Thursday, 25 June 2009


So being British I’ve been really watching the tennis a lot but it's only because the sheer athleticism is something to behold….

I haven’t decided who I want to win this year…maybe in the next round…

OK so I’m mainly watching it for the short skirts and grunting BUT I genuinely do love watching tennis it’s a great sport. I just get pangs of longing for Dana Fairbanks to show up with her soup Chef and Alice cheering her on….

Oh Serena grunt away darling…

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Monday, 22 June 2009



I watched “Domino” last night via text with my friend and we decided the following:

(Bad camera skillz and script + Keira Knightly’s mad eyebrows) – (Straight Sex scenes < Excellent sexual tension and subtext) x Lucy Lu = Movie to watch when bored

“Domino” therefore gets an Emuh movie rating of…For serious okish


Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!


Monday, 15 June 2009

Spiders are A holes

I tried to help a spider out the bath and it committed suicide…

I like spiders and most other creepy crawlies…except slugs and snails…they’re just gross…so I try my best to save them from a fate down the drain or all smooshed against the wall. Most people think it’s kind of weird to try and save the tiny friends rather than just scream and throw shoes at them….

So tonight I was just washing up before bed and notice a large spider in the bath I decided to call him Ralph…so being nature girl I tried to collect Ralph with ease and release him out the window…unfortunately Ralph decided that was a fate worse than death and decided he’d rather jump out my hands and down the drain…

For some reason it’s made me super depressed…is this the effect I have on all creatures?

Was Ralph just a one off or is it me?

Do people prefer a desperate escape that may result in injury or death rather than spend a minute in my company?!?

This spider has clawed open my chest and pulled my heart out revealing the truth about my endeavours into love and friendship!?







I tried to free you from the horrors of the bath tub and you went and leapt down the stinking abyss that is the drain!

So R.I.P Ralph you spider a-hole!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Mother I do not want an Ethnic Baby

Doods I'm home and rather than having my mum call me to pry into my private life it's gotton much worse because she’s started to do it face to face…

She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!

And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”

HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!

You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….

I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:

“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”



I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Mum that’s so gross….

Hey guys sorry for the poor update status over the past couple of weeks but my life is back in the sticks without internet access…and more recently it fell apart a little….

But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…

No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.

When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.

So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!

I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!

I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….

Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom