Saturday, 29 November 2008

The great abyess...of lesbian dating

I debated to call this blog "How NOT to date:the lesbian in college guide" but decided that made it seem like there was some ACTUAL useful information not just my really akward experiances....

I'm just gonna re-call some really dodgey things that have happened to me (or what I've inflicted on other people) and advise you never ever try them.

1.Never try and chat a girl up when she is sober and you are absolutly not: My advise is to have some kind of buddy system that will prevent this from happening because it will only end in your downfall. OK when I first came out (like 8 months ago) I was very scared of going to "The Gay Town" aka the 6 gay bars down a dark allyway, so the first night I was invited to go I did what any self respectin newly out of the closet girl would do...I got absolutly w***ered. By the time we actually got to some clubs where ladies were present I could barely tell where I was and was doing something very out of nature...I was going up to strangers and starting conversations. Now you way be saying to yourself surely that's a good thing" I my friend would have agreed but here is an example of one of said conversations:

Emuh*drunkly staggers to dark corner where girl is sitting alone*: D'you minffsitwifjo?
Girl *looking amused and slighlty scared*: Erm sure....
Emuh: Soooojoerebyrself?
Girl *looking even more scared and less amused*:No my friends are over there dancing...
Girl*looking for escape*:erm...thanks I...
Girl *looks for help*: erm...

and it continues and goes on and on in an endless loop of LAME!

The girl was nice enough to talk to me and gave me her fake number. Next day all I could remember of my first "OUTing" was this conversation...and my AWFUL dancing...I should never dance EVER...I look like Miss Piggy on acid. This is why when I'm out now I stand by the bar stare at hot girls from afar and nver hit on anyone.

2.Letting your straight friends set you up on a blind date is a bad idea: THIS is an AWFUL idea...straight people don't understand that being gay isn't grounds enough for a reletionship. My friends set me up with this very nice lady who was pretty...but we had nothing in common and proceeded to have the most akward stilted converstaion which ended with her getting a call from her girlfriend. THAT really helped my self don't let the breeders set you up it'll end in an akward handshake.

3. Starring at girls from the bar: This is my dating move...hence the reason I am single. You know what I mean; You see a hot girl, you look at her, she looks at you, you look quickly away,
This is the story of my life...simply because any girl I have an intrest in (which is most girls) will never go for me in a million years *emoness* I'm such a gay...
she ignores you the rest of the night, you can't stop starring at her and then go home alone.

4.The horrors of internet dating: Well...people who have success with this...please teach me. See I get so paranoid when people call me hot online based on one photo...if they saw me in real life they'd run for teh hillz! Yerp...I don't do the "dating website thing" these are just people on my websites such as AFTERELLEN it creeps me out. What's worse is when people add me to facebook....I don't know you how'd you get my name? why do you wnt to be my fried after eeing some of the truely awful pics that are up there you freak of nature. Please stop PMing to be like "Ur Hawt lolz" because I do not belive you and won't respect your judgement in woman...yerp...bad times

5. You'll never find me attractive and if you do you're nuts!: Is this just me? or do a lot of ladies get this paranoia? If I find someone remotly attractive I can't possibly imagine they'd like me because I'm so....egh...but then if a girl approaches me I automaticly think; it's some kind of bet/dare she has with her friends or a complete nutcase. Also if someone flirts with me I have no idea what she's doing...I'm so used to no one "liking me" liking me that I don't understand flirting...I'm so bad at the flirting thing it's why I stay at home and eat cookies alone.

So that's some things to remember when out and about:
-Avoid excessive drunkness
-Don't let straight people fix you up
-Try not to stare/stalk girls in clubs
-PMing people with "your hawt" tends not to work
-Try to except that people may actually find you attractive

-DON'T make out with guys in sends the wrong message

Well that's all from me today

luffles and cookies


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