Saturday, 24 September 2011

I'm bringing sexay back...though not really cos it's just me

Hey ho hello hi and bonjour!

I am such a terrible awful awful blogger, I have written far too many of these "hey I'm back, I'm sorry for not writing more, love you guys!" posts

I completely lost my password and have had a hell of a time remembering it (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it) so ladies I do apologize so very very much for disappearing!

I've done some quite exciting new grown up things since we last spoke such as moving out of home, applying for proper like grown up jobby things, and learning how to say "No" to karaoke (this I believe is my greatest achievement) but imagine my awesome and lovely surprise that when I did log back in I had TEN brand spanking new followers! I must warn you new folks this blog is mostly drivel mingled with my mad desire to tell you all about my sex life or to be more accurate my masturbation habits and past sexual disasters.

But I am resolute to keep this blog alive as long as there are people out there willing to read it.

I am therefore promising you all a post (and a vlog very exciting) in the next week to make up for July and Augusts total lack of activity.

so for now my sweet hearts I bid you fare thee well and I WILL BE BACK SOON!

If I'm not I give you all full permission to abuse me on my twitter page until I do something

For now my darlings I say as always

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Tuesday, 5 July 2011


Wanna see me dressed as a very cute boy, meet some hot ladies, have a good dance, have a few shots and confess your sins??

Then pop down to The Nunnery

Nuns giving out twisted communion and more till 11pm! Men are allowed in after 11 for monastery of sound to dance the night away with camp club classics! Not to be missed

£3 before half 10/£5 after. R.O.A.R @Mynt Belfast

Monday, 4 July 2011

If you like me then you should have put a ring on

Be proud of me blog fans!

It has now been an entire month since I have had any sort of physical sexual contact with a lady...excluding any drunken gropes that may or may not have happened cos you know that doesn't count.

2 weeks since I replied to a drunken text

and about 3 minutes since I last thought about sex...damn I lost the game.

But in the past month I have given up women and it hasn't been for a lack of interest, on the contrary it seems I have become (for reasons no one will understand) a sort of catnip for single females of the gay variety in the Belfast area. Now don't take this as a boast my dear few readers, I am as baffled by this as anyone if not more so, I'm chalking it up to people needing a fat gf to make them look better in summer holiday snaps and a chemical imbalance in the water.

But after a 6 months where I seem to have lived through every single lesbian dating stereotype disaster I have deiced enough is enough. I'm just fed up with drama so I decided to make a list of women I should avoid in order to have a drama free relationship/ dating environment:

Women with Boyfriends: you'd think this was pretty self explanatory but sadly no I have a habit of being bi-sexual taken girls little bit of lesbian ruff. I put it down to my boyish good looks (snark) and my total availability and lack of lesbian GFs. I do need to stop letting my vagina do all the thinking in these situations though because I hate being the other woman, I used to think it's all I'd ever be good for but I've since discovered I'm actually pretty cute and a damn good catch for a real life single lady who wants me so I'm about to man the fuck up and end my cycle of being a home wrecker.

Women who demand instant commitment: I'm going to let you in on a little secret...I am a total commitment-phobe well in terms of traditional lesbian dating ritual. Call me crazy but I think it takes more than 3 dates to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone but apparently not so much. I need to avoid girls who just leap from one relationship to another and want me to adopt Chinese babies and rent u-hauls trucks (not an easy feet considering I live in a country that does not HAVE u-haul trucks) This is easier said than done, apparently sane, coherent, and sensible ladies can turn into frothy mouthed, multiple texting, angry email and all dropping the "L" word insanely early MONSTER without a politely worded letter to explain that is a possibility! *shudder*

Woman with red hair: They are my absolute DOWN-FALL, I'm not saying anything about what kind of girls they are but they tend to turn me into watery, dribbley mess, and I loose all self control and become a "pootie chasing dawg" in the words of the ever gracious Kit Porter.

Woman who do not know I exist: Oh Sue Perkins I do not care that you are 20 years older than me and would never consider me as wife material but le sigh I can not get you off my mind! I have a serious problem with fantasizing about celesbians that I'd consider "top tottie" and how we are actually in fully formed coherent relationships. Yeah...I know I'm working on that just as soon as Kristin and I get the new curtains in and Jo Frost gets the kids in college :D

Woman who are not real: Fictional characters fall into the above category of "when emuh has too much time on her hands and let's her imagination run away with her". I just want the dream romance ala Tipping the Velvet (ok bad example) but I just AM Nan...I even have the good looks of a boy as she...FINE I'm a bit sad and don't get out much and imagining myself seducing Amy Pond in the Tardis wearing a fez and a bow tie....bloody ding

Unfortunately my exact type seems to be fictional taken bi-sexual red head crazy commitment wanting girls sigh....AMY POND! SUPER NANNY!! THAT REALLY HOT GIRL FROMM THAT FILM I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!!


I'm going back to Gaydar to trawl for some clunge

Cherry cherry boom boom

Sunday, 19 June 2011

The Key to Happiness

So you know the way I had massive news?

I don't really want to get too over excited yet but seeing as it's so close to happening I thought I'd share.

There's a 98% chance I will be moving in with my writting partner and lesbian bestie Gemma by the end of July :D

I'm really really hoping this happens because Gemma is awesome and I NEED to move out of my mums house. I still have some details to take care of in reguards of helping mum with bills and getting a room mate agreement drawn up but I feel pretty confident this is gonna happen.

It's gonna be a lesbian barbie dream house except without the hot pink (boke) and with a lot more vodka.

So that's part one of the big news I'll report back with part two asap so stay tuned.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Monday, 13 June 2011


Hello my few and faitful followers I am here to procalim that I am not dead!

I shall be back in a week or two once I get my laptop back, I am currently mooching off my friend Gemma and muh as I love her, we all know I blog better at 3am when madness sets in.

I have quite a lot to tell you guys and I'm very excited.

My life may be changing drastically in the next month or so and I'm very excited.

I also pinkie promise to keep this blog up better with lesbionic topics of lesbianity.

I miss you guys

Keep the faith

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Saturday, 16 April 2011


and now that I have your attention let me talk to you about gay sex.

I've gotten a few questions from young gay ladies about "OMG IT'S THE FIRST TIME WHAT DO I DO!?!?!" and the simple answer is whatever you feel comfortable with, there are no rules, and I'm sorry there is NO instruction manual (I looked trust me).

The first time I had sex with a woman was fucking petrifying, I wasn't really ready for it and in hindsight wish I'd have waited but I was very much in love and we were in Dublin and it was romantic, and she was American, and going home and and and....sigh. The following may be tmi but basically I erm "Dined downstairs" had no idea what I was doing and basically tried my best based on stuff I'd read in "The Joy of Lesbian Sex", the L word and the moans emitting from the headboard of the bunk bed.

However the first time I let a woman touch me at all she tried to fist me, the girl after that wouldn't even go near my vagina annnnd then things got slightly better. My life is one sexual disaster after another it seems but the key is to take it too seriously.

Don't panic, assuming you're with someone you trust there won't be a 5 inch thick dildo and a bunch of straps and wires to cope with. Let them know it's your first time and that you need to take it slow, if it's both your first times relax with each other and just start with kissing and not to sound like a total hippy sex counselor explore each other. It's going to be awkward, there's no way to avoid it, the first time you have sex with anyone it's going to be awkward, but it can be beautifully so. And don't feel just because you've started you have to finish the first time you're naked with whoever you're with take it at your own pace.

To give you some frank and honest advice the best thing (in my opinion) to do is just touch her, caress her all over and slowly work your way to her lady parts. This won't only give you some time to chillax it can be very arousing just being together and feeling each others touch can be one of the most pleasant things about sex in general not just lesbian sex, but I think it's one of the perks of lesbianism is the way a woman touches you is very different to the way a man touches you. Don't just go shoving as many fingers inside of her and jam away like they do in those pathetic porno, start slowly with one or two running around her pussy, don't neglect her clit either and just listen to what she wants. Communication is the absolute key because some people prefer being penetrated some people prefer just straight up clit stimulation don't be afraid to ask her. The one piece of advice I would give for penetration is the "come hither" finger movement and not so much in and out but more caressing her inside, and to quote the great Alice Pieszecki "circles, circles are good"

When it comes to "taking the plunge" so to speak I'd again say take your time and USE YOUR WHOLE TOUNGE if it's not for you don't think that doesn't make you not gay, there's more to sex than just oral.

The best advice I can give is communication, I'd recommend this for all sex but especially your first time. For the most part girls won't expect you go down on them the first time you sleep with them because it can be a little intense and don't be afraid to say "I'm not ready for that yet" . Also don't be afraid to ask her if what you're doing feels good a simple "is that ok?" will suffice and incidentally it's very fucking sexy to know the person you're sleeping with cares enough to ask.

All in all losing your gay virginity is no less or no more complicated than the first time you have straight sex, the key is to be relaxed, ready and communicate.

Have fun and play safe guys

Cherry cherry boom boom


Friday, 1 April 2011

I love Penis!

OMG the best thing in he world has to be Penis!

I just love cock, schlong, willies, dicks, wieners, pricks all ALL of them

I love them a lot almost as much as I love the things they are attached to

Boys and penis ftw!

cioa bella