So being British I’ve been really watching the tennis a lot but it's only because the sheer athleticism is something to behold….
I haven’t decided who I want to win this year…maybe in the next round…
OK so I’m mainly watching it for the short skirts and grunting BUT I genuinely do love watching tennis it’s a great sport. I just get pangs of longing for Dana Fairbanks to show up with her soup Chef and Alice cheering her on….
Oh Serena grunt away darling…
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Monday, 22 June 2009
MOVIE MATH: Domino
Domino
I watched “Domino” last night via text with my friend and we decided the following:
(Bad camera skillz and script + Keira Knightly’s mad eyebrows) – (Straight Sex scenes < Excellent sexual tension and subtext) x Lucy Lu = Movie to watch when bored
“Domino” therefore gets an Emuh movie rating of…For serious okish
THEMS TEH RULES O MATH!!!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!
Emuh
x
I watched “Domino” last night via text with my friend and we decided the following:
(Bad camera skillz and script + Keira Knightly’s mad eyebrows) – (Straight Sex scenes < Excellent sexual tension and subtext) x Lucy Lu = Movie to watch when bored
“Domino” therefore gets an Emuh movie rating of…For serious okish
THEMS TEH RULES O MATH!!!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!
Emuh
x
Monday, 15 June 2009
Spiders are A holes
I tried to help a spider out the bath and it committed suicide…
I like spiders and most other creepy crawlies…except slugs and snails…they’re just gross…so I try my best to save them from a fate down the drain or all smooshed against the wall. Most people think it’s kind of weird to try and save the tiny friends rather than just scream and throw shoes at them….
So tonight I was just washing up before bed and notice a large spider in the bath I decided to call him Ralph…so being nature girl I tried to collect Ralph with ease and release him out the window…unfortunately Ralph decided that was a fate worse than death and decided he’d rather jump out my hands and down the drain…
For some reason it’s made me super depressed…is this the effect I have on all creatures?
Was Ralph just a one off or is it me?
Do people prefer a desperate escape that may result in injury or death rather than spend a minute in my company?!?
This spider has clawed open my chest and pulled my heart out revealing the truth about my endeavours into love and friendship!?
OH RALPH YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!!?!?!
FUCK YOU RALPH!
I’M A NICE PERSON!
FUCK YOUR SPIDER ASS!
I TRIED TO HELP YOU RALPH!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH!!!
I tried to free you from the horrors of the bath tub and you went and leapt down the stinking abyss that is the drain!
So R.I.P Ralph you spider a-hole!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
I like spiders and most other creepy crawlies…except slugs and snails…they’re just gross…so I try my best to save them from a fate down the drain or all smooshed against the wall. Most people think it’s kind of weird to try and save the tiny friends rather than just scream and throw shoes at them….
So tonight I was just washing up before bed and notice a large spider in the bath I decided to call him Ralph…so being nature girl I tried to collect Ralph with ease and release him out the window…unfortunately Ralph decided that was a fate worse than death and decided he’d rather jump out my hands and down the drain…
For some reason it’s made me super depressed…is this the effect I have on all creatures?
Was Ralph just a one off or is it me?
Do people prefer a desperate escape that may result in injury or death rather than spend a minute in my company?!?
This spider has clawed open my chest and pulled my heart out revealing the truth about my endeavours into love and friendship!?
OH RALPH YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!!?!?!
FUCK YOU RALPH!
I’M A NICE PERSON!
FUCK YOUR SPIDER ASS!
I TRIED TO HELP YOU RALPH!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH!!!
I tried to free you from the horrors of the bath tub and you went and leapt down the stinking abyss that is the drain!
So R.I.P Ralph you spider a-hole!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Mother I do not want an Ethnic Baby
Doods I'm home and rather than having my mum call me to pry into my private life it's gotton much worse because she’s started to do it face to face…
She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!
And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”
HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!
You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….
I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:
“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Conversations…
WHAT IS THAT!
I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!
And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”
HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!
You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….
I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:
“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Conversations…
WHAT IS THAT!
I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Mum that’s so gross….
Hey guys sorry for the poor update status over the past couple of weeks but my life is back in the sticks without internet access…and more recently it fell apart a little….
But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…
No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.
When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.
So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!
I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!
I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….
Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…
No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.
When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.
So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!
I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!
I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….
Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Ch-ch-changes!
Heyo my loyal followers!
Here I am tis early in the morning again and all I can think of to do is write to thee.
I’ve been through a lot of changes the last 5 years some physically, some mentally and a lot emotionally not of all of it good but then again not all of it bad.
I’ve meet some people recently who are very awesome and seem to think I’m pretty cool, I’ve learned that I’m actually pretty popular at uni and that people actually consider me to be a person of substance…ME!
I’ve been invisi-girl ever since I got to high school…the ugly geek too shy to speak and too afraid to look, that’s been my identity for the better part of 10 years and to have that changed to be honest is freaking me the heck out.
I’ve been told most of my life that I wasn’t good enough in some way or another I’ve been a failure to someone wither it was my parents, my teachers or my peers. I’ve done something wrong that has excluded me from the ven-diagram of cool and worth while. So for me the use of self deprecation is a way of life…if I say the truth first no one else has the opportunity to discovery it for themselves and has any cause to reject me. I’m the first to admit it’s a pretty simple self defence mechanism, I don’t like thinking the way I do but it’s the only way I know how, I can’t believe someone has an interest in me because they like my personality I HAVE to believe it’s because they pity me. Likewise I can not believe someone is attracted to me, they are either attracted to my friends and using me to get to them or are settling for the likes of me or are trying to win a bet…yerp that’s the only reason and no other. I just can’t conceive the notion that I may actually be appealing to anyone…ANYONE as anything other than a mildly amusing oddity…my brain truly hates me.
So what has sparked this little ranty?
Well when recently chatting to some friends we got onto the topic of my self esteem because we were chatting about love n stuff, I simply admitted my fears that no one would ever go for the likes of me, that I simply wasn’t worthy of attention…they seemed shocked…even more so when I told them I had no idea why they hung out with me at all…even if I am completely hilarious. One in particular (who I have a lot in common with) told me I was crazy, that I needed an ego boost and that I wasn’t just the “funny fat friend” that I AM attractive both personality and looks wise, and not just because of my amazing impression of a manatee. I can not fathom this idea….and then a few people in my classes who I didn’t think noticed me at all started chatting to me and confessed they thought I was too clever for THEM to talk to ME! WTFBBQ!
I look back at the scared 16 year old I was 5 years ago and I really have changed…for the better I hope…I’m not as awkward socially, I LIKE hanging out with my friends, I LIKE being the funny one and I LIKE speaking up and speaking my mind. I don’t find the massive physical difference horrible either, I’ve finally grown into my hideous mug and my ears aren’t the size of Jupiter anymore….and I enjoy the few wrinkles I am the proud owner of…Yes I’m still the biggest dork on the planet, yes I still have tree trunk thighs and a Buddha belly, yes I am still not the prettiest girl in school and nor will I be asked to dance anytime soon but the fact is…I’ve grown up…and I’ve got to try and except the person I’ve grown into isn’t half bad….that may take another 10 years but hey…there’s not rush
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Here I am tis early in the morning again and all I can think of to do is write to thee.
I’ve been through a lot of changes the last 5 years some physically, some mentally and a lot emotionally not of all of it good but then again not all of it bad.
I’ve meet some people recently who are very awesome and seem to think I’m pretty cool, I’ve learned that I’m actually pretty popular at uni and that people actually consider me to be a person of substance…ME!
I’ve been invisi-girl ever since I got to high school…the ugly geek too shy to speak and too afraid to look, that’s been my identity for the better part of 10 years and to have that changed to be honest is freaking me the heck out.
I’ve been told most of my life that I wasn’t good enough in some way or another I’ve been a failure to someone wither it was my parents, my teachers or my peers. I’ve done something wrong that has excluded me from the ven-diagram of cool and worth while. So for me the use of self deprecation is a way of life…if I say the truth first no one else has the opportunity to discovery it for themselves and has any cause to reject me. I’m the first to admit it’s a pretty simple self defence mechanism, I don’t like thinking the way I do but it’s the only way I know how, I can’t believe someone has an interest in me because they like my personality I HAVE to believe it’s because they pity me. Likewise I can not believe someone is attracted to me, they are either attracted to my friends and using me to get to them or are settling for the likes of me or are trying to win a bet…yerp that’s the only reason and no other. I just can’t conceive the notion that I may actually be appealing to anyone…ANYONE as anything other than a mildly amusing oddity…my brain truly hates me.
So what has sparked this little ranty?
Well when recently chatting to some friends we got onto the topic of my self esteem because we were chatting about love n stuff, I simply admitted my fears that no one would ever go for the likes of me, that I simply wasn’t worthy of attention…they seemed shocked…even more so when I told them I had no idea why they hung out with me at all…even if I am completely hilarious. One in particular (who I have a lot in common with) told me I was crazy, that I needed an ego boost and that I wasn’t just the “funny fat friend” that I AM attractive both personality and looks wise, and not just because of my amazing impression of a manatee. I can not fathom this idea….and then a few people in my classes who I didn’t think noticed me at all started chatting to me and confessed they thought I was too clever for THEM to talk to ME! WTFBBQ!
I look back at the scared 16 year old I was 5 years ago and I really have changed…for the better I hope…I’m not as awkward socially, I LIKE hanging out with my friends, I LIKE being the funny one and I LIKE speaking up and speaking my mind. I don’t find the massive physical difference horrible either, I’ve finally grown into my hideous mug and my ears aren’t the size of Jupiter anymore….and I enjoy the few wrinkles I am the proud owner of…Yes I’m still the biggest dork on the planet, yes I still have tree trunk thighs and a Buddha belly, yes I am still not the prettiest girl in school and nor will I be asked to dance anytime soon but the fact is…I’ve grown up…and I’ve got to try and except the person I’ve grown into isn’t half bad….that may take another 10 years but hey…there’s not rush
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
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