I was recently walking down to meet some friends happily going along when I got a text “look behind you”….yerp on of them had spotted me simply by the way I walk. Apparently I bounce when I walk, I blame the fact my feet are 3 sizes bigger than they should be and the men shoes I am forced to purchase as a result, but more recently I’ve been told my walk has changed by friends from back home…That’s right ladies I have (drum roll please) THE LESBIAN SWAGGER!!!
Now as a young whipper snapper of a girl I used to run around and bop about until I was told not to. I always had this slightly clumsy walk because my feet were always a bit too big for my legs but I used to move “to the beat of my own drum” as my mum would say, never really caring if I looked like a weirdo or not. Those were the good ol’ days.
When I was in my teens I used to hunch and shuffle along trying not to be noticed by anyone (not an easy task when you’re 5’10 and the size of a small country) but I developed this scampering, clumsy gait that really didn’t suit me. I kept that walk all through my first year at uni, head down, clutching my books to my chest like a bullet proof vest, apologizing to anyone who brushed past me and trying to blend into the walls. Now not every aspect of my life is ruled by my gayness however I used to walk around like I had a huge and horrid secret, like I was the anti-Christ or something, not that I was this gay lady. So if anyone met my eye I was PETRIFIED they’d some how figure out I was pretending to be something I wasn’t so the shuffle worked. When I finally decided (around 6 months after coming to uni) to come out officially the hunch became even worse until I realised that no one really gave a damn that I was a bundle of gayness, so gradually the hunch started to leave, I started walking around the halls with my head up, started holding doors for people and hears the real kicker….I actually started to look people in the eye and SMILE.
So now I year later I actual have the walk of a slightly concussed rugby player, but at least I’m not getting confused for Quasimodo and I’m definitely not invisible anymore…but I’m not sure I appreciate the fact I’ve now become a spot at 10ft lesbian, a mullet, some new flannel and a pair of cargo shorts and that measurement will increase day by day.
So is that the secret of the lesbian swagger? Being stuck in the closet for 19 years shuffling around with our heads down….then when we break out we’re finally allowed to break out we walk to our own drum….good times….
as for my constant bopping I blame that on my MP3 player and the fact I can't help but bop along
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom