Saturday, 29 November 2008

The great abyess...of lesbian dating

I debated to call this blog "How NOT to date:the lesbian in college guide" but decided that made it seem like there was some ACTUAL useful information not just my really akward experiances....

I'm just gonna re-call some really dodgey things that have happened to me (or what I've inflicted on other people) and advise you never ever try them.

1.Never try and chat a girl up when she is sober and you are absolutly not: My advise is to have some kind of buddy system that will prevent this from happening because it will only end in your downfall. OK when I first came out (like 8 months ago) I was very scared of going to "The Gay Town" aka the 6 gay bars down a dark allyway, so the first night I was invited to go I did what any self respectin newly out of the closet girl would do...I got absolutly w***ered. By the time we actually got to some clubs where ladies were present I could barely tell where I was and was doing something very out of nature...I was going up to strangers and starting conversations. Now you way be saying to yourself surely that's a good thing" I my friend would have agreed but here is an example of one of said conversations:

Emuh*drunkly staggers to dark corner where girl is sitting alone*: D'you minffsitwifjo?
Girl *looking amused and slighlty scared*: Erm sure....
Emuh: Soooojoerebyrself?
Girl *looking even more scared and less amused*:No my friends are over there dancing...
Girl*looking for escape*:erm...thanks I...
Girl *looks for help*: erm...

and it continues and goes on and on in an endless loop of LAME!

The girl was nice enough to talk to me and gave me her fake number. Next day all I could remember of my first "OUTing" was this conversation...and my AWFUL dancing...I should never dance EVER...I look like Miss Piggy on acid. This is why when I'm out now I stand by the bar stare at hot girls from afar and nver hit on anyone.

2.Letting your straight friends set you up on a blind date is a bad idea: THIS is an AWFUL idea...straight people don't understand that being gay isn't grounds enough for a reletionship. My friends set me up with this very nice lady who was pretty...but we had nothing in common and proceeded to have the most akward stilted converstaion which ended with her getting a call from her girlfriend. THAT really helped my self don't let the breeders set you up it'll end in an akward handshake.

3. Starring at girls from the bar: This is my dating move...hence the reason I am single. You know what I mean; You see a hot girl, you look at her, she looks at you, you look quickly away,
This is the story of my life...simply because any girl I have an intrest in (which is most girls) will never go for me in a million years *emoness* I'm such a gay...
she ignores you the rest of the night, you can't stop starring at her and then go home alone.

4.The horrors of internet dating: Well...people who have success with this...please teach me. See I get so paranoid when people call me hot online based on one photo...if they saw me in real life they'd run for teh hillz! Yerp...I don't do the "dating website thing" these are just people on my websites such as AFTERELLEN it creeps me out. What's worse is when people add me to facebook....I don't know you how'd you get my name? why do you wnt to be my fried after eeing some of the truely awful pics that are up there you freak of nature. Please stop PMing to be like "Ur Hawt lolz" because I do not belive you and won't respect your judgement in woman...yerp...bad times

5. You'll never find me attractive and if you do you're nuts!: Is this just me? or do a lot of ladies get this paranoia? If I find someone remotly attractive I can't possibly imagine they'd like me because I'm so....egh...but then if a girl approaches me I automaticly think; it's some kind of bet/dare she has with her friends or a complete nutcase. Also if someone flirts with me I have no idea what she's doing...I'm so used to no one "liking me" liking me that I don't understand flirting...I'm so bad at the flirting thing it's why I stay at home and eat cookies alone.

So that's some things to remember when out and about:
-Avoid excessive drunkness
-Don't let straight people fix you up
-Try not to stare/stalk girls in clubs
-PMing people with "your hawt" tends not to work
-Try to except that people may actually find you attractive

-DON'T make out with guys in sends the wrong message

Well that's all from me today

luffles and cookies


Sunday, 23 November 2008

No to prop.8

I've been hearing alot about prop 8 this week and my veiws errupted in this video:

Friday, 21 November 2008

My first atempt at orginizing lesbian lunch...

This here is an offically LESBIAN post...

I meet some ladies for lunch today it was very fun we ended up staying out way past our respective curfews...we're bad girls who need to be punished.

Let's start from the begining...good place to start...

Soooooooooooooooooooo this all really starts with

I accidently stumbled upon afterellen back when I was hiding in the closet, I was googling Americas Next Top Model (do not judge me that show is ACE)...and low and behold there it was in all it's gay glory.

For those of you who do not know afterellen is an AMAZING amazing entertainment website for lesbian and bi-sexual woman. It features many great writters who write witty, and sometimes heartwarming articles about "our world" and what it's like for lesbiaonic ladies. They also provide us lots of gossip about TV film music and awesome stuff which is all the better. I loves those however personally my favorite things on there are the V-logs, especially We're getting no where which has sadly come to and you hear that that's thousands of lesbians crying "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" at that tragedy...and the still going strong and best thing on the net Brunch with Bridget (which stars my soon to be wife Bridget McManus) that really make me lol...but I mean actually Laugh Out Loud as in realz because they are so funny.

I joined afterellen a year ago before I came out when I was "Bi" (code for too scared to be gay) and haven't looked back since, I'm on there everyday and I'm pretty sure it's the reason I'll fail my degree.

But I digress, so I wrote a begging note on the forums there asking where all the lesbians were in my new adoptive city of Liverpool and a couple of lovelies answered which made me squee all over the show.

After a month or so of chatting to these girlies I decided to take the plunge and invite these people out to lunch to chat about what we lesbian vloggers! YAY!!!

So being the best lesbain ever I arranged the meeting in a Vegan Cafe...becuae lesbians and veggie food go togather...well like lesbians and veggie food! Luckily for me they showed up other wise it would have been me alone talking about my love of Bridgets legs...drool.... Dispite the fact I'm socially retarded they seemed to enjoy my weirdness embracing me as quirky not "a freak of nature" the coversation was varied but always flowing which made it amazing I had the best fun I've ever had with my clothes on.

So what can top this Bridget/Jill loves fest? well I plan to get these girls drunk that should be pretty ace :D bwahaha...drunken Jill/Bridget conversations...something tells me that might o a bit wrong....ahem...

Bad start to the day...


Well today was crappy...I got up all ready to go to my lecture at 11 and felt very dandy indeed, super pumped because of my screen writting class as I actually had some pretty decent ideas for today. I was raring to go all wide eyed and eager...that is until I got in the shower.

Before you ask no I do not have some weird phobia of seeing my own naked body (though I wouldn't wish that on anyone *shudders*), I reached over to grab my shampoo and swayed into the wall as I nearly blacked out. Now I don't know what it is but last year I DID black out in the shower and hit my neck on the sink (it was in a very small Halls en-suite) and got a weird "u" shaped bruise which made me look like I'd either:

1-Tried to hang myself in a very weird positon

2-Had been having very kinky and extremly aggresive sex involving bondage of some kind

3-Had been leeched upon by some alien life form

Now of those 3 events the last one is the one most likely to happen to me so it wasn't easy to explain to people what had actually happened.

But I digress...

So I got out the shower collapsed to floor and started feeling incredibly incredibly ill, I have a raging fever, my head hurts and my teeth itch. I reckon it's a government plot to get me through the water network by injecting some kind of high tech illegal poison they usally reserve for spies and kebab shop meat. But now I'm sitting her feeling like death with a fever and some soup in my PJs NOT in my lecture.

I'm le pissed at my phailing self


p.s Yeah this has nothing about being a gay or aything I just feel really lame

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Hello der again...

So I'm sure you want to know all about me right?

Probably not and I don't blame you or not wanting to read a bunch of silly words...the best way to get to know me are through my insane youtube videos:

if you're super super bored just go ther and watch my craptacular skillz and truely see the insanity I have in my brain place...



Hello der Blogger...

Hiiiiiiii der!

I'm always making these and they somehow get losted soooooo...

Here for joo is a spanky new blog all about me and my gayness!!

This is all about my experiances as a LESMBEAN in college, what it's like to be out the closet and most likely how stupid people are...

I hope you enjoy monkey lovers!