Short short blog yall
I get badly stereotyped because I'm dark and look "foreign" I was in the states recently and got stopped no less than 10 times by airport police because I looked the way I do and had a British passport…I try and find the funny side but sometimes I have to wonder why people are so quick to judge me because I have hooded eyes and black hair…it gets annoying.
In terms of being a stereotypical lesbian straight people have no idea because I “don’t look that gay” I’m quite lucky that I’m not that pretty so I don’t get hit on a lot but it’s super annoying when I do because guys don’t get that “I’m a lesbian” they hear “I wanna shag you AND another girl at the same time”
I've found that people judge me a lot more WITHEN the community...again because I don’t LOOK super butch or super femme people assume I’m not gay at all! Can I just clarify I really REALLY am SO gay, I’m not in a “uni phase” I like girls yeah…ok we’re clear
And then on a funnier note girls THAT do get pass the “is she gay” thing are always surprised that I’m not a bottom because I’m a big girl…but that’s always nice for me mwahahaha!
cherry cherry boom boom yall!
Em
x
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Monday, 23 November 2009
Saturday, 22 August 2009
YOUR MOM DOESN'T LIVE HERE!!
I'm seriously one of those easily distracted people when I go online and here is the new center of my addiction:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com
xD
I'm getting ideas for when I move back to halls xD
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
P.S "Kicking and Screaming" actually has politically correct hot lesbian football moms! TOTALLY worth endurring Will Ferrel for xD
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com
xD
I'm getting ideas for when I move back to halls xD
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
P.S "Kicking and Screaming" actually has politically correct hot lesbian football moms! TOTALLY worth endurring Will Ferrel for xD
Monday, 27 April 2009
This is a glorious day!
Hells yes...
I just handed in MY LAST ESSAY OF THE YEAR!!!
Not only did I get to be an angry femnist I also worked Prop 8 into my conclusion...any doubts my tutor had about my being a giant lesbain are clearly shattered...
Also I've passed my screen writting module but my tutor told me I was "Too Gay"...WTF? I'm the right amount of gay thank you very much....
So as I go into the final tech week of this production I am happy
Go team me!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
I just handed in MY LAST ESSAY OF THE YEAR!!!
Not only did I get to be an angry femnist I also worked Prop 8 into my conclusion...any doubts my tutor had about my being a giant lesbain are clearly shattered...
Also I've passed my screen writting module but my tutor told me I was "Too Gay"...WTF? I'm the right amount of gay thank you very much....
So as I go into the final tech week of this production I am happy
Go team me!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Why dear god why are you starring at ME!?
OK it's getting to be bad times when a girl can't even sit down in the library without some meat-sack starring at her.
It's really getting to me the amount of male attention I've been getting latly....I don't mean I'm so arrogant I can't abide a man even glancing at me by accident...I mean I'm utterly sick of the WRONG kind of male attention I can't help but attract.
I can't seem to find the right way of putting this but I'll try...
So recently I've been noticing an increasing number of sleazy guys eyeing me up and down and grinning everytime I walk down the street. I've never had any kind of male attention before so the fact men have been looking is bad enough, but what's worse is the abundantly clear looks on their faces that seem to say, "easy prey"....it's disgusting. I'm not saying it's just because guys do it, if a woman looked me the same way, I'd be equally repulsed, it's the expectations behind the looks it's a bit disturbing. I've never classed myself as an attractive girl, because simple fact on fact is that I'm not, so naturally I grew used to the invisibilty that being a "wall flower" type of gal brings. I feel very umcomfortable if someone ANYONE looks at me in a way other than "You're in my way" or "hey can I get to teh bar please?" it's a strange feeling for me to even host the thought someone might find me attractive in the slightest.
But the thing is the guys that stare at me....are in the majority of cases either Turkish or African. I would just like to state right now I have no problem with peoples culture or race this is just what I personally have experianced. I don't know why these men think it's exceptable to stare and make lewd gestures and faces at a woman walking down the street who's minding her own business. I'm a pretty strong person I'm fiercly independant and don't scare easily, but these men do something to me that makes me want to scream, they make me feel vunrable. I was once stalked down the street by some dude in a van that wouldn't leave me alone even when I declared "look asshole I'm gay!", and I'm the type of person who feels like I can protect myself but these men honestly intemidate me and sometimes scare me which in turn makes me angry, The way some men just openly stare at your chest as you walk by it makes me almost ashamed to be a woman...
Now if I was dressing in short skirts, and low tops I might understand some of the attention (even though it'd still be un-exceptible) but the fact is I'm me...I dress in jeans and T-shirts and wear heavy jackets and hoodies! I'm not sexy! I dress for comfort I have to so when I'm starred at like I'm a piece of meat by hungry dogs I feel physically sick.
But the thing is it's not just me in my uncomfortable lesbian skin that feels this way....I have a very good friend who is a bit of a man eater (she says so herself with pride) she likes male attention, she craves it sometimes, but the way THESE type of men look at her make her just as un-comfortable as me. There's something sinister in their stares....
In the clubs it's worse, I am contantly approached even in gay bars by men who think a drunk girl is asking to be date raped. It makes me angry that I can't even feel safe in my own community...the one place of all places that I as a woman, and as a gay woman, should feel at ease.
I'm doing an essay on the need for feminism in contempary socioty....I debated with myself if it was really relevant...I guess it is because it is still hard to walk down the street as a woman KNOWING you're not being looked at as an equal but as a piece of meat that can be bought, consummed and discarded.
I'm more angry at these types of men not as a lesbian but as a woman because as a woman it is my right to be able to walk down a street and feel safe.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
It's really getting to me the amount of male attention I've been getting latly....I don't mean I'm so arrogant I can't abide a man even glancing at me by accident...I mean I'm utterly sick of the WRONG kind of male attention I can't help but attract.
I can't seem to find the right way of putting this but I'll try...
So recently I've been noticing an increasing number of sleazy guys eyeing me up and down and grinning everytime I walk down the street. I've never had any kind of male attention before so the fact men have been looking is bad enough, but what's worse is the abundantly clear looks on their faces that seem to say, "easy prey"....it's disgusting. I'm not saying it's just because guys do it, if a woman looked me the same way, I'd be equally repulsed, it's the expectations behind the looks it's a bit disturbing. I've never classed myself as an attractive girl, because simple fact on fact is that I'm not, so naturally I grew used to the invisibilty that being a "wall flower" type of gal brings. I feel very umcomfortable if someone ANYONE looks at me in a way other than "You're in my way" or "hey can I get to teh bar please?" it's a strange feeling for me to even host the thought someone might find me attractive in the slightest.
But the thing is the guys that stare at me....are in the majority of cases either Turkish or African. I would just like to state right now I have no problem with peoples culture or race this is just what I personally have experianced. I don't know why these men think it's exceptable to stare and make lewd gestures and faces at a woman walking down the street who's minding her own business. I'm a pretty strong person I'm fiercly independant and don't scare easily, but these men do something to me that makes me want to scream, they make me feel vunrable. I was once stalked down the street by some dude in a van that wouldn't leave me alone even when I declared "look asshole I'm gay!", and I'm the type of person who feels like I can protect myself but these men honestly intemidate me and sometimes scare me which in turn makes me angry, The way some men just openly stare at your chest as you walk by it makes me almost ashamed to be a woman...
Now if I was dressing in short skirts, and low tops I might understand some of the attention (even though it'd still be un-exceptible) but the fact is I'm me...I dress in jeans and T-shirts and wear heavy jackets and hoodies! I'm not sexy! I dress for comfort I have to so when I'm starred at like I'm a piece of meat by hungry dogs I feel physically sick.
But the thing is it's not just me in my uncomfortable lesbian skin that feels this way....I have a very good friend who is a bit of a man eater (she says so herself with pride) she likes male attention, she craves it sometimes, but the way THESE type of men look at her make her just as un-comfortable as me. There's something sinister in their stares....
In the clubs it's worse, I am contantly approached even in gay bars by men who think a drunk girl is asking to be date raped. It makes me angry that I can't even feel safe in my own community...the one place of all places that I as a woman, and as a gay woman, should feel at ease.
I'm doing an essay on the need for feminism in contempary socioty....I debated with myself if it was really relevant...I guess it is because it is still hard to walk down the street as a woman KNOWING you're not being looked at as an equal but as a piece of meat that can be bought, consummed and discarded.
I'm more angry at these types of men not as a lesbian but as a woman because as a woman it is my right to be able to walk down a street and feel safe.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Life is a drag...
Oh Sarah Waters you give me such ideas...
Ok so recently I've started reading "Tipping the Velvet" the all girl drag fest that got a bunch of juices flowing for a bunch o' ladies, but as I've been reading it it got my thinking more and more about drag.
Now it's no secret that I like drag...I've always been dressing up...I used to swap my velvet dresses and Start-rite sandles for my friend Tys jeans and jumpers because I hated dressing like a girl.
Now I dress like a girl...a tomboy but a girl and I still love dressing in drag.
My first offical peformance as a boy came when I was 9 I played a photographer and was done up in a suit and green shirt and cravat I'd shamlessly stole the show. Since then I've always managed to get on stage dressed as a guy some way or another...and I really do love it.
I've been told I'm a rather handsome chap more so than when I'm myself, I make a far prettier boy than a girl. I like being a dude, I get a swagger and a manner like you wouldn't belive, I become so very arrogant and to be honest I like that side of myself. When I'm in drag all the womanly fears about how I look, how I move, and what other people think goes out the window and I wear my sexuality out on my sleave for anyone to grab...so to speak
I don't know what it is about having your boobs bandaged down or a sock in your trousers that makes you feel so very sexual but for me it works. It's like all that energy I'm afraid of when I'm myself, all that shyness and bashfulness I have as a girl evaporates when I'm a boy.
Don't get me wrong I'm not trans (though I though about it when I was younger) I am very much a woman. I think the act of pretending is the very thing that makes drag so appealing, it's all character acting, it's not me that can swagger up to a girl and make her giggle with some silly one liner, it's what ever persona I have chossen to put on that can do that. I kind of envy guys the rawness of their sexuality and seem to borrow it for the hour I have my suit and hair slicked back, there's some kind of secret part of my brain that gets tapped into when I don't look like me that allowes me to be more myself than possible.
And is just me or is there somthing totally hot about a drag king and the fact that under-neath it all there lies a compltely gorgous lady body ready to be ravished?
Hmmm....
so I leave you with a picture of myself in drag and let you decide if I'm hotter as a girl or a boy:
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Ok so recently I've started reading "Tipping the Velvet" the all girl drag fest that got a bunch of juices flowing for a bunch o' ladies, but as I've been reading it it got my thinking more and more about drag.
Now it's no secret that I like drag...I've always been dressing up...I used to swap my velvet dresses and Start-rite sandles for my friend Tys jeans and jumpers because I hated dressing like a girl.
Now I dress like a girl...a tomboy but a girl and I still love dressing in drag.
My first offical peformance as a boy came when I was 9 I played a photographer and was done up in a suit and green shirt and cravat I'd shamlessly stole the show. Since then I've always managed to get on stage dressed as a guy some way or another...and I really do love it.
I've been told I'm a rather handsome chap more so than when I'm myself, I make a far prettier boy than a girl. I like being a dude, I get a swagger and a manner like you wouldn't belive, I become so very arrogant and to be honest I like that side of myself. When I'm in drag all the womanly fears about how I look, how I move, and what other people think goes out the window and I wear my sexuality out on my sleave for anyone to grab...so to speak
I don't know what it is about having your boobs bandaged down or a sock in your trousers that makes you feel so very sexual but for me it works. It's like all that energy I'm afraid of when I'm myself, all that shyness and bashfulness I have as a girl evaporates when I'm a boy.
Don't get me wrong I'm not trans (though I though about it when I was younger) I am very much a woman. I think the act of pretending is the very thing that makes drag so appealing, it's all character acting, it's not me that can swagger up to a girl and make her giggle with some silly one liner, it's what ever persona I have chossen to put on that can do that. I kind of envy guys the rawness of their sexuality and seem to borrow it for the hour I have my suit and hair slicked back, there's some kind of secret part of my brain that gets tapped into when I don't look like me that allowes me to be more myself than possible.
And is just me or is there somthing totally hot about a drag king and the fact that under-neath it all there lies a compltely gorgous lady body ready to be ravished?
Hmmm....
so I leave you with a picture of myself in drag and let you decide if I'm hotter as a girl or a boy:
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
“I haven’t seen a walk like that since Jurassic Park!”
I was recently walking down to meet some friends happily going along when I got a text “look behind you”….yerp on of them had spotted me simply by the way I walk. Apparently I bounce when I walk, I blame the fact my feet are 3 sizes bigger than they should be and the men shoes I am forced to purchase as a result, but more recently I’ve been told my walk has changed by friends from back home…That’s right ladies I have (drum roll please) THE LESBIAN SWAGGER!!!
Now as a young whipper snapper of a girl I used to run around and bop about until I was told not to. I always had this slightly clumsy walk because my feet were always a bit too big for my legs but I used to move “to the beat of my own drum” as my mum would say, never really caring if I looked like a weirdo or not. Those were the good ol’ days.
When I was in my teens I used to hunch and shuffle along trying not to be noticed by anyone (not an easy task when you’re 5’10 and the size of a small country) but I developed this scampering, clumsy gait that really didn’t suit me. I kept that walk all through my first year at uni, head down, clutching my books to my chest like a bullet proof vest, apologizing to anyone who brushed past me and trying to blend into the walls. Now not every aspect of my life is ruled by my gayness however I used to walk around like I had a huge and horrid secret, like I was the anti-Christ or something, not that I was this gay lady. So if anyone met my eye I was PETRIFIED they’d some how figure out I was pretending to be something I wasn’t so the shuffle worked. When I finally decided (around 6 months after coming to uni) to come out officially the hunch became even worse until I realised that no one really gave a damn that I was a bundle of gayness, so gradually the hunch started to leave, I started walking around the halls with my head up, started holding doors for people and hears the real kicker….I actually started to look people in the eye and SMILE.
So now I year later I actual have the walk of a slightly concussed rugby player, but at least I’m not getting confused for Quasimodo and I’m definitely not invisible anymore…but I’m not sure I appreciate the fact I’ve now become a spot at 10ft lesbian, a mullet, some new flannel and a pair of cargo shorts and that measurement will increase day by day.
So is that the secret of the lesbian swagger? Being stuck in the closet for 19 years shuffling around with our heads down….then when we break out we’re finally allowed to break out we walk to our own drum….good times….
as for my constant bopping I blame that on my MP3 player and the fact I can't help but bop along
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Friday, 20 March 2009
I love ladies who are hot....and all ladies are hot
Hey-o yall!
Well today I was walking jauntily down the street after investing in a cheap pair of avater sunnys and was feeling pretty cool...then I caught sight of myself in a window and you know what without sounding like a total douche I looked pretty good...in a white trash bohemian indie kid kind of way...but this got me to thinking in a round about way about Body image...
Now as a lady who likes to oggle other ladies I have to say I love every shape and every size I think the womanly form is a sexified thing. Seriously woman are great they have curves and boobs and smell good and have boobs and are alluring and have boobs....boobs...basicly I like woman...A LOT
I have to say the gay ladies for the majority have a seriously healthy attitude towards both their own body image and that of others. Now I'm not saying we're all hippy dippy everyone is beautiful colony because there really is a lot of meat marketing that goes on but in general we're pretty good at enjoying all sorts of womanly delights. For example you'll see a couple that to the straight world will make no sense, like I don't know a chubby butch girl with a lil femme...or 2 butches...or 2 femmes etc. etc. etc. and that really does make me feel proud to be part of this community...
Here's what I've found...in my experiance it is STRAIGHT WOMAN that cause all this cafuffle about being skinny and big headed with your ribs showing. Now PLEASE don't hate me I know we have been conditioned by men in suits to think this, and I blame the fashion industry...seriously who thought it's be a good idea to get gay men that want to dress 12 year old boys to dress grown woman? It's dumb dumb dumb! But what I'm saying is straight woman are a million times bitchier about the way someone looks....why all the insecurity? why are woman turning on each other constantly? it baffles the hell out me....
Prime Example
Miss Kelly Clarkson I'm sure you'll all agree she is a very very very attractive woman, and recently she's reappeared looking (in my opinion) a lot better, she's a healthier weight and looks GREAT...however I was disgusted with my staight housemate who insisted on declaring how FAT she is and how she "shouldn't be on TV looking like that, she's letting her fans down"...WTF!?!?!? I'm her fan and she sure as hell hasn't let ME down
Maybe I'm being too harsh on the straight ladies but that's just my experiances.
We need to STOP hating ourselves and I know I'm one of the worst people to be saying this...or maybe the best...it's no secret that I don't like the way I look, it's something I've always struggled with since I was a little bit of a thing so I'm gonna work on that...if you guys promise to as well.
We're all woman and that alone makes us beautiful
I mean we have boobs instead of man parts and that alone is cause for celebration
OK I'm off to watch ANTM Lladies be frickin' FIERCE!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Well today I was walking jauntily down the street after investing in a cheap pair of avater sunnys and was feeling pretty cool...then I caught sight of myself in a window and you know what without sounding like a total douche I looked pretty good...in a white trash bohemian indie kid kind of way...but this got me to thinking in a round about way about Body image...
Now as a lady who likes to oggle other ladies I have to say I love every shape and every size I think the womanly form is a sexified thing. Seriously woman are great they have curves and boobs and smell good and have boobs and are alluring and have boobs....boobs...basicly I like woman...A LOT
I have to say the gay ladies for the majority have a seriously healthy attitude towards both their own body image and that of others. Now I'm not saying we're all hippy dippy everyone is beautiful colony because there really is a lot of meat marketing that goes on but in general we're pretty good at enjoying all sorts of womanly delights. For example you'll see a couple that to the straight world will make no sense, like I don't know a chubby butch girl with a lil femme...or 2 butches...or 2 femmes etc. etc. etc. and that really does make me feel proud to be part of this community...
Here's what I've found...in my experiance it is STRAIGHT WOMAN that cause all this cafuffle about being skinny and big headed with your ribs showing. Now PLEASE don't hate me I know we have been conditioned by men in suits to think this, and I blame the fashion industry...seriously who thought it's be a good idea to get gay men that want to dress 12 year old boys to dress grown woman? It's dumb dumb dumb! But what I'm saying is straight woman are a million times bitchier about the way someone looks....why all the insecurity? why are woman turning on each other constantly? it baffles the hell out me....
Prime Example
Miss Kelly Clarkson I'm sure you'll all agree she is a very very very attractive woman, and recently she's reappeared looking (in my opinion) a lot better, she's a healthier weight and looks GREAT...however I was disgusted with my staight housemate who insisted on declaring how FAT she is and how she "shouldn't be on TV looking like that, she's letting her fans down"...WTF!?!?!? I'm her fan and she sure as hell hasn't let ME down
Maybe I'm being too harsh on the straight ladies but that's just my experiances.
We need to STOP hating ourselves and I know I'm one of the worst people to be saying this...or maybe the best...it's no secret that I don't like the way I look, it's something I've always struggled with since I was a little bit of a thing so I'm gonna work on that...if you guys promise to as well.
We're all woman and that alone makes us beautiful
I mean we have boobs instead of man parts and that alone is cause for celebration
OK I'm off to watch ANTM Lladies be frickin' FIERCE!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
THE REASON!!!
After simply YEARS of trying to figure out what the heck was up with the singles-ness I have finally discovered....THE REASON!!!
BAD TIMES!
Cherry Cherry BOOM BOOM
Em
x
BAD TIMES!
Cherry Cherry BOOM BOOM
Em
x
Thursday, 5 March 2009
"There are A LOT of crazy people out there....and you will date them"
"There are A LOT of crazy people out there....and you will date them"
Ok we all know what a whinney biatch I am about being single.....not gonna get into it....but I watched this video today....and without sounding super cheesy it SPOKE to me xD
(the girl also says "Not in a Bax" and that made me smile)
So why am I doing my monthly "Single hate hate hate" thing?Well my house mate used to be my buddy in crying about our singleness....cept now she's gone and got back togather with her American boyfriend and ergo I am truely the only single girl left in the entire university...if not the world.
Here's the deal with me...I WANT to date but I can't because I'm so frickin' afraid....
I have....THE FEAR!!! (SCARY ECHO VOICE)
You know THE FEAR!!!!!....?
That evil little nagging that makes you think really dumb things when you think you've meet someone you could possibly be in to?
Things like...
"Oh they don't really like me they're just being polite"
"Wow they're being nice to me...I'm no way good enough to be talking to this person"
"Oh they like me as a friend...it's because I'm funny...oh god stop telling jokes!"
"They're smiling and looking at me...clearly they want me to introduce them to my friend"
"Oh they made out with me that was a kind act of chariety"
"OK they have their hand on my ass...clearly they are trying to rob me"
You know all that kind of thing....So I'm appaling at it all but it's time to face facts
I'M DESTINED TO BE ALONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you know what as long as I can have a Dog called Bunny and a Cat called Gilbert I can handle it BWAHAHAHAHA!!
This is all Rachels fault damn her and her happiness!
Ok we all know what a whinney biatch I am about being single.....not gonna get into it....but I watched this video today....and without sounding super cheesy it SPOKE to me xD
(the girl also says "Not in a Bax" and that made me smile)
So why am I doing my monthly "Single hate hate hate" thing?Well my house mate used to be my buddy in crying about our singleness....cept now she's gone and got back togather with her American boyfriend and ergo I am truely the only single girl left in the entire university...if not the world.
Here's the deal with me...I WANT to date but I can't because I'm so frickin' afraid....
I have....THE FEAR!!! (SCARY ECHO VOICE)
You know THE FEAR!!!!!....?
That evil little nagging that makes you think really dumb things when you think you've meet someone you could possibly be in to?
Things like...
"Oh they don't really like me they're just being polite"
"Wow they're being nice to me...I'm no way good enough to be talking to this person"
"Oh they like me as a friend...it's because I'm funny...oh god stop telling jokes!"
"They're smiling and looking at me...clearly they want me to introduce them to my friend"
"Oh they made out with me that was a kind act of chariety"
"OK they have their hand on my ass...clearly they are trying to rob me"
You know all that kind of thing....So I'm appaling at it all but it's time to face facts
I'M DESTINED TO BE ALONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you know what as long as I can have a Dog called Bunny and a Cat called Gilbert I can handle it BWAHAHAHAHA!!
This is all Rachels fault damn her and her happiness!
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Hey short girls...
Apparently I can only pull really short ladies...I have no problem with this...however I have one point
Attention all short ladies....
I am 5'10
you are small
wear heals and you won't bite my arm instead of my neck
Thank you
Attention all short ladies....
I am 5'10
you are small
wear heals and you won't bite my arm instead of my neck
Thank you
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Lookit some answers from me...
Well I figured that most of you don't know me personally so here is one of those lil survey thingys to perhaps give you more insight into my insane mind:
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Too often and always in airports
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?
Nope...I mean what's the point of going on them if you don't watch?
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Maybe 7/8 years ago? I used to take my surf board to the top of the hill and ride down
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Alone...I feel really uncomfortable when someone else is in bed with me....like I might squish them
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
hmmmm...get back to me on that
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Creative oh heck yes...artistic and orginal with any talent? nope
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I have no idea.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Jennifer Aniston. I still think Angelina Jolie looks like an alien...no harm to her just...eww
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
I know enough...and certainly far more than anyone I know...excpet maybe my friend who actually STUDIES it...Though I have forgotton most everything I learned durring my A -Levels
10. Do you know how to play ?
No....I think that's my problem
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
My current record is 76 hours..insomnia is a bitch....
12. What's your favorite commercial?
Right now? gotta be this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVblWq3tDwY
some people hind it creepy I can honestly say I laugh my ass off every single time I see it
13. Who was your first love?
Rosey (mumblemumblemumble) she was this hot older woman....I was 4 at the time...we had this endless love...till someone else came along and bribed her with rolos
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
Don't drive....and hate people that do that kin of thing
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Of Course everyone does
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Red Sox!!! GO BOSTON! :D
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
I'm pretty good at it actually
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
pretty regularly at least a couple of hours
19. What's the one thing on your mind?
Mmmm chocolate
20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yerp
21. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I had nipple confidence
22. Do you like Sushi?
No. I dont eat fish...least not the kind that swims
23. What do you wear to bed?
Old t shirts and pj bottoms
24. Do you truly anyone?
????
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Am I allowed to pick married people? Because top of that list is Idina Menzel....she could take me or leave me the minx
26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Not that I'm aware of...but you never know
27. What food do you find disgusting?
Anything with fish, cabbage or cauliflower
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Oh heck yes...and ha it done back....it's the womans code
29. Have you ever been punched in the face
Yeah my nephew broke my jaw....not bad considering he was 7 at the time
30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
I belive in Dan Brown does that count?
Wow this was actually a pretty borring one sorry folks but maybe you enoyed it anyway
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Too often and always in airports
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?
Nope...I mean what's the point of going on them if you don't watch?
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Maybe 7/8 years ago? I used to take my surf board to the top of the hill and ride down
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Alone...I feel really uncomfortable when someone else is in bed with me....like I might squish them
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
hmmmm...get back to me on that
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Creative oh heck yes...artistic and orginal with any talent? nope
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I have no idea.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Jennifer Aniston. I still think Angelina Jolie looks like an alien...no harm to her just...eww
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
I know enough...and certainly far more than anyone I know...excpet maybe my friend who actually STUDIES it...Though I have forgotton most everything I learned durring my A -Levels
10. Do you know how to play ?
No....I think that's my problem
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
My current record is 76 hours..insomnia is a bitch....
12. What's your favorite commercial?
Right now? gotta be this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVblWq3tDwY
some people hind it creepy I can honestly say I laugh my ass off every single time I see it
13. Who was your first love?
Rosey (mumblemumblemumble) she was this hot older woman....I was 4 at the time...we had this endless love...till someone else came along and bribed her with rolos
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
Don't drive....and hate people that do that kin of thing
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Of Course everyone does
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Red Sox!!! GO BOSTON! :D
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
I'm pretty good at it actually
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
pretty regularly at least a couple of hours
19. What's the one thing on your mind?
Mmmm chocolate
20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yerp
21. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I had nipple confidence
22. Do you like Sushi?
No. I dont eat fish...least not the kind that swims
23. What do you wear to bed?
Old t shirts and pj bottoms
24. Do you truly anyone?
????
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Am I allowed to pick married people? Because top of that list is Idina Menzel....she could take me or leave me the minx
26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Not that I'm aware of...but you never know
27. What food do you find disgusting?
Anything with fish, cabbage or cauliflower
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Oh heck yes...and ha it done back....it's the womans code
29. Have you ever been punched in the face
Yeah my nephew broke my jaw....not bad considering he was 7 at the time
30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
I belive in Dan Brown does that count?
Wow this was actually a pretty borring one sorry folks but maybe you enoyed it anyway
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Just because I know how to build a table doesn't mean I'm butch...
For the last time I'm not butch :(
I have absolutly NOTHING against butch girls I just don't identify as one
I know this seems really petty but it does really bug me...I hate labels I realllllly do and this really bugs me....can't I just be myself? I don't dress super girlie and I like to do active things but I like make up and I like feeling like a girl...People seem to think because I have short hair I'm butch, the simple thing I suit diffrent hair lengths and prefer to have it short....when I was a kid I had super long hair and now it's like a control thing for me....whatever I'm rambling.
I guess I'm sick of all the meat marketing that goes on in the gay community....you have to be a type and have a type and stick only to that...but I like people...all sorts of people...sometimes I'm really attracted to "butch" girls sometimes to super "femme" girls but usally I go for people in between....so why do we obsess over labels so much? The world does that to us enough why do we continue this ourselves? So pathetic really....can't we all just get along?
So for now I leave all miffed and ponderous...I wear chapstick and girlie underwear...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
OMG I puked in the roses sorry...
Valentines day LITERALLY made me sick....not kiding
I woke up with a blistering headache, boiling hot, and looking like death...
Yay :(
so instead of my dream day I spent the day wrapped in my duvet, eating tomoato soup and feeling very sorry for myself. On top of all that I had the most painful toothache EEEEEEEEVER.....so was running up to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out with anti-bacterial mouth wash that burned my mouth to the point of me wanting to pull my own tooth out rather than suffer the fluid hate circling my poor poor mouth.
So I ened up all mopey watching "The 100 greatest sex symbols" before getting mad that all this ugly but funny men were getting through and all the woman were super models with no personality....sigh....that's why I'm glad we have the afterellen hot 100 list....
But I am alive (if only just) and was amased to see prius in my driveway....I didn't know people actually bought them.....they remind me of my BLF who wants one but keeps going on about how gay they are....and that cheered me up.
This isn't the greatest funniest blog I know BUT I am going out this week (if I feel better) with my few lesbian friends and in two weeks I'm taking my Bi friend out on a "friend date" to the theatre and then to my favorite resturaunt and then my fave bar it's gonna be a lot of fun.
I have quite a bit of work to do this week to :(
OH!
and also I just finished up the first season of my vlog for eurOut.org....I'm not that happy with it to be honest...I'm not that funny if I'm alone I need smarter people to bounce off.....because I'm the funny/sarcastic one I have a short attention span....oh look a butterfly....
But I didn't think I did that good a ob though I am super super grateful to everyone who watched it.....we'll see if they want me to come back...I have a lot of fun doing it so....we'll see.
So check that out over on http://www.eurout.org
So that's it from me
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
I woke up with a blistering headache, boiling hot, and looking like death...
Yay :(
so instead of my dream day I spent the day wrapped in my duvet, eating tomoato soup and feeling very sorry for myself. On top of all that I had the most painful toothache EEEEEEEEVER.....so was running up to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out with anti-bacterial mouth wash that burned my mouth to the point of me wanting to pull my own tooth out rather than suffer the fluid hate circling my poor poor mouth.
So I ened up all mopey watching "The 100 greatest sex symbols" before getting mad that all this ugly but funny men were getting through and all the woman were super models with no personality....sigh....that's why I'm glad we have the afterellen hot 100 list....
But I am alive (if only just) and was amased to see prius in my driveway....I didn't know people actually bought them.....they remind me of my BLF who wants one but keeps going on about how gay they are....and that cheered me up.
This isn't the greatest funniest blog I know BUT I am going out this week (if I feel better) with my few lesbian friends and in two weeks I'm taking my Bi friend out on a "friend date" to the theatre and then to my favorite resturaunt and then my fave bar it's gonna be a lot of fun.
I have quite a bit of work to do this week to :(
OH!
and also I just finished up the first season of my vlog for eurOut.org....I'm not that happy with it to be honest...I'm not that funny if I'm alone I need smarter people to bounce off.....because I'm the funny/sarcastic one I have a short attention span....oh look a butterfly....
But I didn't think I did that good a ob though I am super super grateful to everyone who watched it.....we'll see if they want me to come back...I have a lot of fun doing it so....we'll see.
So check that out over on http://www.eurout.org
So that's it from me
cherry cherry boom boom
Em
x
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Staright girls purlease get an imagination
o.O
I think I've been mentally scarred for life...
Remember my blog when I was like "ANGELS IN AMERICA! PROP 8 BOO! STRAIGHT PEOPLE THINK YAY!"?
well maybe I was a bit pre-mature in my happiness that straight people think about us gays....well obviously we still have a ways to go....after the conversation I had on monday....
well maybe that's a bit harsh but I was still like "wtf you are not seriously asking me these questions....ok you are"
The converstaion went a little like this:
Girl 1: Emma can I ask you a question...
Emuh: Suuuuuuure
Girl 1: You know lesbians...
Emuh: I do yes...(internal-uh-oh radar up)
Girl 1: Are you like scared of penetration?
Emuh: -Blank stare-
Girl 2: Yeah what do you guys do? I mean gay guys you understand holes and...yeah but with lesbians..
Emuh: No we're not scarred of penetration...if it's done right
Girl 3: How?
Emuh: well 2 sets of hands....
Girls: Ewwwwwwww!!!
Girl 3: yeah but we do that as forplay
Emuh: Yeah but if it's done right
Girl 2: why do you use strap ons? why not just f*** a guy?
Emuh: Because...that's like you having sex with a girl wearing a strap on...it's about attraction
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Everyone thinks the primary sex act is just oral but there is SOOOOO much more
Girl 3: like what?
Emuh: -getting increasingly embarrased- there's all sorts, lik erm grinding, strap ons, fmannual, mutal....
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Sorry...
OK am I the only one who thinks it's weird that the question "what lesbians do in bed" is irrelevant in this day and age?
Luckily I have no problem talking bout sex...(its the only experiance I have of sex right now...grumble) but for serious? come on girls watch the L word sometime...or buy a book...or you know...have some lesbian sex -shrugs-
Don't be a tourist
That's all really
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
I think I've been mentally scarred for life...
Remember my blog when I was like "ANGELS IN AMERICA! PROP 8 BOO! STRAIGHT PEOPLE THINK YAY!"?
well maybe I was a bit pre-mature in my happiness that straight people think about us gays....well obviously we still have a ways to go....after the conversation I had on monday....
well maybe that's a bit harsh but I was still like "wtf you are not seriously asking me these questions....ok you are"
The converstaion went a little like this:
Girl 1: Emma can I ask you a question...
Emuh: Suuuuuuure
Girl 1: You know lesbians...
Emuh: I do yes...(internal-uh-oh radar up)
Girl 1: Are you like scared of penetration?
Emuh: -Blank stare-
Girl 2: Yeah what do you guys do? I mean gay guys you understand holes and...yeah but with lesbians..
Emuh: No we're not scarred of penetration...if it's done right
Girl 3: How?
Emuh: well 2 sets of hands....
Girls: Ewwwwwwww!!!
Girl 3: yeah but we do that as forplay
Emuh: Yeah but if it's done right
Girl 2: why do you use strap ons? why not just f*** a guy?
Emuh: Because...that's like you having sex with a girl wearing a strap on...it's about attraction
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Everyone thinks the primary sex act is just oral but there is SOOOOO much more
Girl 3: like what?
Emuh: -getting increasingly embarrased- there's all sorts, lik erm grinding, strap ons, fmannual, mutal....
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Sorry...
OK am I the only one who thinks it's weird that the question "what lesbians do in bed" is irrelevant in this day and age?
Luckily I have no problem talking bout sex...(its the only experiance I have of sex right now...grumble) but for serious? come on girls watch the L word sometime...or buy a book...or you know...have some lesbian sex -shrugs-
Don't be a tourist
That's all really
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Straightness EPIC PHAIL!!!!
aka GAYEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!
Went to town today and decided I should treat myself to lunch after doing all my coursework...ended up in the Lesbian book store vegan cafe, reading a copy of diva, drinking vegan friendly coffee and carrot cake, whilst listening to tegan and sara on my MP3, before browsing the "Extreme Feminism" section of said book store and really thinking about buying something....
Conclusion?
Super Lesbian to the rescue!
Went to town today and decided I should treat myself to lunch after doing all my coursework...ended up in the Lesbian book store vegan cafe, reading a copy of diva, drinking vegan friendly coffee and carrot cake, whilst listening to tegan and sara on my MP3, before browsing the "Extreme Feminism" section of said book store and really thinking about buying something....
Conclusion?
Super Lesbian to the rescue!
Friday, 30 January 2009
How Angels and Aids led to Prop 8
Welcome to my life....
OK as some of you may know I am a theatrical studies erm student and we're doing "Angels in America" which I'm sure you know...if you don't it's a stunning play about Life as a homosexual and the Aids crisis of the 80s I suggest everyone who hasn't reads it because it's really amazing. Anyway we were researching some facts about the policy in place that Gay men can't give blood and somehow....SOMEHOW we got talking about prop. 8
I don't know if you've noticed buy I am more than a bit active in my persuit of knowledge when it comes to gay rights so I showed and informed my group some information. None of them could belive that Homosexuality is still considered a crime in the states, or that Gay unions don't have the same rights as straight ones.
It was so fantastic to see all these people agree and talk about it and agreeing that it is absurd it just goes to show that by educating people does make a difference. It really made me happy that people agree with me that aren't gay...having the straightest of the straight agreed really validated my argument.
So yay for educated breeders it was good times
oh and I'm playing Joe and have to come out to my mum on the phone....so I guess I can get all Stanislavsky on that and draw from real life
Cheery Cheery Boom Boom
Em
x
OK as some of you may know I am a theatrical studies erm student and we're doing "Angels in America" which I'm sure you know...if you don't it's a stunning play about Life as a homosexual and the Aids crisis of the 80s I suggest everyone who hasn't reads it because it's really amazing. Anyway we were researching some facts about the policy in place that Gay men can't give blood and somehow....SOMEHOW we got talking about prop. 8
I don't know if you've noticed buy I am more than a bit active in my persuit of knowledge when it comes to gay rights so I showed and informed my group some information. None of them could belive that Homosexuality is still considered a crime in the states, or that Gay unions don't have the same rights as straight ones.
It was so fantastic to see all these people agree and talk about it and agreeing that it is absurd it just goes to show that by educating people does make a difference. It really made me happy that people agree with me that aren't gay...having the straightest of the straight agreed really validated my argument.
So yay for educated breeders it was good times
oh and I'm playing Joe and have to come out to my mum on the phone....so I guess I can get all Stanislavsky on that and draw from real life
Cheery Cheery Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Dear holier than thou housemate...
...SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
I'm 2 stories above you and can STILL here your obnoxious laughter and conversation
It is bad enough I must live with you in the first place
I warned you ast night about the fucking noise and tonight I will be willing to slap a bitch....if not more
for your own safety I suggest you and your skanky ass boyfriend keep it down
Some of actual still GO to our classes just because you don't doesn't mean the world has stopped.
Wake me again you shall feel my chain wallet connect to your skanky ass face
SHUT UP YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A CRACK WHOARE!!!
Sincerly
your murderer to be
I'm 2 stories above you and can STILL here your obnoxious laughter and conversation
It is bad enough I must live with you in the first place
I warned you ast night about the fucking noise and tonight I will be willing to slap a bitch....if not more
for your own safety I suggest you and your skanky ass boyfriend keep it down
Some of actual still GO to our classes just because you don't doesn't mean the world has stopped.
Wake me again you shall feel my chain wallet connect to your skanky ass face
SHUT UP YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A CRACK WHOARE!!!
Sincerly
your murderer to be
Friday, 16 January 2009
Yo McManus!!!
Team epic challanges joo to a pillow fight!!
we even have a montage!!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
we even have a montage!!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
The "L" word...the one without Jennifer Beals
Hey lesbiholics! (and possible breeders) I thought I'd take this opportunity to recount the tragic tale of my first experience of being in *looks around to whispers* love. First I better explain my views on the whole "Love" issue...I've always been cynical about it, because I grew up in an environment where "love" was a term that was not tossed around lightly, which meant that when I hear "I love you" I take it seriously. I hate hate HATE it when people say it after a week. Yes you may really like the person you've been dating for 3 days but you don't love them, it'd be pretty weird if you did. My parents were deeply in love even after 22 years of marriage, I don't think my father ever went out or to sleep without saying "I love you" to my mother, even if they had argued he always said it in case the worst should happen. Unfortunately it did and he passed away in 2002 after suffering a massive heart attack, but the last thing he ever said to my mother and me was "I love you" I carry that in my heart everyday and feel so lucky I got to hear it.
I'm digressing but the point is too many people say it just to say it and that pisses me off, it feels like disrespectful, and actually offends me a little. I also believe there is a difference to loving someone and being in love with someone. I adore my friends and there are 3 that I love, they are my deepest friends and I tell them that I love them if I feel the need to, I'd do anything for them but that feeling is another universe of feelings to a romantic relationship. Being in love is something completely different I can't express how I'd tell someone I was in love with them, I've never had that opportunity so I can't really comment....if this makes sense let me know... OK enough explanation about my morals and ideas let's get down to the nitty gritty... I know it's cheesy but a song...in fact a Tegan and Sara song...sums up perfectly my first experience of being in love.
OK I don't know how you interpret that song but for me it's about that intense first love the one that stays in your chest long after it's gone especially if you've lost it because it's come to an end. I was tragic in high school, I was a fat, unpopular, geek that hide away into obsession and generally being a nerd. I loved musical theatre and was deranged in my lust for Patricia Quinn, so I logged onto the website and forum and meet the girl...I mean THE girl. It was by accident we meet when I was 17 and used to chat all the time, send each other letters, and despite the Continently difference (My UK her Ohio USA) we became fast friends. We were both "straight" (cough) and I simply thought this intense bond I had with her was friendship. That is until she got a boyfriend and I became almost insanely jealous, how DARE this boy touch her, think he could kiss her, she was incredible! I mean she was smart, and funny, incredibly gorgeous and Oh my actual god I liked her…like a lot a lot....I knew it right then I was gay.
It took maybe a year and a half for me to realise it but I had accidentally developed the worst crush of all time with one of my best friends and when I did it took my by surprise. Should I tell her? I decided to send her a letter letting her know that I at least "liked her" liked her, she didn't respond but our friendship continued un-disturbed until we both came out around the same time. I was planning a visit to the states so we could at least say "Hey there best friend" in person. As I was in mid flight booking, she said something very surprising, one night we were joking around like girls do about being touchy feely (I went to a girls school and my friends are lesbi-freinds (look that up) so that wasn't a weird occurrence) when she slowed down and asked seriously "would you find if I did...you know...was touchy feely with you?"....WHUT! I asked her why and she said because she liked me and had for a while I was a-gasp. Pretty much straight away the letters to each other became old fashioned declarations of “intentions” being 19 I was afraid of being hurt but I went for it and let myself enjoy the feeling. Obviously it’s different when you’re in a long distance whirlwind affair it’s difficult to be taken seriously and you’re worried the other person feels differently. It was very tragic straight out of a WW2 film, it was delicious and I never thought it would end…it did.
A few months went by the conversation turned platonic again….I knew what happened…she’d meet someone else. She told me about this girl and it cut me deep. It really hurt, but I kinda expected it, I mean who’d want me? And She was too good for me it was only a matter of time before she realised it and got herself someone worthy of her affections. But it still hurt….well this new girl didn’t last very long and before long we were back to being in our “weird open long distance relationship” and I did go to visit her last summer for 2 weeks. Well when I arrived she tackled me in the airport and the trip was amazing. Within a week I’d completely fallen in love with her, I mean head over heals in love and it was amazing. We had some great nights and then we got drunk. BUT rather than what you may be thinking nothing happened….I didn’t so much as kiss her because I was too afraid of rejection. I regret it now but at the time it was the right decision I didn’t want her to be drunk if anything was gonna happen I wanted to be sure if anything did happen it was because she really did liked me and could handle the thought of being with someone like me. So on leaving I did the tragic lesbian thing and wrote her a letter and gave her my favourite necklace that I’d worn the whole time. When I left it was horrible we both cried at the airport and hugged for 10 minutes, I cried because she cried, she cried because I was leaving it was very tragic.
When I got home I was a wreck I just lay in my room reading bad lesbian fiction listening to “The Con” and “Nineteen” over and over along with the mixed CD she had made for me…Oh my I wanted the world to end because the pain was so bad, it physically hurt that I couldn’t be with her. I finally understood what people were talking about when they said they were heart-broken it was very hard to endure. But after about a month I managed to get over myself and start to live again but it took me a good 6 months to get over her, and honestly I’m still not there’s still a wee spark there ready to be inflamed. She’s still one of my greatest friends and we talk all the time but she’ll always have a special place in my heart as my first love. I think I’ll be carrying a flame for her my entire life.
So why’d I tell you all this tragic information?
Well I just wanted to let the younger girls out there that have been broken up with or have lost someone that it’s ok. It will get better trust me and no the pain doesn’t vanish it just becomes a different feeling…acceptance. It takes time it really does but it gets better, this part of you’re life is important but it’s a very small part. Don’t be afraid to feel , but don’t abuse the word LOVE…you’ll know when it’s love and everything else will become very clear, don’t rush yourself to fall in love…it’s true what they say you can’t hurry love you’ll just have to wait….indeed.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
I'm digressing but the point is too many people say it just to say it and that pisses me off, it feels like disrespectful, and actually offends me a little. I also believe there is a difference to loving someone and being in love with someone. I adore my friends and there are 3 that I love, they are my deepest friends and I tell them that I love them if I feel the need to, I'd do anything for them but that feeling is another universe of feelings to a romantic relationship. Being in love is something completely different I can't express how I'd tell someone I was in love with them, I've never had that opportunity so I can't really comment....if this makes sense let me know... OK enough explanation about my morals and ideas let's get down to the nitty gritty... I know it's cheesy but a song...in fact a Tegan and Sara song...sums up perfectly my first experience of being in love.
Nineteen
I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I laid beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(Call me)
I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to
Feel the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
And now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
Flew home,
Back to where we met
Stayed inside
I was so upset
Cooked up a plan,
So good except
I was all alone
You were all I had
Love you
You were all mine
Love me
I was yours right
I was yours right
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I laid beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(Call me)
I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to
Feel the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
And now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
Flew home,
Back to where we met
Stayed inside
I was so upset
Cooked up a plan,
So good except
I was all alone
You were all I had
Love you
You were all mine
Love me
I was yours right
I was yours right
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
OK I don't know how you interpret that song but for me it's about that intense first love the one that stays in your chest long after it's gone especially if you've lost it because it's come to an end. I was tragic in high school, I was a fat, unpopular, geek that hide away into obsession and generally being a nerd. I loved musical theatre and was deranged in my lust for Patricia Quinn, so I logged onto the website and forum and meet the girl...I mean THE girl. It was by accident we meet when I was 17 and used to chat all the time, send each other letters, and despite the Continently difference (My UK her Ohio USA) we became fast friends. We were both "straight" (cough) and I simply thought this intense bond I had with her was friendship. That is until she got a boyfriend and I became almost insanely jealous, how DARE this boy touch her, think he could kiss her, she was incredible! I mean she was smart, and funny, incredibly gorgeous and Oh my actual god I liked her…like a lot a lot....I knew it right then I was gay.
It took maybe a year and a half for me to realise it but I had accidentally developed the worst crush of all time with one of my best friends and when I did it took my by surprise. Should I tell her? I decided to send her a letter letting her know that I at least "liked her" liked her, she didn't respond but our friendship continued un-disturbed until we both came out around the same time. I was planning a visit to the states so we could at least say "Hey there best friend" in person. As I was in mid flight booking, she said something very surprising, one night we were joking around like girls do about being touchy feely (I went to a girls school and my friends are lesbi-freinds (look that up) so that wasn't a weird occurrence) when she slowed down and asked seriously "would you find if I did...you know...was touchy feely with you?"....WHUT! I asked her why and she said because she liked me and had for a while I was a-gasp. Pretty much straight away the letters to each other became old fashioned declarations of “intentions” being 19 I was afraid of being hurt but I went for it and let myself enjoy the feeling. Obviously it’s different when you’re in a long distance whirlwind affair it’s difficult to be taken seriously and you’re worried the other person feels differently. It was very tragic straight out of a WW2 film, it was delicious and I never thought it would end…it did.
A few months went by the conversation turned platonic again….I knew what happened…she’d meet someone else. She told me about this girl and it cut me deep. It really hurt, but I kinda expected it, I mean who’d want me? And She was too good for me it was only a matter of time before she realised it and got herself someone worthy of her affections. But it still hurt….well this new girl didn’t last very long and before long we were back to being in our “weird open long distance relationship” and I did go to visit her last summer for 2 weeks. Well when I arrived she tackled me in the airport and the trip was amazing. Within a week I’d completely fallen in love with her, I mean head over heals in love and it was amazing. We had some great nights and then we got drunk. BUT rather than what you may be thinking nothing happened….I didn’t so much as kiss her because I was too afraid of rejection. I regret it now but at the time it was the right decision I didn’t want her to be drunk if anything was gonna happen I wanted to be sure if anything did happen it was because she really did liked me and could handle the thought of being with someone like me. So on leaving I did the tragic lesbian thing and wrote her a letter and gave her my favourite necklace that I’d worn the whole time. When I left it was horrible we both cried at the airport and hugged for 10 minutes, I cried because she cried, she cried because I was leaving it was very tragic.
When I got home I was a wreck I just lay in my room reading bad lesbian fiction listening to “The Con” and “Nineteen” over and over along with the mixed CD she had made for me…Oh my I wanted the world to end because the pain was so bad, it physically hurt that I couldn’t be with her. I finally understood what people were talking about when they said they were heart-broken it was very hard to endure. But after about a month I managed to get over myself and start to live again but it took me a good 6 months to get over her, and honestly I’m still not there’s still a wee spark there ready to be inflamed. She’s still one of my greatest friends and we talk all the time but she’ll always have a special place in my heart as my first love. I think I’ll be carrying a flame for her my entire life.
So why’d I tell you all this tragic information?
Well I just wanted to let the younger girls out there that have been broken up with or have lost someone that it’s ok. It will get better trust me and no the pain doesn’t vanish it just becomes a different feeling…acceptance. It takes time it really does but it gets better, this part of you’re life is important but it’s a very small part. Don’t be afraid to feel , but don’t abuse the word LOVE…you’ll know when it’s love and everything else will become very clear, don’t rush yourself to fall in love…it’s true what they say you can’t hurry love you’ll just have to wait….indeed.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
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