Sunday, 21 December 2008


*is a lesbian scourn!"*

OK so it's 5am I'm on my home for christmas cheer with the folks freshly out and yada yada yada

I was all fine and dandy till the KNOB HEAD at security was gonna remove all my badges from my bag for the language...WTFFBBQ!!!

I've traveled EVERYWHERE with this bag...most recently to the states and had NO why is it KNOW when I'm simply going home Hitler is my secruity man?

As if getting frisked wasn't humilating enough I had some twat calling me "Madam"..."MADAM!!" I'm 20 goddam years old!!

I wouldn't be so mad but the badges on my bag are PRIDE badges....ones my friends have given me...I'd have hit the ROOF if he'd have ripped em off (which he did to my mini pair of handcuffs *grumbles*)

Fucking idiot

I'll do his daughter with some handcuffs and put that shit on youtube....

Dood for FUCKING serious!!!

Saturday, 20 December 2008

Happy holidays...meh



My lap top she is dead!!!

less than a year old and the fracjin' thing goes BOOM!

so I'm screwed :(

just a nice way to cap of the crappiest year

I can't wait to get it over with BRING ON THE NEW YEAR!!!

So my friends till next year

Happy Holidays

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Why I <3 AfterEllenDotCom...

Hey yall this isn't an emo "my life is a mess" blog

This is my "SQUEE FANGIRLING!!!" blog about....*drumroll please*



Well where do I start?

I first discovered AE waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the summer of 2005 I was very much in the closset but I was always pro-gay rights so I was re-searching a paper I wrote back in the day and I dunno I found it but then I lost the link and pretty much vanished back in the closset in a whirl of relgion and confussion...Years later in Winter 2007 I was googling "Americas Next Top Model" because I was OBSESSED with it and I stumbled upon the now infamous AE "We're getting no where" blog. I was still very very very deep in the closset at this point so it was my dirty little secret. I didn't join and as soon as I'd visited I'd wipe the internet history just in case my brother was like "ZOMG LESBIANZ!!!!" and tell my mother. I was OBSESSED with the vlogs and they really helped me out (I'll talk more about that later) I was the biggest gayest dork ever...when I came to Uni I finally came out and was free to watch AE to my little hearts content.

Ok I've talked a little bit about how I found AE now I wanna talk about why it's so important or me...

Reason 1-we write this stuff: OK the first thing that I adore about AE are the people that contribute to the content. The vloggers and the writters are real honest to god lesbians and this is important for a few reasons. The main reason though is they don't talk down to many sites have you guys been on that's like this:

"I'm an angelic straight woman but I understand these special feelings your having I can imagine how you're feeling, that is so adorible you like girls you poor little lesbian"

FOR SERIOUS! WTF! RAWR! Anyways the AE peeps actally KNOW what it's like to be a lesbian growing up, comming out, girlfriends, etc. etc. etc. and for that reason it is 10x better than most sites out there.

AEs ability to make me laugh AND think is another reason it's my number 1 website...not my favorite lesbian favorite website (I spend 10+ hours online a day cos I'm a nerd) I get all my information from AE I'm very pro-active and AE is my first resource. That may be pathetic but meh, it's easy to read, has links to all it's info and is the first stop on my bookmarks. Go AE!

They helped my come out and understand that things WILL get easier and this part of my life is just the introduction that I can make my life be whatever I want. So now I'm out and proud and no longer wipe the cookies when I visit fact it's my Number 1 bookmark.

Reason 2- It introduced me to a lot of lesbian cultural stuff I had no idea existed: yerp I was a bad gay. But give me a break I lived in a small Irish town in the middle of no where all I got was Sugar Rush and the L word...that was the extent of my lesbian knowledge so AE introduced me to books, films, TV shows I would have no idea existed. Thus I'm much more aware of the history of lesbians YAYNESS.

In all serious-ness being able to referance cultural stuff has helped me alot ESPECIALLY in uni. I argue a lot with my tutors (being a feminist and having sexist male tutors...I have to represent yessum?) so it's great to be able to say "Bla bla bla referance I read on AE" it's good times.

Reason 3- The vlogs: They make me LAUGH MY ASS OFF!!! for serious I don't watch TV anymore I watch the vlogs thus I have nothing to talk about with my friends...

"Did you see Hollyoaks lasy night?"
"Nu but OMG Dara said the FUNNIEST thing on "The hit list""
*blank stare*

They are seriously the best thing on the internetz....awesomeness

Jill Bennett, Karmen and Dara are me new heros...they are seriously my inspration for doing what I in writting...why? because I want people like the magical 3 to comment on my films/TV shows and instead of mountain lioning my work saying "This is epic in it's awesome"...They inspire me...and that sounded pretentious but I am a little...meh :D

Reason 4-The contributers actually add you to myspaz/facespace etc.: and it's them! I've had messages back!! which almost made me orgasim...hell I'm not gonna lie to yall I DID orgasim...yessum

Reason 5-ITHE BEST REASON EVER!!!!! introduced me to Bridget McManus: *Huge Massive Dorky Grin* Bridget McManus is my rain resson to be joke...she's smart, funny, hit, funny, lovely, hot, funny, hot, funny and SO married...she broke my fat girl heart. I am the BIGGEST BM fan this side of the Atlantic for serious I cyber stalk the poor woman as much as I can it's kinda pathetic but that's what I do...and beside I am a little pathetic. And through Bridget McManus I've been introduced to man many female comedians. I love comedy it's what I ultimatly want to do and I've always complained their aren't enough female comedians out having this new market to pick from is epic in it's awesome. But Bridget is my Bridget....I have one dream to meet her that's it. I wish I could be funny enough to telll her a joke but she'd just look at me like "Who the hell are you?" so...I'm a sad sad fan girl....I love Bridget and if you don't you're SO straight...SO straight...I could go on and on about how awesome Bridget is but this blog has been long enough...

Lastly I <3 AfterEllenDotCom becuase I've meet some awesome girls in the community forums I'm not into the scene here because it's not a plesant emviroment so online is the place I can talk about stuff. Dorky yes Awesome indeed

So here's my thanks to Sarah Warn creator and general Goddess of the AE universe

Thanks AE

You made me gay and that's awesome :D

(this was way too short but I will blog about the indivdual vloggers I love in depth in the futre...and not just AE vloggers I'll go on about SheWired as well cos Cathy is awesome)

Thanks you gays

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Saturday, 13 December 2008

Get me out of the GAY BAR! GAY BAR!

Bonjour again my friends

todays topic is the incestuous pool of filth with call the gay bar!!


I hear you all cry "Emuh do not call our only real source of sociolizing filthy it's a beautiful thing!"

and my friends respond with... "The hell it is!!!"

Now I am the right person top comment on the whole situation because :
A-I'm not a fan of clubs...any clubs
B-I've been dragged threw all kinds of wanted debauchery
C-I remeber everything that's happened no matter how drunk I get....

So what is wrong with gay bars?

where to start is a better not get me wrong I would rather be in a gay bar skulking in the corner listening to "All I want for christmas" in July than endurring the sight of hetero-sexual mating rituals but we have to be honest here...Gay bars are usual sleezy.

Now it may just be I've had bad luck in being British and have only experianced the pure cheese on offer but generally they've been awful. for starters there's non stop drama but what do you expect when you have the complete cities population of gays packed into 3 diffrent bars on the 2 cheapest nights on offer? seriously it's all kissing, and crying, and kissing, and yelling, and "you looked at her!" and "you kissed him!"and "I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" swiftly followed by declarations of mad passionate love. It's entertaing to watch but sooner or later we're all gonna end up in somebody else's drama.

My second gripe is the blatent meat marketing that goes any moment you are being scored on looks and shagability by at least 3 people and if you're not...that's a bad sign. It's that horrible feeling of being watched and knowing that no one is looking at you and marking you higher than a 2.4 de-pressed. If on the off chance someone does indeed deem you worthy of an approach you have to prepair for either complete rejection once you open your mouth or an escape plan for when they open theres. It's an overly complicated system of cat and mouse the girl your looking at is trying to run away from you and you from the mad woman trying to touch your feels so dirty.

OK being a big ol' lesbian I have discovered that gay bars are for gay men and their straight girlfriends. Hence the feeling of being out-numbered and the overwhelming urge to find a woman...ANY woman that is the slightest bit lesbianoic in her out look and this is where the "OMG I didn't really pull that woman last night did I? she was butchier than Desperate Dan!*" it's getting akward now. This is wher ethe incest comes in again....eventualy all lesbians make the rounds if you stay in a town long enough because there aren't enough of us in ratio it's bad times.

OK this blog has been whinny enough but here is my final gripe with gay bars...they are FULL of STRAIGHT PEOPLE!!! Seriously what the hell!!!!??!?! I mean come on we haven't got that many bars to start with couldn't you stick to the 26 clubs you have and leave us our 4?? I'm so sick of witnessing straight people hooking up in gay clubs when I can't even get a girl to look at me (see "meat marketing"). I'm sorry equality for everyone is fine with me but until 2 gay guys can make out in straight town without getting lynched or 2 girls do without the aid of Katy Perry I'm saying STICK THE HELL TO YOUR OWN CLUBS!!! FOR SERIOUS!!! It's icky I was hit on by 3 guys last night in a place called "Tutti Fruitti"...why the hell did they think I was there? I couldn't have looked more gay if I had tried!! and yet still there they are "let me get you a drink" how about hell no you can't now let me get back to ye fucking that girl over there I may have a chance with! oh no she's gone thanks a lot dude you just ruined my night :( ATTENTION BREDDERS-GET OUTTSA MY CLUB!!!!!

Damn it...I'm to old and cranky to be going clubbing...I'm happier with a beer, a pizza and a re--run "D.E.B.S"...have you guys ever been to a nice gay friendly bar? cool ones that don't play cheesy pop from the 90s or extreme dance? please let me know...tell your stories in the comments



Pip pip


*Emuh has nothing against butchy girls they are as awesome as can be they're just not her type...please don't hate fact call me try to change my mind ;)

Monday, 8 December 2008

Bridget McManus....WROTE ME BACK!!


I'm so assited!!!

Bridget is on if not my favorite comedian she's is epic in her awesome and this is comming from someone who's only seen her short sets on youtube and her vlogs....and reading her blog...I adore her greatly she should be queen of the universe!

I wrote her a fan-girl tear soaked message on her myspace thinking it'd disappear's the message I got back!

Em- congratulations on choosing your profession. If you want to be a comedian than you will be! I've wanted be a comic since I was 5 years old and I always talked myself out of it. It's a difficult career and especially difficult for women. But since I started full force last January my life has completely changed. It's just proof that you need to follow your dreams.

I have faith in you. Have a wonderful and safe New Year!


so awesome!!!

How to finish that 2000 word essay....

Better get the kids out the room for sure...


What's the secret I hear you cry?

It's simple really...




Oh come on we've all done it..and probably liked it am I right?

It's great stress relief and makes you feel all good inside.

As students we have a lot of stress...we party hard and then forget about important essays until the day before they're due!


We type, type, type, cry, curse and type some more and then WHAMMO it hits you like a wet fish...WRITTERS BLOCK!



Not matter what you do you can't think and want to cry.

My advise is to take a break, read some porn and chill...then get biz-ay just the once mind...because after that post orgasim split seconf your mind starts to work again. It's just like turning your computer on and off turn yourself on, get yourself off and then you're back in business!

I advise mastrubation breaks for anyone in a stressful work situation...unless you work in a public place then I'd say avoid unless you're really good at not getting caught....hey that might be kinky and help the progress

I would however suggest you do not over indulge in these breaks as they will end in you being so orgasmicly drunk you don't care if you're essay is due tomorrow...too much of a good thing an be bad for is one thing crashing windows every 10 minutes is just self abuse know what I mean?

I also suggest you don't let your partner join in...cos they'll want forplay, a reaction, and snuggles all of which eat into your essay time and defeat the purpose of the mastrubation break, it's far too distacting. If they get uppity promise them a celebration once the essay is safely in the hands of the Deanery Office.

There you are my student friends the secret they don't tell you at uni....If you're in a blocked situation, reboot your mind with mastrubation!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom


Sunday, 7 December 2008

I was always a dyke...

was reading my old blog and found this entry back from when I was 17:

"I also got addicted to Sugar Rush and the L word....Lesbians just rock ok

I pretty much got to bed at 5 now cos Xenas on at 3"

I was still in the closet...HOW!?!?!

I suppose I've always been a massive dyke I was just the last to know D:


Thursday, 4 December 2008

How not to come out

Seriously this is how you don't come out to your parents...

Emuh: Yeah I'm not sure when I'm comming home...
Mother dearest: Were's your bible?
E: Why?
MD: Well I want you to come to church with me on Christmas day..
E: Mum you KNOW I don't do the church thing...I'm just not into it...
MD: Well I think you're being were always a relgious girl...this is all just pathetic!
E: BECAUSE I'M GAY!!!! *slams down phone*
E: Oh jesus...oh God...Oh jesus what did I just do...*relgion comes back*



Saturday, 29 November 2008

The great abyess...of lesbian dating

I debated to call this blog "How NOT to date:the lesbian in college guide" but decided that made it seem like there was some ACTUAL useful information not just my really akward experiances....

I'm just gonna re-call some really dodgey things that have happened to me (or what I've inflicted on other people) and advise you never ever try them.

1.Never try and chat a girl up when she is sober and you are absolutly not: My advise is to have some kind of buddy system that will prevent this from happening because it will only end in your downfall. OK when I first came out (like 8 months ago) I was very scared of going to "The Gay Town" aka the 6 gay bars down a dark allyway, so the first night I was invited to go I did what any self respectin newly out of the closet girl would do...I got absolutly w***ered. By the time we actually got to some clubs where ladies were present I could barely tell where I was and was doing something very out of nature...I was going up to strangers and starting conversations. Now you way be saying to yourself surely that's a good thing" I my friend would have agreed but here is an example of one of said conversations:

Emuh*drunkly staggers to dark corner where girl is sitting alone*: D'you minffsitwifjo?
Girl *looking amused and slighlty scared*: Erm sure....
Emuh: Soooojoerebyrself?
Girl *looking even more scared and less amused*:No my friends are over there dancing...
Girl*looking for escape*:erm...thanks I...
Girl *looks for help*: erm...

and it continues and goes on and on in an endless loop of LAME!

The girl was nice enough to talk to me and gave me her fake number. Next day all I could remember of my first "OUTing" was this conversation...and my AWFUL dancing...I should never dance EVER...I look like Miss Piggy on acid. This is why when I'm out now I stand by the bar stare at hot girls from afar and nver hit on anyone.

2.Letting your straight friends set you up on a blind date is a bad idea: THIS is an AWFUL idea...straight people don't understand that being gay isn't grounds enough for a reletionship. My friends set me up with this very nice lady who was pretty...but we had nothing in common and proceeded to have the most akward stilted converstaion which ended with her getting a call from her girlfriend. THAT really helped my self don't let the breeders set you up it'll end in an akward handshake.

3. Starring at girls from the bar: This is my dating move...hence the reason I am single. You know what I mean; You see a hot girl, you look at her, she looks at you, you look quickly away,
This is the story of my life...simply because any girl I have an intrest in (which is most girls) will never go for me in a million years *emoness* I'm such a gay...
she ignores you the rest of the night, you can't stop starring at her and then go home alone.

4.The horrors of internet dating: Well...people who have success with this...please teach me. See I get so paranoid when people call me hot online based on one photo...if they saw me in real life they'd run for teh hillz! Yerp...I don't do the "dating website thing" these are just people on my websites such as AFTERELLEN it creeps me out. What's worse is when people add me to facebook....I don't know you how'd you get my name? why do you wnt to be my fried after eeing some of the truely awful pics that are up there you freak of nature. Please stop PMing to be like "Ur Hawt lolz" because I do not belive you and won't respect your judgement in woman...yerp...bad times

5. You'll never find me attractive and if you do you're nuts!: Is this just me? or do a lot of ladies get this paranoia? If I find someone remotly attractive I can't possibly imagine they'd like me because I'm so....egh...but then if a girl approaches me I automaticly think; it's some kind of bet/dare she has with her friends or a complete nutcase. Also if someone flirts with me I have no idea what she's doing...I'm so used to no one "liking me" liking me that I don't understand flirting...I'm so bad at the flirting thing it's why I stay at home and eat cookies alone.

So that's some things to remember when out and about:
-Avoid excessive drunkness
-Don't let straight people fix you up
-Try not to stare/stalk girls in clubs
-PMing people with "your hawt" tends not to work
-Try to except that people may actually find you attractive

-DON'T make out with guys in sends the wrong message

Well that's all from me today

luffles and cookies


Sunday, 23 November 2008

No to prop.8

I've been hearing alot about prop 8 this week and my veiws errupted in this video:

Friday, 21 November 2008

My first atempt at orginizing lesbian lunch...

This here is an offically LESBIAN post...

I meet some ladies for lunch today it was very fun we ended up staying out way past our respective curfews...we're bad girls who need to be punished.

Let's start from the begining...good place to start...

Soooooooooooooooooooo this all really starts with

I accidently stumbled upon afterellen back when I was hiding in the closet, I was googling Americas Next Top Model (do not judge me that show is ACE)...and low and behold there it was in all it's gay glory.

For those of you who do not know afterellen is an AMAZING amazing entertainment website for lesbian and bi-sexual woman. It features many great writters who write witty, and sometimes heartwarming articles about "our world" and what it's like for lesbiaonic ladies. They also provide us lots of gossip about TV film music and awesome stuff which is all the better. I loves those however personally my favorite things on there are the V-logs, especially We're getting no where which has sadly come to and you hear that that's thousands of lesbians crying "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" at that tragedy...and the still going strong and best thing on the net Brunch with Bridget (which stars my soon to be wife Bridget McManus) that really make me lol...but I mean actually Laugh Out Loud as in realz because they are so funny.

I joined afterellen a year ago before I came out when I was "Bi" (code for too scared to be gay) and haven't looked back since, I'm on there everyday and I'm pretty sure it's the reason I'll fail my degree.

But I digress, so I wrote a begging note on the forums there asking where all the lesbians were in my new adoptive city of Liverpool and a couple of lovelies answered which made me squee all over the show.

After a month or so of chatting to these girlies I decided to take the plunge and invite these people out to lunch to chat about what we lesbian vloggers! YAY!!!

So being the best lesbain ever I arranged the meeting in a Vegan Cafe...becuae lesbians and veggie food go togather...well like lesbians and veggie food! Luckily for me they showed up other wise it would have been me alone talking about my love of Bridgets legs...drool.... Dispite the fact I'm socially retarded they seemed to enjoy my weirdness embracing me as quirky not "a freak of nature" the coversation was varied but always flowing which made it amazing I had the best fun I've ever had with my clothes on.

So what can top this Bridget/Jill loves fest? well I plan to get these girls drunk that should be pretty ace :D bwahaha...drunken Jill/Bridget conversations...something tells me that might o a bit wrong....ahem...

Bad start to the day...


Well today was crappy...I got up all ready to go to my lecture at 11 and felt very dandy indeed, super pumped because of my screen writting class as I actually had some pretty decent ideas for today. I was raring to go all wide eyed and eager...that is until I got in the shower.

Before you ask no I do not have some weird phobia of seeing my own naked body (though I wouldn't wish that on anyone *shudders*), I reached over to grab my shampoo and swayed into the wall as I nearly blacked out. Now I don't know what it is but last year I DID black out in the shower and hit my neck on the sink (it was in a very small Halls en-suite) and got a weird "u" shaped bruise which made me look like I'd either:

1-Tried to hang myself in a very weird positon

2-Had been having very kinky and extremly aggresive sex involving bondage of some kind

3-Had been leeched upon by some alien life form

Now of those 3 events the last one is the one most likely to happen to me so it wasn't easy to explain to people what had actually happened.

But I digress...

So I got out the shower collapsed to floor and started feeling incredibly incredibly ill, I have a raging fever, my head hurts and my teeth itch. I reckon it's a government plot to get me through the water network by injecting some kind of high tech illegal poison they usally reserve for spies and kebab shop meat. But now I'm sitting her feeling like death with a fever and some soup in my PJs NOT in my lecture.

I'm le pissed at my phailing self


p.s Yeah this has nothing about being a gay or aything I just feel really lame

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Hello der again...

So I'm sure you want to know all about me right?

Probably not and I don't blame you or not wanting to read a bunch of silly words...the best way to get to know me are through my insane youtube videos:

if you're super super bored just go ther and watch my craptacular skillz and truely see the insanity I have in my brain place...



Hello der Blogger...

Hiiiiiiii der!

I'm always making these and they somehow get losted soooooo...

Here for joo is a spanky new blog all about me and my gayness!!

This is all about my experiances as a LESMBEAN in college, what it's like to be out the closet and most likely how stupid people are...

I hope you enjoy monkey lovers!