Thursday, 17 December 2009

Christmaka is comming so lets sing some songs

So I've been at it again....yep VIDJAS FOR ALL!!!






Hope you like em guys will see you in the new year!

2010 the year of the gays ye haw!!

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

I want the world to know

http://iwanttheworldtoknow.org/

Hey guys please check out this awesome website it's a project to help young LGBT people cope with all the issues facing them.

It's really a great project and I was lucky enough to be chossen to share my story

Thanks everyone

Em
x

Sunday, 13 December 2009

The curse of the crazy lesbians…I’m under it…

SIGH

Hey ladies long time, no proper blog sorry has been under a mountain of work pre-Christmas. But I have this blog to hopefully appease and entertain you :D

So what’s been going on since we last spoke?

Well I’ve turned into a right playa and been on a few dates…

Yeah…with CRAZY GAYS!!!

Seriously why am I always the one that pulls the crazy ones?

I’m the person in my group of friends who has the funny dating stories, the sexual disasters, the stalkers and no girlfriend…In the American Pie of life I’m the Jason Biggs character…or in more lesbian terms I’m Dana without the Lara…and without the cancer…

Safe to say after the past 3 months I have had experience with the following:

1-The one night stand that won’t go away
2-The youtube fan girl
3- The drunk
4- The u-hauler
5- The cold n cold type
6- The wannabee Shane
7-The Nazi sympathiser

Now in some of the recent cases one or more of the above were combined in one uber crazy lesbian.

It’s always me that goes out with some seemingly ok girl who ends up being completely crazy….

I’m too polite to say no that’s my problem…I’ve never been out with someone I really fancy…my problem is because I don’t feel like anyone would really like me I always feel obliged to go along with anyone who does, even if I don’t fancy ‘em. I blame my ex who treated me like I should be grateful to touch the tips of her fingers, sigh…nut one of my New Years resolutions is to only go out with girls I actually like…maybe then even if they are crazy I can regard it as a cute character trait….

So you girls ever had the crazy crazy lesbo stalker?

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Thursday, 26 November 2009

My 100th Blog...

....YAY!

I've been very good and not abandoned it hu zah!

so what what shall I blog about???

erm.....not sure...erm....

I know you guys wanna see what I'm working on for my dircting project??

you do!

YAY!!

these are just some stimulus videos that go along with a presentation I have to give monday:







I'm doing a very different (and perhaps controversial interpretation) of Carlyn Gage's play "Harriet Tubman visits a therapist" hopefully I can do it justice

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Monday, 23 November 2009

Stero-typing bad times...

Short short blog yall

I get badly stereotyped because I'm dark and look "foreign" I was in the states recently and got stopped no less than 10 times by airport police because I looked the way I do and had a British passport…I try and find the funny side but sometimes I have to wonder why people are so quick to judge me because I have hooded eyes and black hair…it gets annoying.

In terms of being a stereotypical lesbian straight people have no idea because I “don’t look that gay” I’m quite lucky that I’m not that pretty so I don’t get hit on a lot but it’s super annoying when I do because guys don’t get that “I’m a lesbian” they hear “I wanna shag you AND another girl at the same time”

I've found that people judge me a lot more WITHEN the community...again because I don’t LOOK super butch or super femme people assume I’m not gay at all! Can I just clarify I really REALLY am SO gay, I’m not in a “uni phase” I like girls yeah…ok we’re clear

And then on a funnier note girls THAT do get pass the “is she gay” thing are always surprised that I’m not a bottom because I’m a big girl…but that’s always nice for me mwahahaha!

cherry cherry boom boom yall!

Em
x

Thursday, 19 November 2009

10 things my mother doesn’t know and is never gonna find out

I was showering and was wondering how I was gonna break the news to my mother that I have a tattoo….and it got me thinking what ELSE doesn’t my mother know about me??

Well here’s my top 10

Number 10: That I had a boyfriend for nearly 6 months-My first, last and only boyfriend Simon…sigh…I would sneak off on the train every weekend spend the day with him (and possibly night) hop on the train home and my mother was completely clueless…I was full of a good old fashioned Jewish girl guilt but she never found out and never will…cos I aint gonna tell her…why ruin the illusion?

Number 9: Well it’s linked to number 10 so…My mother does not know (and shouldn’t find out) that I have lost my virginity BOTH ways-I believe this is self explanatory but yeah I’m my mother’s Virginal princess I don’t see any reason for running that illusion…

Number 8: I’ve been cautioned by the police-Now don’t be shocked at me now Blogger peeps but when I was younger I was a Goth…and more than that I was a Goth that liked to party…I may have sotrta kinda gone to an illegal rave…that was broken up by the police and luckily for me I was quite young and the police went easy on me and just told me off

Number 7: I’m banned from Anne Summers in Lisburn for high jinx- Yeah….again when I was 15 I was a bit naughty and took my best friend into the “toys section” where I tickled his ear with a rabbit thruster…and got banned by the highly annoyed manager…so whenever we go bra shopping I have to make up an excuse as to why I can’t go in there…because the manager STILL STILL remembers me :S

Number 6: That the girl that stayed in our house…and my bed…for a week was actually my girlfriend- nuff said I’m extremely lucky my mother thinks of me as pure and innocent and doesn’t get suspicious…

Number 5: That I turned down the chance to do law at one of the best universities in Ireland to come to Liverpool and study theatre- Yeah this is a biggie….I never wanted to do law but I was advised to do it because my grades in politics and history were quite good and I actually got preliminarily accepted on the course at Trinity College Dublin…but….I didn’t formally apply with my UCAS and went with the performing arts courses instead….if my mother ever found out I had a CHANCE to go to Trinity she’ll actually kill me.

Number 4: I broke her favourite vase and blamed it on my dog- :S sorry Rags

Number 3: I lied to her about drinking at my 6th form Formal- I was 17 at the time and therefore not strictly legally allowed to drink but hey it was formal and all my friends were drinking and I was peer pressured into it….ok I wasn’t and I got drunk I’m sorry mum!
Number 2: That I recently had a full STI screening- you know sometimes your mum just DOESN’T need to know about EVERY doctor’s appointment no matter how often she claims she does.

Number 1: I’m actually quite infamous on the interwebs…..MWAHA

So anything you won’t tell yer mum that she doesn’t know?

I wanna know how sneaky yall are

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Saturday, 14 November 2009

STI tests shoud NOT be a friend activity for a wednesday afternoon

too lazy n sleept to type so I presant yall with the vidya of my fun adventure



cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Secks-uh-al fantasy

What’s yours ladies?

I’m very weird like because mine are never about hot n sweaty one night stands or threesomes with hot celeb babes…mine are more like me and the wife cuddling in bed while the rain pours down outside….

I don’t tend to talk to my friends about master de bation so haven’t got a wide spectrum on the matter but we’re in agreement that most of us need to think about someone we have feelings for or the fantasy relationship lady…weirdness

I have to say mine is the cheesy straight neighbour who falls for my charms after many nights of wine and talking…yeah I’m very boring romantic type…I can’t help myself sex doesn’t turn me on unless there’s commitment involved….I blame my years as a born again Christian all that “sex is sacred” stuff. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it just makes it difficult to get my kicks when sex without love makes me feel dirty and insecure….

So is it just me who gets off on the idea of a committed relationship?

Would love to hear from you guys

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Friday, 30 October 2009

Happy Pre-Halloween!



besest end sequence eva xD

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

20 Things you should never do on a 1 night stand

Ok peeps here tis….a brief list of no no’s yall should bear in mind if you’re the adventurous type…these have all happened to me and to them I say neigh! It just goes to prove I’m not the one night only kind…or lucky in anyway. So here we go….


20 Things you should never do on a 1 night stand!


1-Make out with someone just after you’ve eaten a cheeseburger: This is just plain nasty because here’s the deal…I like burgers and I like kissing but both at the same time is just gross…so homegirls gum! It wouldn’t kill ye to use some after you’ve hit Maccy D’s


2-Call someone “Squishy…like a bouncy castle!”: You wanna kill the mood extra quickly while you’re with a curvy woman just compare her to a giant inflatable children’s play thing…she’ll love that…

.

3- Spend 20 minutes on the phone to your friends just before or even DURRING business hours: I’m sure your friends are lovely but TBH I don’t really need to hear about Heathers family problems when I picked you up at a place called “Stray”

4-Repeatidly mention your dead relatives: This should be pretty self explanatory….


5- Utter the words “Wow…that’s exactly how my ex used to do it!” : really? hey guess what I DON’T CARE!!! Keep thoughts of yer ex to yourself because it’s 4.30 and I don’t have time for a heart to heart when I haven’t had mine yet


6-Read your text messages while having sex-I’m sure your mates don’t wanna know about the “bouncy” castle girl in your pants right now.


7-Bitting in places that hurt the next day: e.g. nipples, belly, thighs, boobs, bum, shoulder…that pleasure is reserved for girlfriends whom I trust not to leave me looking like a beaten woman for a week!


8-Assume I’m a bottom because I have a big one: Ok this may just be me who’s annoyed by this but for reals I’ll rock your world….


9-Talk about how pigs are the most vicious of all the fun farm yard creatures and their uses in the disposal of a human body: NOT sexy! So when you kill me you’re gonna feed me to your pigs huh? Oh I want you I need you oh baby oh baby…..to get the hell offa me buffalo Bill!


10-Assume just because you’ve seen me naked you’re allowed to come into the shower with me: G’AH! GET OUT I’M TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE SHAME AND SMELL OF VOMIT!!! Plus it’s daylight and while I’m sexy in the dark you’re certainly NOT allowed to look at my wobbly bits sober in anyway


11- Call me Suzanne when that’s clearly not my name: ….this is the ultimate betrayal of our one night romance what’s-yer-name! how very dare you!!!


12-Get so high you get super paranoid and refuse to let your “date leave”: inviting someone back, getting high, and locking the both of you in a small room, while you block the only exit route for said “date” is a big NO NO!


13-Steal items of clothing from your conquest: You may have fallen for her…or just really liked her shirt but seriously that’s A) Creepy and B) STEALING! This is illegal…


14-Start a theological debate about the moral standards of the community: Says you who’s pulled me, made me pay for the taxi AND stolen my favourite t-shirt….I’m sure Jesus won’t mind if you add “having awesome hot lesbian shmexy times” to that list


15-NOT using lube before attempting certain activities: NUFF said ladies I’m sure use your imagination…


16-Declare “OH SHIT MY PARENT ARE HERE GET DRESSED!! GET DRESSED! HIDE ALL MY GAY STUFF!!!!” at 8.30AM when sex has been occurring until 7.30AM: having a grumpy tired lesbian leaving your dorm room may not be the greatest thing for you…


17-Make your “date” look at pictures of your ex and comparing them to said Ex: Nothing says “I’m so hot for you right now” than pointing out every single flaw of the person who wants to shag you.


18-Pokeing any flabbiness and referring to it as “adorable” as your intended bed buddy gets undressed: o.O you don’t have mad passionate MIND BLOWING orgasms with anyone who is “adorable”


19-Saying “I hope you don’t mind but I won’t be doing that to you…compared to what you just did I’m useless”: THAT is SUCH a cope out! At least give it a go…I mean I came all the way over here…so the point of this evening was to get you off and then watch rubbish TV while listening to you cry about your last conquest and how awesome they were….sigh


20-Be a boy: That’s just unforgivable…no vagina, no entry


So I hope you abide these rules girls and heed my warnings

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em

x

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

I’m not into butches…except I totally am…sorta…

I have to admit it I am (or at least was) a little bit Butch-phobic….When I first came out just over a year ago. I was so proud of being a woman who likes woman I couldn’t contain the idea of dating or even liking someone who wasn’t super femme, in fact I had that strange notion of…

“If you like girls why are you dating someone who looks like a boy?”

I am not afraid to admit I was a bit ignorant….because I have slowly discovered (without sounding too sleazy about it) that under that button up shirt, levis, and faux-hawk there is an actual OMG woman’s body…I KNOW RIGHT WHO KNEW!?

Now here’s the thing...I’m about to expose myself for the purposes of science…or at least you know mild amusement…

When I’m sober I have to say I find myself checking out cute, femmey chicks with the flowing hair, and cute shirts, and sigh.

When I’m drunk I have to say I find myself making out/sleeping with cute butch chicks with the short hair, and the waistcoats and sigh.

So why am I in denial about my butch crushes?

Well I don’t think it’s simply because they’re butch…it’s the clothes and over all attitude…I’m just not into that overly done up look, all that fake tan and heels. I like that low maintenance thing and I always think a woman no matter what looks better when she’s relaxed, in jeans, a t shirt, with her hair down and no make up. So when you’re out a femme girl will rarely look relaxed, she’ll be all dressed to kill, looking amazing but also really intimidating, well to me anyway and that puts me off. Butch girls by contrast will usually be in a fancier version of their everyday chill clothes, and even if it takes them twice as long as their femme counterparts to get ready they look like it took them 5 minutes and THAT to me is sexy. And in a strange way it’s a little bit of a turn on for me to get hit on by a butch girl because it makes ME feel like a total girl which is a complete change from my day to day life.

I’m admitting it I was totally biased and now I’m starting to see how stupid it was…

So now I think I’m into hot girls: butch, femme, diesel, soft…whatever…I just like woman…pretty woman…sigh….

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Monday, 19 October 2009

Ok here's the thing!


Reasons I will make out with anyone if I am intoxicated at any point:



1- I have no self esteme what so ever so any attention makes me feel loved!

2- I'm usually cornered and alone because my friends are too bust laughing at my mis-fortune

3-I'm a good kisser and TBH if you want it you got it

End of story yo!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

My new tattoo...it is so choc full of meaning it kinda hurts



Presenting......





what yall think?

Now before yall start on my about it just being a star there are several meaning behind it....

Meaning 1- There are 7 tribes of the Cherokee nation my Grandmother was a mmber of "Th Bear Tribe" and the symbol for cherokee is a 7 pointed star...

Meaning 2- The reason it is the "Elven star" is because the lven star is the ultimate sign of power and the combination of the spirts

Meaning 3- There are 7 people who have shaped my life

Meaning 4 (placement)- Back in the day lesbians would wear a star tattoo on the inside of their wrists to recognise eavh other "today many lesbians have a star tattoo to show their solidarity with their more oppressed historical sisters"

Meaning 5 - It's BAMF!

So no one can say I didn't think this tattoo completly and utterly all the way through....

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Thursday, 8 October 2009

My "True" personality test

I was browsing facebook when I came across this:

http://www.tomdickandsally.com/trueself/test

My results came out as:

#
Spontaneous
Although on the surface you seem to ride life as though it’s the crest of a wave – you have called the coast guard for information about tides beforehand! You are excited by new challenges and are happy to ‘go with the flow’ and try new experiences. You’ll be up for a spontaneous after-work drink with friends but not if it means you miss the last bus home. You’re independent and take balanced risks. You will be happy to date someone who is out of your comfort zone for the experience but when your instincts about a person or situation kick in, you’ll stop and listen. Although you’re ready for fun, you certainly wouldn’t call yourself reckless.

#
Confident
You’re certainly no wallflower but sometimes there may be chinks in your confident exterior. Although unflappable most of the time, you are able to take the opinions of others on board and are able to deal with criticism quite well. You’re comfortable with who you are and although you don’t actively seek approval you appreciate it when it comes your way and it makes you feel good about yourself. Because you can have moments when you’re a bit unsure of yourself, you’re perfectly placed to boost the confidence of others.

#
Cautious
On the whole, you’ll believe in someone’s integrity until proved otherwise but you won’t give others as long a rope as your more trusting friends. Life experience has taught you that you should be on your guard and opening up too soon could leave you vulnerable to being hurt. You will expect a new partner to earn your trust and you may take some time to trust someone new. Once trust is in place you’ll feel relaxed and this will make any partner feel secure in the relationship.

So I'm pretty much a walking contradiction

sigh

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Poochy peson

Some ladies love cats....I love my dowggie



yes the baby talk is required

OH EM SQUEE!

Saturday, 3 October 2009

Adam and Steve ae effing...I kinda enjoyed watching

P**N!

For some reason every website I frequent is touching on the subject of lesbian porn….and what porn lesbian are really into….and here’s the shock horror lesbians just love the gay boy porn!

I have to confess porn some what baffles me on some levels but I’m not going as far as to say I’ve never seen any….

Like many lesbians straight porn turns me off straight away as does “lesbian girl on girl action” produced by straight film makers, it’s the finger nails I mean…just…OUCH! But apart from that it’s the total lack of engagement; the glazed over expressions of the girls, the weird looks to camera, and the fake “OH OH OH OH!” noises that anyone who’s been in a room with a woman having a real orgasm can tell is 100% poppy cock. It’s the fake boobs, the hair extensions, the hairy, sweaty, and some what greasy looking guys that I’m privileged enough to be able to avoid…all that hair…it’s just wrong…

So it’s not hard to see why gay woman get so turned off by the fake-ness of the girls and all that hair…we have enough drama to cop with in the dating world that includes fake-ness and bad hair.

I think on some level those lesbians that have had the experience of trying to be with a man have had to fake enjoyment and the void expression hits a bit too close to home.

Then there’s that “lesbian porn made by lesbians for lesbians” which is…not sexy at all…yes it’s nice to see a representation of what we actually do but it still seems so forced…and if we’re honest I think we need to get acquainted with the lady behind the lady parts before we dive right in there on the whole we lady loving ladies tend to take ourselves rather seriously in the sexy n love departments, because we’re trying so hard to free our sex from the clutches of heterosexual debauchery it seems almost hypocritical of us to exploit it in a similar way. And when your mind is on the complex theories of gender, sex and power it’s kind of difficult to get off….just saying.

So this leads me to the gay boy porn and why so many ladies love it…o at least enjoy it…I am one of these ladies and for a while I though I was the worst lesbian of all time until I discovered it’s our communities dirty little secret. In my opinion it comes down to a single phrase:

You can not fake an erection

It’s that simple really…it’s easier to imagine that being a guy in the male porn industry really is a choice rather than due to some tragic circumstances. Because of the physicality of male sex it’s difficult to imagine the guys aren’t into what they’re doing…yes there is penis involved but that penis doesn’t have ANY interest in me what so ever making it ok to watch. There’s no need for an emotional connection, those guys are having a good time and that’s kinda hot…in fact really hot. And maybe there’s a little bit of the “forbidden fruit” aspect as well “I really shouldn’t be enjoying this but I do…”

In the end I don’t think lesbians dig the gay porn for no reason, and it’s not only the gay girlies, straight ladies dig it to, watching 2 built, cut, pretty boys going at it and ENJOYING it…I mean sex should be about passion, real honest to god I wanna eff you right now so I’m going to…it’s not rocket science.

So if you’re a lady who loves ladies but likes to watch Adam and Steve get it on don’t freak out you are not alone!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

I shouldn't....

....go out with the Emma's


I forsee an EPIC hangover tomorrow...DUDE FAIL!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Sunday, 27 September 2009

And it begins...

Hey gays!

well I meet my flatmates today and they seem pretty nice except....sigh

we were at lunch trying to chat n stuff when 4 admitidly butch ladies came in and sat next to us and the conversation went from joking around to quite nasty homophobic comments...now I'm out and proud and certainly won't be hiding my sexuality but my question is should I out myself upfront or wait till these girls get to know me?

Usally my sexuality isn't very on topic because in these crazy times I simply pass for indie/geeky a lot of girls rock the cons and flannel these days so unless I'm asked a direct question I don't usally declare "oh you like coffee too oh btw I'm a giant homo" it's kind of akward.

Now my problem is am I simply being conservative letting my personality and weirdness put these people off or am I being a bit of a coward?

comments woul be greatly appreciated

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!

Em
x

Friday, 25 September 2009

Dork to the MAX

as well as being out and proud as a lesembean I'm also a very happy dork!

here is the music video for my wrock band BELLA AND THE DEATHEATERS!

ENJOY!




Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Back to Liverpool where every thing is sure to change

So her I am stuck on a boat returning to the land I call home…ish

Excited, tired and slightly smelling of sea-sick I’m off to return to a land of one night stands, starring at girls in clubs for hours and plotting my escape with silly wenches I call friends!

Oh yes this is gonna be a year to remember….or probably not to be honest if my mates get their way xD

But man do I hate this boat!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Monday, 24 August 2009

And the sound they made was love...

This is officallllllllly the cutest and post pro-gay marriage/adoption argument I've ever seen!

http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/sex-relationships/gay-penguins-marry/#more-2732

why can't we be more like the birds huh?

cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Saturday, 22 August 2009

YOUR MOM DOESN'T LIVE HERE!!

I'm seriously one of those easily distracted people when I go online and here is the new center of my addiction:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com

xD

I'm getting ideas for when I move back to halls xD

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

P.S "Kicking and Screaming" actually has politically correct hot lesbian football moms! TOTALLY worth endurring Will Ferrel for xD

Monday, 17 August 2009

WTF?

I wacthed the "40 year old virgin" and it made me cry.

I am nither of these things

Explain.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Arts,Crafts and boggies

EPIC COLD!!

that is what I have courtesy of my nephew and his filthy little park friends :(

I have that mad stuffy head that doesn't let you sleep so what have I been doing?

making book marks and friendship braclets out of wool a knicked out of my mums knitting stash...

arts and crafts are fun

boggies are not

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

P.s MY DOG JUST SNEEZED ON MY HEAD! GROSSSSSSS!

Arts,Crafts and boggies

EPIC COLD!!

that is what I have courtesy of my nephew and his filthy little park friends :(

I have that mad stuffy head that doesn't let you sleep so what have I been doing?

making book marks and friendship braclets out of wool a knicked out of my mums knitting stash...

arts and crafts are fun

boggies are not

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

P.s MY DOG JUST SNEEZED ON MY HEAD! GROSSSSSSS!

Monday, 10 August 2009

Movie Math-BRING IT ON!

Hello fellows more mathematical genius for joo…

(Cheerleaders + cheerleading uniforms)+(90s music-“that all American attitude)/Kirsten Dunst’s beady eyes< (ratio of boobs: male presence)-(aerial stunts+ annoying 90s slang that infected a generation)=(charity car wash% bikinis) x Eliza Dushku = Epic reminder of my childhood and BRINGING IT ONNNNNNNNNNNN!! Reminder of why we all love Eliza Dushku

It gets an Emuh Rating of…OH! EM! GEE! Regretting being a library dork now….totally sign me up for pep squad!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

A very serious message...



serious skirt...serious voice...serious message

Will she call me?

She smiled at me and said my name ever so softly....

Before I knew it she had my shirt off and was touching my ample bussom...

She smiled and told me to get dressed a suggestion not a demand...

Then she kicked me out and stuck needles in both my arms...

Yerp the doctor is a kinky bizatch...

Second longest reletionship I've ever had and typical woman she used me then bled me dry...literally...

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Protesters are fun....


What annoys fundeMENTAL protesters at the Gay Pride Parade?

Sorry Trekkies I’m a Xenite

My name is The Emuh and I am…a geek

I’ll that marinade in that SHOCKING revelation for a moment because it’s incredibly hard to believe…

But I am and darn it I love it!

I remember being about 12 walking into a comic book store to induce a stunned silence that a GIRL had infiltrated this manly manly domain…and to this day I still get a slightly bemused reaction when I walk into a “forbidden planet”.

And in talking to some of my lovely geeky male friends we have discovered I am rare breed which sucks for the world in my opinion…a girl who knows every line of dialogue from “Empire strikes back”, can argue the finer points of why “Green Hornet” is a VASTLY superior show to “Batman” and who isn’t afraid to fall over and laugh it off.

I dress in jeans and funny t-shirts, am sarcastic as hell, and will eat a full burger and chips AND a chocolate milkshake….thus I am not sexy however I believe geeky woman are very shmexy…but I admit it and wish more ladies would because I’m a geeky lady who LURVES geeky ladies.

In this world obsessed with being very “Shane” it’s difficult to meet out of the closet girly geeks. That’s why I’m teased by my friends because rather than some ultra cool movie star ala Miss Jolie my dream woman run along the lines of Sue Perkins and Jorja Fox, woman that are cute, smart, funny and un-ashamedly geeks.

I know I’m not alone in my love of geeks but I’m out the closet it…

So I guess my question or rather my statement to the world is why must the geeky ladies hide their Buffy t-shirts and leanings towards staying in to complete their screen accurate costume from season 3 Battle Star?

Lady geeks of the world unite put on your Tina Fey glasses, grab your guitar hero controller and twitter away because you’re shmexy beings of awesome!!!



Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

P.S IF YOU NEED PROOF READ THIS: http://mingle2.com/blog/view/10-ways-being-a-geek-makes-you-more-attractive

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Prrrrrrrrrride09

Hey gays!

I’m no longer a virgin!

Well that’s a different story involving a guitar player and A LOT of alcohol but my parade virginity!

Belfast pride 09 popped my cherry good and proper!

I had an epic amount of fun including being yelled at by protesters, getting hit on by drunk chicks and due to my epic t-shirt I had my cleavage photographed more times than Jodi Marsh!

AND I managed to run into my old gang of gays from Liverpool! It really is a very small gay world after all!

Though small and with the rain it still rocked my socks right off with some great live music and a brilliant atmosphere it was a very cozy way to get introduced to the whole affair.

I’ve never been happier or proud to be a member of the queer community being a lesbian is FRICKING AMASING!!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Thursday, 30 July 2009

I am Mrs Robinson and it’s rather wrong

Hey blogger fans I’m just popping by to let you know I am officially an old pervy lady :(

I was at a local fast food establishment waiting to be served when I noticed the extremely cute cashier smiling at me, she bumped me to the front of the cue and served my super quickly smiling and tossing her hair and all of it…as I was paying she asked me “How’s you’re mum?”….Blink Blink…G’AH!

AND OH MY ACTUAL GOD I instantly recognised the cute girl smiling at me who I’d been mentally undressing as the kid I used to baby sit back in the day!

I’d known her since she was 5 and hadn’t seen her since she was 11 and still very much a girl and now she’s all fit and GROWN up…ewww *does arm flappy grossed out dance*

I consulted my friends and they all agree I’m a perv

Even though she is now 17 it still makes me a filthy old lady

It has thus far been the creepiest moment of my adult life

Cherry cherry boom boom

Em
x

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Monday, 6 July 2009

Most lesbian reletionship ever...

4 years of looking and longing but no action
3 years if jealous glances and boyfriend hating
2 years of akward comming out conversations
1 year of letter writting and mixed tape making
6 months of eager phone calls
2 weeks of butterflies and almost there declarations
1 day "I Love you" conversations
2 hours of coupled bliss
1 argument

Never heard from again....

Yerp that pretty much sums up what just happened...on the day Micheal Jackson died no less!

I'll never be able to listen to thriller again!

Thursday, 25 June 2009

Wimbledon

So being British I’ve been really watching the tennis a lot but it's only because the sheer athleticism is something to behold….

I haven’t decided who I want to win this year…maybe in the next round…

OK so I’m mainly watching it for the short skirts and grunting BUT I genuinely do love watching tennis it’s a great sport. I just get pangs of longing for Dana Fairbanks to show up with her soup Chef and Alice cheering her on….

Oh Serena grunt away darling…

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Monday, 22 June 2009

MOVIE MATH: Domino

Domino

I watched “Domino” last night via text with my friend and we decided the following:

(Bad camera skillz and script + Keira Knightly’s mad eyebrows) – (Straight Sex scenes < Excellent sexual tension and subtext) x Lucy Lu = Movie to watch when bored

“Domino” therefore gets an Emuh movie rating of…For serious okish

THEMS TEH RULES O MATH!!!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom!

Emuh
x

Monday, 15 June 2009

Spiders are A holes

I tried to help a spider out the bath and it committed suicide…


I like spiders and most other creepy crawlies…except slugs and snails…they’re just gross…so I try my best to save them from a fate down the drain or all smooshed against the wall. Most people think it’s kind of weird to try and save the tiny friends rather than just scream and throw shoes at them….

So tonight I was just washing up before bed and notice a large spider in the bath I decided to call him Ralph…so being nature girl I tried to collect Ralph with ease and release him out the window…unfortunately Ralph decided that was a fate worse than death and decided he’d rather jump out my hands and down the drain…

For some reason it’s made me super depressed…is this the effect I have on all creatures?

Was Ralph just a one off or is it me?

Do people prefer a desperate escape that may result in injury or death rather than spend a minute in my company?!?

This spider has clawed open my chest and pulled my heart out revealing the truth about my endeavours into love and friendship!?

OH RALPH YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!!?!?!

FUCK YOU RALPH!

I’M A NICE PERSON!

FUCK YOUR SPIDER ASS!

I TRIED TO HELP YOU RALPH!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH!!!

I tried to free you from the horrors of the bath tub and you went and leapt down the stinking abyss that is the drain!

So R.I.P Ralph you spider a-hole!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Mother I do not want an Ethnic Baby

Doods I'm home and rather than having my mum call me to pry into my private life it's gotton much worse because she’s started to do it face to face…

She’s tried having the awkward and very un-necessary “girlfriend” conversation…everyone I mention who is my friend and female comes under speculation!

And she’s been at the “why haven’t you settled down yet?” droning every since we watched wife swap with that Rhona Cameron…she came out with the best line I’ve ever heard about my future….on the subject of gay adoption and babies “Emma just think when you’re about 25, 26 you can adopt a baby”

HOLD THE PHONE! I’ m already 21 and clearly single so what makes my mother think I’m going to be MARRIED by the time I’m 25? She is clearly deluded as it is very clear I am not girlfriend material never mind GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES! I’ve always maintained I didn’t want to settle down until I was at least 35 but my mother is hell bent on making sure I feel as lonely as possible with all this marriage and girlfriend talk…she makes it sound so simple like going out to buy milk!

You know people think I’m joking but my mother has been going on about me getting married since I was 16! The more she goes on about it I swear the more fate drags me away from any kind of potential relationship…it’s freaking me out….I’m 21! MARRIAGE! WHAT IS THAT!?! First she was all mad at me for being gay…now she’s mad at me because I haven’t got an ethnic baby! She needs to stop watching lesbians on TV because she’s getting ideas….and frankly I am a little afraid….

I mean it’s lovely she hasn’t burned me with a cross and tossed me out the house but at the same time….it’s weird…I’m one of those people who thinks mums should stay far away from ones love life, I hate talking about my business as you all know (hence the need for a LJ) and my mum is simply DESPERATE for a daughter that pours her secrets over tea and little finger sandwiches so we’re having those:

“Emma darling why are you so sad…is it about a girl?”
“I’m watching TV I’m fine…”
“But you’re not…what’s the matter?”
“Mum leave me alone!”
“But tell me what’s wrong…I’m your mum you can tell me!”
“No I’m watching the apprentice! And NOTHING is wrong”
“FINE! Go brood in your room!”
“I’M NOT BROODING I’M WATCHING TV!”
“FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Conversations…

WHAT IS THAT!

I refuse to have an ethnic baby until I'm at least 40...

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Mum that’s so gross….

Hey guys sorry for the poor update status over the past couple of weeks but my life is back in the sticks without internet access…and more recently it fell apart a little….

But I shall save my emo rantings for my irl friends as they can handle the fat girl tears…

No I’ve had the disturbing revelation that my mother has a sudden interest in my love life….after 21 years. Now I’m not one of those people who are close to their mothers, in fact it’s all I can do to stay sane in her presence; I tell her NOTHING which has been a system that has worked well for the both of us. Occasionally when trying to figure out why I remained so single she asked about boys but this was easily deflected with “I’m studying hard” excuse. But recently after the whole “lesbian” thing she’s started asking the “girlfriend” question more and more….which is both embarrassing and well embarrassing.

When I was 18 and had my first serious boyfriend….I know I was a late bloomer…my mother was completely clueless. At this point I was still a semi-devote Christian and she had nothing to fear of her virgin princess who “had no interest in boys” *cough* so when he wanted me to go over to ahem “watch movies” it was relatively easy to sneak out under the excuse of “meeting my friends”…it became a little trickier when coming home with wet hair on a sunny day after a post-movie shower but somehow I escaped any suspicion.

So I was curious as to what has sparked her sudden interest and then it dawned on me I had been so very obvious in my heartbreak after my friend left early that she put 2 and 2 together. Opps…but she had no clue my friend was gay until she asked me which brought up a vision of the future…I’m not going to be able to have friends over without her having the suspicion that more than movie watching is going on…it’s kind of ironic that the whole time I was off being a bad girl she had no clue and now when I’m genuinely having friends over she’s all suspicious of hanky panky. Every time I mention a friend from Liverpool the question comes up “is she your girlfriend?”….ew!

I don’t know what the point of all this is but…I’m a little freaked out…what happens when I DO (yeah right as if ha ha ha) manage to get a girlfriend? Is she going to ask me more questions? Is she going to forbid me from having them over? I’m I ever going to be able to have platonic friends over again? And more importantly why do mums want to know?!?!

I guess I should be grateful she hasn’t tossed me out of the house and condemned me to burning in hell for eternity but still….

Mums can’t live with ‘em….can’t well live with ‘em

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Sunday, 17 May 2009

The interweb makes me smile

http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

that is all

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Ch-ch-changes!

Heyo my loyal followers!

Here I am tis early in the morning again and all I can think of to do is write to thee.

I’ve been through a lot of changes the last 5 years some physically, some mentally and a lot emotionally not of all of it good but then again not all of it bad.

I’ve meet some people recently who are very awesome and seem to think I’m pretty cool, I’ve learned that I’m actually pretty popular at uni and that people actually consider me to be a person of substance…ME!

I’ve been invisi-girl ever since I got to high school…the ugly geek too shy to speak and too afraid to look, that’s been my identity for the better part of 10 years and to have that changed to be honest is freaking me the heck out.

I’ve been told most of my life that I wasn’t good enough in some way or another I’ve been a failure to someone wither it was my parents, my teachers or my peers. I’ve done something wrong that has excluded me from the ven-diagram of cool and worth while. So for me the use of self deprecation is a way of life…if I say the truth first no one else has the opportunity to discovery it for themselves and has any cause to reject me. I’m the first to admit it’s a pretty simple self defence mechanism, I don’t like thinking the way I do but it’s the only way I know how, I can’t believe someone has an interest in me because they like my personality I HAVE to believe it’s because they pity me. Likewise I can not believe someone is attracted to me, they are either attracted to my friends and using me to get to them or are settling for the likes of me or are trying to win a bet…yerp that’s the only reason and no other. I just can’t conceive the notion that I may actually be appealing to anyone…ANYONE as anything other than a mildly amusing oddity…my brain truly hates me.

So what has sparked this little ranty?

Well when recently chatting to some friends we got onto the topic of my self esteem because we were chatting about love n stuff, I simply admitted my fears that no one would ever go for the likes of me, that I simply wasn’t worthy of attention…they seemed shocked…even more so when I told them I had no idea why they hung out with me at all…even if I am completely hilarious. One in particular (who I have a lot in common with) told me I was crazy, that I needed an ego boost and that I wasn’t just the “funny fat friend” that I AM attractive both personality and looks wise, and not just because of my amazing impression of a manatee. I can not fathom this idea….and then a few people in my classes who I didn’t think noticed me at all started chatting to me and confessed they thought I was too clever for THEM to talk to ME! WTFBBQ!

I look back at the scared 16 year old I was 5 years ago and I really have changed…for the better I hope…I’m not as awkward socially, I LIKE hanging out with my friends, I LIKE being the funny one and I LIKE speaking up and speaking my mind. I don’t find the massive physical difference horrible either, I’ve finally grown into my hideous mug and my ears aren’t the size of Jupiter anymore….and I enjoy the few wrinkles I am the proud owner of…Yes I’m still the biggest dork on the planet, yes I still have tree trunk thighs and a Buddha belly, yes I am still not the prettiest girl in school and nor will I be asked to dance anytime soon but the fact is…I’ve grown up…and I’ve got to try and except the person I’ve grown into isn’t half bad….that may take another 10 years but hey…there’s not rush

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

FEMINISM!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OK so because I've been complaining about it some of you requested my femnism in contemporary theatre essay.....so here it is:

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=493926

I warn you know it is not very good for the simple fact I could not say all the things I wanted and the fact I was very tired when I wrote it....if teh grammer doesn't make sense I is sorry

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Monday, 27 April 2009

This is a glorious day!

Hells yes...

I just handed in MY LAST ESSAY OF THE YEAR!!!

Not only did I get to be an angry femnist I also worked Prop 8 into my conclusion...any doubts my tutor had about my being a giant lesbain are clearly shattered...

Also I've passed my screen writting module but my tutor told me I was "Too Gay"...WTF? I'm the right amount of gay thank you very much....

So as I go into the final tech week of this production I am happy

Go team me!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Hoppy Birfday to meez

I am offically an old maid

Good Times

Em
x

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Oh my Eddie Izzard....

OK I love Eddie Izzard and want to very much hump him...even though he is a man with man organs...well now I've got my chance because me and my friend Eva just got tickets to attend his politics Q+A session at Liverpool Uni...!


"We can exclusively reveal that Eddie Izzard will be joined at Liverpool University by Labour MPs John Prescott and Ed Miliband! He will host a Q&A session, putting your questions to John and Ed, and answering a few questions himself."

We're pretty much just going to oggle Eddie

Good times I better get some questions togather!

Any suggestions?

OMFG THE DOLLY ROTS.....!

MADE THE WURZILS SOUND COOL!!



totally nicked...



FRICK!

The more I read about feminism the more I turn into a 1950s house wife…

OK after reading Carol Churchill and essays about feminism in contemporise culture all day I decided to bake cookies.

Apparently feminism makes you hungry….

I’m a bit of a contradiction to myself because I am a fierce feminist I believe it is the only route in reaching total equality and yet I am the perfect candidate to be someone’s stay at home girlfriend. I love cooking and cleaning, I can sow, I’m good with tools, I can put shelves up straight and I can bake things off the top of my head, from cookies to cakes to scones to pies…I have in-avertedly developed every skill that makes me Susie Home-maker!

Oh the irony of it all….

Anyway the point is it was 9pm and I had been working all day and had a craving for cookies….shops are shut so I decided to bake some…..using my quick n easy technique I developed a new recipe….I used some dried cranberries I had left over and grated some chocolate into the dough and 20 minutes later I had a bakers dozen of tasty tasty cranberry cookies. They are very good even if I say so myself…and best part is the smell of the kitchen is yummy. It does get me that not a lot of students know how to cook simple recipes and how easily impressed they are if you make something from scratch. I remember last year I got bored and baked a chocolate cake with mint icing and my entire flat was stunned….I showed most of them how to make lasagne from scratch and cooked a lot for them, a couple had to use a cook book to make a roast…that gets me. I guess one thing my mum taught me was all the things her grandmother taught her, by getting a feel for food, getting stuck in judging things by texture and smell, not just sticking to what a book says…and then I have my mum’s weird sense of feminism…

She was a right feminist in her day she was the higher wage earner so when I was born my dad stayed at home with me, it was my dad that picked me up and dropped me off from school, and he cooked the dinner and still did after mum retired. I had a weird upbringing my mum had all her feminist ideals but had her religious views that sometime contradicted them. My Dad was a great believer in equality, everyone had a role in our house, he always maintained woman were better suited to running the world and the only time I ever saw him act like an “Alpha male” was if something threatened his family. So I’ve always had that “woman are just as good if not better” attitude and it confuses me when other woman don’t have it, and when people say there’s no need for feminism anymore I get really angry.

There’s one guy on my course in particular that gets my blood boiling whenever we have a debate about feminist theatre he says it is pointless. Whenever we read a play where men are abused he gets up in arms that the female characters are “just as bad as the men which is stupid” ha! Try having men go through thousands of years of oppression then the shoe would be on the other foot. According to him woman have their place and its equal so feminism is redundant because everything’s fine and dandy.

HELLO it’s 2009 and woman STILL don’t get equal pay! Woman are still overlooked when it comes to job security, woman are still top of the crime victim lists, woman are still seen as mothers, wives and whoares by a lot of people and nothing more and the sex industry is still in full swing…now tell me woman are equal…it makes me so angry that woman have been fighting pretty much since the dawn of humanity for their place, and we still haven’t got it….I wish there was a suffragette movement today because I would be in the thick of it, the problem is the majority of woman have to be satisfied or worse don’t care…we’ve lost the will to fight because we’re comfortable.

Man...I need another cookie…

Friday, 17 April 2009

The L word interrogation tapes...

...I just watched em....and have to say just one thing...

Tina...OMG...most under-used character history ever!




That is all

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Blondie is so gay....

OK it seems like evry teen lesbian on British telly has this poster:



and I have that poster.

Just Saying...Debbie Harry is a legand but her image has become a visual aid to ID lesbionic ladies befor they themselves know....


Just watch some British shows and you'll see for yourself!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Why dear god why are you starring at ME!?

OK it's getting to be bad times when a girl can't even sit down in the library without some meat-sack starring at her.

It's really getting to me the amount of male attention I've been getting latly....I don't mean I'm so arrogant I can't abide a man even glancing at me by accident...I mean I'm utterly sick of the WRONG kind of male attention I can't help but attract.

I can't seem to find the right way of putting this but I'll try...

So recently I've been noticing an increasing number of sleazy guys eyeing me up and down and grinning everytime I walk down the street. I've never had any kind of male attention before so the fact men have been looking is bad enough, but what's worse is the abundantly clear looks on their faces that seem to say, "easy prey"....it's disgusting. I'm not saying it's just because guys do it, if a woman looked me the same way, I'd be equally repulsed, it's the expectations behind the looks it's a bit disturbing. I've never classed myself as an attractive girl, because simple fact on fact is that I'm not, so naturally I grew used to the invisibilty that being a "wall flower" type of gal brings. I feel very umcomfortable if someone ANYONE looks at me in a way other than "You're in my way" or "hey can I get to teh bar please?" it's a strange feeling for me to even host the thought someone might find me attractive in the slightest.


But the thing is the guys that stare at me....are in the majority of cases either Turkish or African. I would just like to state right now I have no problem with peoples culture or race this is just what I personally have experianced. I don't know why these men think it's exceptable to stare and make lewd gestures and faces at a woman walking down the street who's minding her own business. I'm a pretty strong person I'm fiercly independant and don't scare easily, but these men do something to me that makes me want to scream, they make me feel vunrable. I was once stalked down the street by some dude in a van that wouldn't leave me alone even when I declared "look asshole I'm gay!", and I'm the type of person who feels like I can protect myself but these men honestly intemidate me and sometimes scare me which in turn makes me angry, The way some men just openly stare at your chest as you walk by it makes me almost ashamed to be a woman...

Now if I was dressing in short skirts, and low tops I might understand some of the attention (even though it'd still be un-exceptible) but the fact is I'm me...I dress in jeans and T-shirts and wear heavy jackets and hoodies! I'm not sexy! I dress for comfort I have to so when I'm starred at like I'm a piece of meat by hungry dogs I feel physically sick.

But the thing is it's not just me in my uncomfortable lesbian skin that feels this way....I have a very good friend who is a bit of a man eater (she says so herself with pride) she likes male attention, she craves it sometimes, but the way THESE type of men look at her make her just as un-comfortable as me. There's something sinister in their stares....

In the clubs it's worse, I am contantly approached even in gay bars by men who think a drunk girl is asking to be date raped. It makes me angry that I can't even feel safe in my own community...the one place of all places that I as a woman, and as a gay woman, should feel at ease.

I'm doing an essay on the need for feminism in contempary socioty....I debated with myself if it was really relevant...I guess it is because it is still hard to walk down the street as a woman KNOWING you're not being looked at as an equal but as a piece of meat that can be bought, consummed and discarded.

I'm more angry at these types of men not as a lesbian but as a woman because as a woman it is my right to be able to walk down a street and feel safe.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Life is a drag...

Oh Sarah Waters you give me such ideas...

Ok so recently I've started reading "Tipping the Velvet" the all girl drag fest that got a bunch of juices flowing for a bunch o' ladies, but as I've been reading it it got my thinking more and more about drag.

Now it's no secret that I like drag...I've always been dressing up...I used to swap my velvet dresses and Start-rite sandles for my friend Tys jeans and jumpers because I hated dressing like a girl.

Now I dress like a girl...a tomboy but a girl and I still love dressing in drag.

My first offical peformance as a boy came when I was 9 I played a photographer and was done up in a suit and green shirt and cravat I'd shamlessly stole the show. Since then I've always managed to get on stage dressed as a guy some way or another...and I really do love it.

I've been told I'm a rather handsome chap more so than when I'm myself, I make a far prettier boy than a girl. I like being a dude, I get a swagger and a manner like you wouldn't belive, I become so very arrogant and to be honest I like that side of myself. When I'm in drag all the womanly fears about how I look, how I move, and what other people think goes out the window and I wear my sexuality out on my sleave for anyone to grab...so to speak

I don't know what it is about having your boobs bandaged down or a sock in your trousers that makes you feel so very sexual but for me it works. It's like all that energy I'm afraid of when I'm myself, all that shyness and bashfulness I have as a girl evaporates when I'm a boy.

Don't get me wrong I'm not trans (though I though about it when I was younger) I am very much a woman. I think the act of pretending is the very thing that makes drag so appealing, it's all character acting, it's not me that can swagger up to a girl and make her giggle with some silly one liner, it's what ever persona I have chossen to put on that can do that. I kind of envy guys the rawness of their sexuality and seem to borrow it for the hour I have my suit and hair slicked back, there's some kind of secret part of my brain that gets tapped into when I don't look like me that allowes me to be more myself than possible.

And is just me or is there somthing totally hot about a drag king and the fact that under-neath it all there lies a compltely gorgous lady body ready to be ravished?

Hmmm....

so I leave you with a picture of myself in drag and let you decide if I'm hotter as a girl or a boy:



Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

The Ladies Ninja Warrior-My new favourite TV show

Ok being basically nocturnal since birth I happen upon some pretty interesting TV shows in the depths of the night…One of my truly epic discoveries was the Japanese genius that is “Takeshi’s Castle”



It’s basically an elaborate obstacle course where random un-fit hyper people run round jumping on polystyrene shapes above 5ft of shallow puddles of brown water, with no regard for health and safety , no real prize and no one ever wins…it is AMAZING and I love it!

However I have since discovered another Japanese show called “Ninja Warrior”



It’s like a slicker version of Takeshi’s Castle except the competitors are healthy, strong, and the obstacles are harder, there IS prize money and ONE person has won.

I don’t know what is both gripping and extremely hilarious about watching Japanese people falling into puddles on rainy days but it’s brilliant. What is perhaps EVEN better than Ninja Warrior?

LADIES OF NINJA WARRIOR!!!



It is my new favourite show….it may be very anti-feminist of me but…I just can’t get enough….

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

“I haven’t seen a walk like that since Jurassic Park!”

I was recently walking down to meet some friends happily going along when I got a text “look behind you”….yerp on of them had spotted me simply by the way I walk. Apparently I bounce when I walk, I blame the fact my feet are 3 sizes bigger than they should be and the men shoes I am forced to purchase as a result, but more recently I’ve been told my walk has changed by friends from back home…That’s right ladies I have (drum roll please) THE LESBIAN SWAGGER!!!


Now as a young whipper snapper of a girl I used to run around and bop about until I was told not to. I always had this slightly clumsy walk because my feet were always a bit too big for my legs but I used to move “to the beat of my own drum” as my mum would say, never really caring if I looked like a weirdo or not. Those were the good ol’ days.


When I was in my teens I used to hunch and shuffle along trying not to be noticed by anyone (not an easy task when you’re 5’10 and the size of a small country) but I developed this scampering, clumsy gait that really didn’t suit me. I kept that walk all through my first year at uni, head down, clutching my books to my chest like a bullet proof vest, apologizing to anyone who brushed past me and trying to blend into the walls. Now not every aspect of my life is ruled by my gayness however I used to walk around like I had a huge and horrid secret, like I was the anti-Christ or something, not that I was this gay lady. So if anyone met my eye I was PETRIFIED they’d some how figure out I was pretending to be something I wasn’t so the shuffle worked. When I finally decided (around 6 months after coming to uni) to come out officially the hunch became even worse until I realised that no one really gave a damn that I was a bundle of gayness, so gradually the hunch started to leave, I started walking around the halls with my head up, started holding doors for people and hears the real kicker….I actually started to look people in the eye and SMILE.


So now I year later I actual have the walk of a slightly concussed rugby player, but at least I’m not getting confused for Quasimodo and I’m definitely not invisible anymore…but I’m not sure I appreciate the fact I’ve now become a spot at 10ft lesbian, a mullet, some new flannel and a pair of cargo shorts and that measurement will increase day by day.


So is that the secret of the lesbian swagger? Being stuck in the closet for 19 years shuffling around with our heads down….then when we break out we’re finally allowed to break out we walk to our own drum….good times….


as for my constant bopping I blame that on my MP3 player and the fact I can't help but bop along

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em

x

Thursday, 2 April 2009

All a girl needs is a fresh pack of AAs

“All I girl needs is a pack of double As and a friendly vibrating bunny”…perhaps not eh?

WARNING THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT ALL THINGS DOWN THERE! IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH A SLIGHTLY CHUBBY GEEK TALKING ABOUT THE NASTY RUN AWAY….NOW!!

SERIOUSLY!

…..

Right let’s get down to it…

Masturbation as you know from previous blogs is something I wholeheartedly endorse it and am not afraid to talk about. I am about to reveal some rather random and potentially incriminating secrets and wasn’t going to type these thoughts up but I thought “Sod it” the whole purpose I started this blog was to write about my experience as a young freshly out woman, good or bad, funny or sad….so while this is by no means “a sex blog” it is about me and I’ve tried to remain honest (I am self in the knowledge my mother is completely baffled by our digital microwave never mind a computer)

I bought my first official vibrator when I was 18 and in fact I bought more than one (I know I am full of surprises)...I chickened out of going to “Anne Summer” to actual buy one in person (despite dragging many of my male friends in there to wave testers in their appalled faces, before being banned on several occasions when I was a teenager) I waited till I was moved away from home with free access to the web and had a separate mailing address to my mother With the VAST choice out there I settled on a Rabbit pearl, a little bullet vibe and a random remote controlled waterproof number. I was giddy waiting for my “discreet” package to arrive, like a kid waiting for their birthday to arrive so they can rip of the wrapper and play. So when I finally got the note from the security lodge telling me to go sign for something I was delighted with myself as I walked knowingly back to my flat with the big, brown package and instantly locked myself in my room to admire my new toys.

I should explain that I was till pretending to be straight and had a peculiar fear I’m sure a few people have had, why couldn’t I have an orgasm? I’d of course had plenty but they were the result of a late night shuffle and a back massager and had only been clitoral and with myself…I’d tried using my own hand but really disliked the sensation of my own hand being there…I figured I needed it to be someone else touching me and making my fireworks. SOMEHOW I’d managed to get myself a Boyfriend the summer before I went off to university…well boyfriends a loss term…I used to sneak out and we used to go to comic book stores and argue before going to Starbucks then back to his to “watch” DVDs….which eventually lead to us semi naked in his room…it was kind of tragic but the best a girl that looks like me could have hoped for. He wasn’t a bad looking bloke, in fact he was quite cute, he had his own flat, a decent job and more importantly he didn’t seem to mind kissing me in public when sober. He was generally a nice guy but did have some genuinely horrible qualities like not acknowledging me to his friends but being all over me when we were alone but on the whole he was an OK guy. The problem was I felt SO uncomfortable and completely turned off when we were getting down to it that it pretty much put me off sex. I mean he was a good kisser and for a straight girl I’m sure he’d have been adequate if not very good in the sack (we never DID IT properly…No I was no lady of the night I was waiting for the right guy…who turned out to be a one night stand who couldn’t keep it up who seduced me when I was drunk and refused to acknowledge anything had happened but tried to make small talk every time he saw me)…ahem…he even had a big chunk of manhood. But Over the 3 months of our sordid affairs where I begrudgingly allowed his erect todger nudge me in places…and
I never came once….not for lack of trying but something else….it worried me that it never once felt good when he was roaming my womanly forest and it panicked me “WHAT IF IT NEVER FELT GOOD! WHAT IF NO ONE CAN MAKE ME COME! THIS MEANS I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX! AHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU VAGINA!!” that kind of thing…

I should explain once again that I have not had the best relationship with my Va-je-je…when I was born I had an infected uterus (I see you salivating at the thought) and had a lot of “Down there trouble”…that has cleared up now thanks...ladies please don’t be afraid of my v-hole she’s OK now…right ok what is my reason for rambling about mangy stuff…well from the ages of 4-6 I had these hideous sharp cream tampon like things stuffed up the valley and lemme tell you those suckers HURT like hell and the nurse shoving ‘em into me wasn’t the nicest. So I guess my poor old lady was associated with pain for quite a long time….but I am rambling about nothing…I guess my point is I didn’t like things being stuffed into me…..

So my first vibrators were my way of saying “ok vagina let’s see if we can do this” because I was sick of all this Freudian fear of penetration stuff I had read about.
Now you’re up to speed with my lady garden and all its problems let’s get back to the point…So back to my dorm room just opened my brown package and was very excited, my rabbit was very pretty and pink and non scary, the bullet vibe was small and simple but the other one was clearly designed from a guys point of view it was hard, and plastic and blue and very non sexy. It took me a while to work up the nerve to actual USE my new toys, I was alone in the flat my housemates all gone home for the weekend, so I pulled it out and tried. I have to admit it disappointed me that I wasn’t writhing in the grasps of pleasure after 10 seconds in fact it was down right painful and I gave up. It wasn’t until after my disastrous one night stand that I got the courage to try again…I forgot trying to imagine some stallion ramming me as “normal” girls had told me had mate it all better…I let myself think about myself and that was enough and this time…OH EM GEE! Possibly the BEST orgasm I’d ever had because of the sweet relief that I COULD tolerate something up my glory space! Slowly I allowed those hidden thought of girls to come into my head and they got better and so I’d finally done it….

Now that was 2 years ago since then I’ve invested in3 new vibrators and have a new love. I ADORE my caterpillar it’s purple, soft fits just right, and the clit stimulator is AWESOME! It’s a very nice little gadget…anyways I have to say being a single girl I am not averse to having some alone time. However lately I have not been enjoying myself at all…it’s become very hollow and an ache for something that simply isn’t there. The sensation is still there and still good but then it vanishes and you stare at the ceiling realising you’re alone, in your bed, listening to Lady GaGa that covers the orgasmic moans of ecstasy and banging coming from next door. It’s brought me close to tears a couple of times because I am tragic and ponder things more than is perhaps good for me. But the problem is there are no kisses, no whispers, no contact what so ever and I miss that, and I’m not an easy person to get close too…I have serious issues with body image but It’s not even that, I’ve had some bad experiences in the past which have deemed me unfit for any kind of human contact by other people…not pleasant…the thing is at this stage of my life I’m simply GAGGING for a relationship…not in a creepy way…well maybe…but I’m ready to attempt an actual human connection because I am more than ready, my fear of intimacy has been shattered. I’ll keep you up to posted but I sense it’s going to be a while before the word “date” or heaven forbid “girlfriend” crops up here.

So what was this journey through my night time roaming around my “flower” about? Why have I told you all this?

I guess I don’t know it’s been part of my self discovery and coming out so thought I’d share.

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

Friday, 20 March 2009

I love ladies who are hot....and all ladies are hot

Hey-o yall!

Well today I was walking jauntily down the street after investing in a cheap pair of avater sunnys and was feeling pretty cool...then I caught sight of myself in a window and you know what without sounding like a total douche I looked pretty good...in a white trash bohemian indie kid kind of way...but this got me to thinking in a round about way about Body image...

Now as a lady who likes to oggle other ladies I have to say I love every shape and every size I think the womanly form is a sexified thing. Seriously woman are great they have curves and boobs and smell good and have boobs and are alluring and have boobs....boobs...basicly I like woman...A LOT

I have to say the gay ladies for the majority have a seriously healthy attitude towards both their own body image and that of others. Now I'm not saying we're all hippy dippy everyone is beautiful colony because there really is a lot of meat marketing that goes on but in general we're pretty good at enjoying all sorts of womanly delights. For example you'll see a couple that to the straight world will make no sense, like I don't know a chubby butch girl with a lil femme...or 2 butches...or 2 femmes etc. etc. etc. and that really does make me feel proud to be part of this community...

Here's what I've found...in my experiance it is STRAIGHT WOMAN that cause all this cafuffle about being skinny and big headed with your ribs showing. Now PLEASE don't hate me I know we have been conditioned by men in suits to think this, and I blame the fashion industry...seriously who thought it's be a good idea to get gay men that want to dress 12 year old boys to dress grown woman? It's dumb dumb dumb! But what I'm saying is straight woman are a million times bitchier about the way someone looks....why all the insecurity? why are woman turning on each other constantly? it baffles the hell out me....

Prime Example

Miss Kelly Clarkson I'm sure you'll all agree she is a very very very attractive woman, and recently she's reappeared looking (in my opinion) a lot better, she's a healthier weight and looks GREAT...however I was disgusted with my staight housemate who insisted on declaring how FAT she is and how she "shouldn't be on TV looking like that, she's letting her fans down"...WTF!?!?!? I'm her fan and she sure as hell hasn't let ME down

Maybe I'm being too harsh on the straight ladies but that's just my experiances.

We need to STOP hating ourselves and I know I'm one of the worst people to be saying this...or maybe the best...it's no secret that I don't like the way I look, it's something I've always struggled with since I was a little bit of a thing so I'm gonna work on that...if you guys promise to as well.

We're all woman and that alone makes us beautiful

I mean we have boobs instead of man parts and that alone is cause for celebration

OK I'm off to watch ANTM Lladies be frickin' FIERCE!

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

BMPL ANNOUNCEMENT!



Sorry Bridget

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Emuh
x

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Being Gay and single....

Can you spot the theme this week?

Well this isn't a whine about being single....this is more....a quick ramble about how being Gay and single disrupts your life....

To avoid long winded complaining and soul searching I'm going to try and do this in list form....


1-Comming out and STAYING out: Yerp it's tough for anyone to come out but once you're OUT it's very tough to get people to take you seriously if you haven't got a partner. It's the old:

"Oh this is a phase...you're not REALLLLLLY gay because you're not actually dating anyone....so you're not doing it, you're not gay"

o.O

When a straight person is single (or the most part) people don't question their "straight-ness"....no ones going up to Bridget Jones and saying "Yo Bridget maybe you like minge!" because she's a single girl....do you see what I mean?

Parents re really bad at this "single=not really gay" thing...it gives them a slightly weird hope that you can't get rid off not matter what you say, you could wear rainbow pjs in a gaypride parade waving a flag that says "I <3 Vaginas" and they will still try and set you up with George form next door....

It is really tough to keep telling people "I AM ACTUALLY GAY AS THE DAY IS LONG!!!" but keep it up because you don't come out once you come out at least twice a month....it is true

2-Self doubt aka "am I really Gay?"
syndrome- There is such a thing belive me it exists, I've had it, and know others who have so DO NOT PANIC! You can be the most out, proud lesbian ever but if you're single in the world, you'll still have those lonely moments where you think:

"Am I really? or is this just a phase/cry for attention/brain related problem"

Do not panic....when you aren't having any fun times you over-think EVERYTHING and start processing the littlest thing like when you watch Doctor Who and start developing impossible sexual feelings towards David Tennant....*looks around* cough.....but it's OK that doesn't make you straight....

3-All you're friends are in reletionships: This pretty self explanatory....yerp....

4-You don't seem to fit in at events: Really sucks going places alone....so either grit your teeth and go it alone or bribe your friend to go...it really isn't nice to go alone anywhere but occasionally it's a good idea because it's important to do things you like for yourself...also you just meet someone doing the thing you like...occasionally....so I'm told...

So that's it the bad times involved when your Gay and single....

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x

THE REASON!!!

After simply YEARS of trying to figure out what the heck was up with the singles-ness I have finally discovered....THE REASON!!!



BAD TIMES!

Cherry Cherry BOOM BOOM

Em
x

Thursday, 5 March 2009

"There are A LOT of crazy people out there....and you will date them"

"There are A LOT of crazy people out there....and you will date them"

Ok we all know what a whinney biatch I am about being single.....not gonna get into it....but I watched this video today....and without sounding super cheesy it SPOKE to me xD



(the girl also says "Not in a Bax" and that made me smile)

So why am I doing my monthly "Single hate hate hate" thing?Well my house mate used to be my buddy in crying about our singleness....cept now she's gone and got back togather with her American boyfriend and ergo I am truely the only single girl left in the entire university...if not the world.

Here's the deal with me...I WANT to date but I can't because I'm so frickin' afraid....

I have....THE FEAR!!! (SCARY ECHO VOICE)

You know THE FEAR!!!!!....?

That evil little nagging that makes you think really dumb things when you think you've meet someone you could possibly be in to?

Things like...

"Oh they don't really like me they're just being polite"
"Wow they're being nice to me...I'm no way good enough to be talking to this person"
"Oh they like me as a friend...it's because I'm funny...oh god stop telling jokes!"
"They're smiling and looking at me...clearly they want me to introduce them to my friend"
"Oh they made out with me that was a kind act of chariety"
"OK they have their hand on my ass...clearly they are trying to rob me"

You know all that kind of thing....So I'm appaling at it all but it's time to face facts

I'M DESTINED TO BE ALONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you know what as long as I can have a Dog called Bunny and a Cat called Gilbert I can handle it BWAHAHAHAHA!!

This is all Rachels fault damn her and her happiness!

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Hey short girls...

Apparently I can only pull really short ladies...I have no problem with this...however I have one point

Attention all short ladies....

I am 5'10

you are small

wear heals and you won't bite my arm instead of my neck

Thank you

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Lookit some answers from me...

Well I figured that most of you don't know me personally so here is one of those lil survey thingys to perhaps give you more insight into my insane mind:


1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Too often and always in airports

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?
Nope...I mean what's the point of going on them if you don't watch?

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Maybe 7/8 years ago? I used to take my surf board to the top of the hill and ride down

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Alone...I feel really uncomfortable when someone else is in bed with me....like I might squish them

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
hmmmm...get back to me on that

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Creative oh heck yes...artistic and orginal with any talent? nope

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I have no idea.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Jennifer Aniston. I still think Angelina Jolie looks like an alien...no harm to her just...eww

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
I know enough...and certainly far more than anyone I know...excpet maybe my friend who actually STUDIES it...Though I have forgotton most everything I learned durring my A -Levels

10. Do you know how to play ?
No....I think that's my problem

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
My current record is 76 hours..insomnia is a bitch....

12. What's your favorite commercial?
Right now? gotta be this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVblWq3tDwY

some people hind it creepy I can honestly say I laugh my ass off every single time I see it


13. Who was your first love?
Rosey (mumblemumblemumble) she was this hot older woman....I was 4 at the time...we had this endless love...till someone else came along and bribed her with rolos

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
Don't drive....and hate people that do that kin of thing

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Of Course everyone does

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Red Sox!!! GO BOSTON! :D

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
I'm pretty good at it actually

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
pretty regularly at least a couple of hours

19. What's the one thing on your mind?
Mmmm chocolate

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yerp

21. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I had nipple confidence

22. Do you like Sushi?
No. I dont eat fish...least not the kind that swims

23. What do you wear to bed?
Old t shirts and pj bottoms

24. Do you truly anyone?
????

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Am I allowed to pick married people? Because top of that list is Idina Menzel....she could take me or leave me the minx

26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Not that I'm aware of...but you never know

27. What food do you find disgusting?
Anything with fish, cabbage or cauliflower

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Oh heck yes...and ha it done back....it's the womans code

29. Have you ever been punched in the face
Yeah my nephew broke my jaw....not bad considering he was 7 at the time

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
I belive in Dan Brown does that count?


Wow this was actually a pretty borring one sorry folks but maybe you enoyed it anyway

Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Em
x