-neath it all there lies a compltely gorgous lady body ready to be ravished?
Hmmm....
so I leave you with a picture of myself in drag and let you decide if I'm hotter as a girl or a boy:
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
The Ladies Ninja Warrior-My new favourite TV show
Ok being basically nocturnal since birth I happen upon some pretty interesting TV shows in the depths of the night…One of my truly epic discoveries was the Japanese genius that is “Takeshi’s Castle”
It’s basically an elaborate obstacle course where random un-fit hyper people run round jumping on polystyrene shapes above 5ft of shallow puddles of brown water, with no regard for health and safety , no real prize and no one ever wins…it is AMAZING and I love it!
However I have since discovered another Japanese show called “Ninja Warrior”
It’s like a slicker version of Takeshi’s Castle except the competitors are healthy, strong, and the obstacles are harder, there IS prize money and ONE person has won.
I don’t know what is both gripping and extremely hilarious about watching Japanese people falling into puddles on rainy days but it’s brilliant. What is perhaps EVEN better than Ninja Warrior?
LADIES OF NINJA WARRIOR!!!
It is my new favourite show….it may be very anti-feminist of me but…I just can’t get enough….
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
It’s basically an elaborate obstacle course where random un-fit hyper people run round jumping on polystyrene shapes above 5ft of shallow puddles of brown water, with no regard for health and safety , no real prize and no one ever wins…it is AMAZING and I love it!
However I have since discovered another Japanese show called “Ninja Warrior”
It’s like a slicker version of Takeshi’s Castle except the competitors are healthy, strong, and the obstacles are harder, there IS prize money and ONE person has won.
I don’t know what is both gripping and extremely hilarious about watching Japanese people falling into puddles on rainy days but it’s brilliant. What is perhaps EVEN better than Ninja Warrior?
LADIES OF NINJA WARRIOR!!!
It is my new favourite show….it may be very anti-feminist of me but…I just can’t get enough….
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Thursday, 2 April 2009
All a girl needs is a fresh pack of AAs
“All I girl needs is a pack of double As and a friendly vibrating bunny”…perhaps not eh?
WARNING THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT ALL THINGS DOWN THERE! IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH A SLIGHTLY CHUBBY GEEK TALKING ABOUT THE NASTY RUN AWAY….NOW!!
SERIOUSLY!
…..
Right let’s get down to it…
Masturbation as you know from previous blogs is something I wholeheartedly endorse it and am not afraid to talk about. I am about to reveal some rather random and potentially incriminating secrets and wasn’t going to type these thoughts up but I thought “Sod it” the whole purpose I started this blog was to write about my experience as a young freshly out woman, good or bad, funny or sad….so while this is by no means “a sex blog” it is about me and I’ve tried to remain honest (I am self in the knowledge my mother is completely baffled by our digital microwave never mind a computer)
I bought my first official vibrator when I was 18 and in fact I bought more than one (I know I am full of surprises)...I chickened out of going to “Anne Summer” to actual buy one in person (despite dragging many of my male friends in there to wave testers in their appalled faces, before being banned on several occasions when I was a teenager) I waited till I was moved away from home with free access to the web and had a separate mailing address to my mother With the VAST choice out there I settled on a Rabbit pearl, a little bullet vibe and a random remote controlled waterproof number. I was giddy waiting for my “discreet” package to arrive, like a kid waiting for their birthday to arrive so they can rip of the wrapper and play. So when I finally got the note from the security lodge telling me to go sign for something I was delighted with myself as I walked knowingly back to my flat with the big, brown package and instantly locked myself in my room to admire my new toys.
I should explain that I was till pretending to be straight and had a peculiar fear I’m sure a few people have had, why couldn’t I have an orgasm? I’d of course had plenty but they were the result of a late night shuffle and a back massager and had only been clitoral and with myself…I’d tried using my own hand but really disliked the sensation of my own hand being there…I figured I needed it to be someone else touching me and making my fireworks. SOMEHOW I’d managed to get myself a Boyfriend the summer before I went off to university…well boyfriends a loss term…I used to sneak out and we used to go to comic book stores and argue before going to Starbucks then back to his to “watch” DVDs….which eventually lead to us semi naked in his room…it was kind of tragic but the best a girl that looks like me could have hoped for. He wasn’t a bad looking bloke, in fact he was quite cute, he had his own flat, a decent job and more importantly he didn’t seem to mind kissing me in public when sober. He was generally a nice guy but did have some genuinely horrible qualities like not acknowledging me to his friends but being all over me when we were alone but on the whole he was an OK guy. The problem was I felt SO uncomfortable and completely turned off when we were getting down to it that it pretty much put me off sex. I mean he was a good kisser and for a straight girl I’m sure he’d have been adequate if not very good in the sack (we never DID IT properly…No I was no lady of the night I was waiting for the right guy…who turned out to be a one night stand who couldn’t keep it up who seduced me when I was drunk and refused to acknowledge anything had happened but tried to make small talk every time he saw me)…ahem…he even had a big chunk of manhood. But Over the 3 months of our sordid affairs where I begrudgingly allowed his erect todger nudge me in places…and
I never came once….not for lack of trying but something else….it worried me that it never once felt good when he was roaming my womanly forest and it panicked me “WHAT IF IT NEVER FELT GOOD! WHAT IF NO ONE CAN MAKE ME COME! THIS MEANS I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX! AHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU VAGINA!!” that kind of thing…
I should explain once again that I have not had the best relationship with my Va-je-je…when I was born I had an infected uterus (I see you salivating at the thought) and had a lot of “Down there trouble”…that has cleared up now thanks...ladies please don’t be afraid of my v-hole she’s OK now…right ok what is my reason for rambling about mangy stuff…well from the ages of 4-6 I had these hideous sharp cream tampon like things stuffed up the valley and lemme tell you those suckers HURT like hell and the nurse shoving ‘em into me wasn’t the nicest. So I guess my poor old lady was associated with pain for quite a long time….but I am rambling about nothing…I guess my point is I didn’t like things being stuffed into me…..
So my first vibrators were my way of saying “ok vagina let’s see if we can do this” because I was sick of all this Freudian fear of penetration stuff I had read about.
Now you’re up to speed with my lady garden and all its problems let’s get back to the point…So back to my dorm room just opened my brown package and was very excited, my rabbit was very pretty and pink and non scary, the bullet vibe was small and simple but the other one was clearly designed from a guys point of view it was hard, and plastic and blue and very non sexy. It took me a while to work up the nerve to actual USE my new toys, I was alone in the flat my housemates all gone home for the weekend, so I pulled it out and tried. I have to admit it disappointed me that I wasn’t writhing in the grasps of pleasure after 10 seconds in fact it was down right painful and I gave up. It wasn’t until after my disastrous one night stand that I got the courage to try again…I forgot trying to imagine some stallion ramming me as “normal” girls had told me had mate it all better…I let myself think about myself and that was enough and this time…OH EM GEE! Possibly the BEST orgasm I’d ever had because of the sweet relief that I COULD tolerate something up my glory space! Slowly I allowed those hidden thought of girls to come into my head and they got better and so I’d finally done it….
Now that was 2 years ago since then I’ve invested in3 new vibrators and have a new love. I ADORE my caterpillar it’s purple, soft fits just right, and the clit stimulator is AWESOME! It’s a very nice little gadget…anyways I have to say being a single girl I am not averse to having some alone time. However lately I have not been enjoying myself at all…it’s become very hollow and an ache for something that simply isn’t there. The sensation is still there and still good but then it vanishes and you stare at the ceiling realising you’re alone, in your bed, listening to Lady GaGa that covers the orgasmic moans of ecstasy and banging coming from next door. It’s brought me close to tears a couple of times because I am tragic and ponder things more than is perhaps good for me. But the problem is there are no kisses, no whispers, no contact what so ever and I miss that, and I’m not an easy person to get close too…I have serious issues with body image but It’s not even that, I’ve had some bad experiences in the past which have deemed me unfit for any kind of human contact by other people…not pleasant…the thing is at this stage of my life I’m simply GAGGING for a relationship…not in a creepy way…well maybe…but I’m ready to attempt an actual human connection because I am more than ready, my fear of intimacy has been shattered. I’ll keep you up to posted but I sense it’s going to be a while before the word “date” or heaven forbid “girlfriend” crops up here.
So what was this journey through my night time roaming around my “flower” about? Why have I told you all this?
I guess I don’t know it’s been part of my self discovery and coming out so thought I’d share.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
WARNING THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT ALL THINGS DOWN THERE! IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH A SLIGHTLY CHUBBY GEEK TALKING ABOUT THE NASTY RUN AWAY….NOW!!
SERIOUSLY!
…..
Right let’s get down to it…
Masturbation as you know from previous blogs is something I wholeheartedly endorse it and am not afraid to talk about. I am about to reveal some rather random and potentially incriminating secrets and wasn’t going to type these thoughts up but I thought “Sod it” the whole purpose I started this blog was to write about my experience as a young freshly out woman, good or bad, funny or sad….so while this is by no means “a sex blog” it is about me and I’ve tried to remain honest (I am self in the knowledge my mother is completely baffled by our digital microwave never mind a computer)
I bought my first official vibrator when I was 18 and in fact I bought more than one (I know I am full of surprises)...I chickened out of going to “Anne Summer” to actual buy one in person (despite dragging many of my male friends in there to wave testers in their appalled faces, before being banned on several occasions when I was a teenager) I waited till I was moved away from home with free access to the web and had a separate mailing address to my mother With the VAST choice out there I settled on a Rabbit pearl, a little bullet vibe and a random remote controlled waterproof number. I was giddy waiting for my “discreet” package to arrive, like a kid waiting for their birthday to arrive so they can rip of the wrapper and play. So when I finally got the note from the security lodge telling me to go sign for something I was delighted with myself as I walked knowingly back to my flat with the big, brown package and instantly locked myself in my room to admire my new toys.
I should explain that I was till pretending to be straight and had a peculiar fear I’m sure a few people have had, why couldn’t I have an orgasm? I’d of course had plenty but they were the result of a late night shuffle and a back massager and had only been clitoral and with myself…I’d tried using my own hand but really disliked the sensation of my own hand being there…I figured I needed it to be someone else touching me and making my fireworks. SOMEHOW I’d managed to get myself a Boyfriend the summer before I went off to university…well boyfriends a loss term…I used to sneak out and we used to go to comic book stores and argue before going to Starbucks then back to his to “watch” DVDs….which eventually lead to us semi naked in his room…it was kind of tragic but the best a girl that looks like me could have hoped for. He wasn’t a bad looking bloke, in fact he was quite cute, he had his own flat, a decent job and more importantly he didn’t seem to mind kissing me in public when sober. He was generally a nice guy but did have some genuinely horrible qualities like not acknowledging me to his friends but being all over me when we were alone but on the whole he was an OK guy. The problem was I felt SO uncomfortable and completely turned off when we were getting down to it that it pretty much put me off sex. I mean he was a good kisser and for a straight girl I’m sure he’d have been adequate if not very good in the sack (we never DID IT properly…No I was no lady of the night I was waiting for the right guy…who turned out to be a one night stand who couldn’t keep it up who seduced me when I was drunk and refused to acknowledge anything had happened but tried to make small talk every time he saw me)…ahem…he even had a big chunk of manhood. But Over the 3 months of our sordid affairs where I begrudgingly allowed his erect todger nudge me in places…and
I never came once….not for lack of trying but something else….it worried me that it never once felt good when he was roaming my womanly forest and it panicked me “WHAT IF IT NEVER FELT GOOD! WHAT IF NO ONE CAN MAKE ME COME! THIS MEANS I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX! AHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU VAGINA!!” that kind of thing…
I should explain once again that I have not had the best relationship with my Va-je-je…when I was born I had an infected uterus (I see you salivating at the thought) and had a lot of “Down there trouble”…that has cleared up now thanks...ladies please don’t be afraid of my v-hole she’s OK now…right ok what is my reason for rambling about mangy stuff…well from the ages of 4-6 I had these hideous sharp cream tampon like things stuffed up the valley and lemme tell you those suckers HURT like hell and the nurse shoving ‘em into me wasn’t the nicest. So I guess my poor old lady was associated with pain for quite a long time….but I am rambling about nothing…I guess my point is I didn’t like things being stuffed into me…..
So my first vibrators were my way of saying “ok vagina let’s see if we can do this” because I was sick of all this Freudian fear of penetration stuff I had read about.
Now you’re up to speed with my lady garden and all its problems let’s get back to the point…So back to my dorm room just opened my brown package and was very excited, my rabbit was very pretty and pink and non scary, the bullet vibe was small and simple but the other one was clearly designed from a guys point of view it was hard, and plastic and blue and very non sexy. It took me a while to work up the nerve to actual USE my new toys, I was alone in the flat my housemates all gone home for the weekend, so I pulled it out and tried. I have to admit it disappointed me that I wasn’t writhing in the grasps of pleasure after 10 seconds in fact it was down right painful and I gave up. It wasn’t until after my disastrous one night stand that I got the courage to try again…I forgot trying to imagine some stallion ramming me as “normal” girls had told me had mate it all better…I let myself think about myself and that was enough and this time…OH EM GEE! Possibly the BEST orgasm I’d ever had because of the sweet relief that I COULD tolerate something up my glory space! Slowly I allowed those hidden thought of girls to come into my head and they got better and so I’d finally done it….
Now that was 2 years ago since then I’ve invested in3 new vibrators and have a new love. I ADORE my caterpillar it’s purple, soft fits just right, and the clit stimulator is AWESOME! It’s a very nice little gadget…anyways I have to say being a single girl I am not averse to having some alone time. However lately I have not been enjoying myself at all…it’s become very hollow and an ache for something that simply isn’t there. The sensation is still there and still good but then it vanishes and you stare at the ceiling realising you’re alone, in your bed, listening to Lady GaGa that covers the orgasmic moans of ecstasy and banging coming from next door. It’s brought me close to tears a couple of times because I am tragic and ponder things more than is perhaps good for me. But the problem is there are no kisses, no whispers, no contact what so ever and I miss that, and I’m not an easy person to get close too…I have serious issues with body image but It’s not even that, I’ve had some bad experiences in the past which have deemed me unfit for any kind of human contact by other people…not pleasant…the thing is at this stage of my life I’m simply GAGGING for a relationship…not in a creepy way…well maybe…but I’m ready to attempt an actual human connection because I am more than ready, my fear of intimacy has been shattered. I’ll keep you up to posted but I sense it’s going to be a while before the word “date” or heaven forbid “girlfriend” crops up here.
So what was this journey through my night time roaming around my “flower” about? Why have I told you all this?
I guess I don’t know it’s been part of my self discovery and coming out so thought I’d share.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Friday, 20 March 2009
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Hey short girls...
Apparently I can only pull really short ladies...I have no problem with this...however I have one point
Attention all short ladies....
I am 5'10
you are small
wear heals and you won't bite my arm instead of my neck
Thank you
Attention all short ladies....
I am 5'10
you are small
wear heals and you won't bite my arm instead of my neck
Thank you
Sunday, 25 January 2009
My new vlog!
Don't ask me why but eurOut.org have asked yours truely to do a weekly vlog!
here's the first installment
"Mistresses Episode One"
here's a preveiw:
I haven't got a name for the vlog so any suggestions?
here's the first installment
"Mistresses Episode One"
here's a preveiw:
I haven't got a name for the vlog so any suggestions?
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Oh snap I thinks I is in major trouble...
http://standup-sitdown.blogspot.com/2009/01/should-i-be-scared.html
Oh snaps!!!
Oh snaps!!!
Friday, 16 January 2009
Yo McManus!!!
Team epic challanges joo to a pillow fight!!
we even have a montage!!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
we even have a montage!!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
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