Friday, 30 October 2009
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Ok peeps here tis….a brief list of no no’s yall should bear in mind if you’re the adventurous type…these have all happened to me and to them I say neigh! It just goes to prove I’m not the one night only kind…or lucky in anyway. So here we go….
20 Things you should never do on a 1 night stand!
1-Make out with someone just after you’ve eaten a cheeseburger: This is just plain nasty because here’s the deal…I like burgers and I like kissing but both at the same time is just gross…so homegirls gum! It wouldn’t kill ye to use some after you’ve hit Maccy D’s
2-Call someone “Squishy…like a bouncy castle!”: You wanna kill the mood extra quickly while you’re with a curvy woman just compare her to a giant inflatable children’s play thing…she’ll love that…
3- Spend 20 minutes on the phone to your friends just before or even DURRING business hours: I’m sure your friends are lovely but TBH I don’t really need to hear about Heathers family problems when I picked you up at a place called “Stray”
4-Repeatidly mention your dead relatives: This should be pretty self explanatory….
5- Utter the words “Wow…that’s exactly how my ex used to do it!” : really? hey guess what I DON’T CARE!!! Keep thoughts of yer ex to yourself because it’s 4.30 and I don’t have time for a heart to heart when I haven’t had mine yet
6-Read your text messages while having sex-I’m sure your mates don’t wanna know about the “bouncy” castle girl in your pants right now.
7-Bitting in places that hurt the next day: e.g. nipples, belly, thighs, boobs, bum, shoulder…that pleasure is reserved for girlfriends whom I trust not to leave me looking like a beaten woman for a week!
8-Assume I’m a bottom because I have a big one: Ok this may just be me who’s annoyed by this but for reals I’ll rock your world….
9-Talk about how pigs are the most vicious of all the fun farm yard creatures and their uses in the disposal of a human body: NOT sexy! So when you kill me you’re gonna feed me to your pigs huh? Oh I want you I need you oh baby oh baby…..to get the hell offa me buffalo Bill!
10-Assume just because you’ve seen me naked you’re allowed to come into the shower with me: G’AH! GET OUT I’M TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE SHAME AND SMELL OF VOMIT!!! Plus it’s daylight and while I’m sexy in the dark you’re certainly NOT allowed to look at my wobbly bits sober in anyway
11- Call me Suzanne when that’s clearly not my name:
12-Get so high you get super paranoid and refuse to let your “date leave”: inviting someone back, getting high, and locking the both of you in a small room, while you block the only exit route for said “date” is a big NO NO!
13-Steal items of clothing from your conquest: You may have fallen for her…or just really liked her shirt but seriously that’s A) Creepy and B) STEALING! This is illegal…
14-Start a theological debate about the moral standards of the community: Says you who’s pulled me, made me pay for the taxi AND stolen my favourite t-shirt….I’m sure Jesus won’t mind if you add “having awesome hot lesbian shmexy times” to that list
15-NOT using lube before attempting certain activities: NUFF said ladies I’m sure use your imagination…
16-Declare “OH SHIT MY PARENT ARE HERE GET DRESSED!! GET DRESSED! HIDE ALL MY GAY STUFF!!!!” at when sex has been occurring until : having a grumpy tired lesbian leaving your dorm room may not be the greatest thing for you…
17-Make your “date” look at pictures of your ex and comparing them to said Ex: Nothing says “I’m so hot for you right now” than pointing out every single flaw of the person who wants to shag you.
18-Pokeing any flabbiness and referring to it as “adorable” as your intended bed buddy gets undressed: o.O you don’t have mad passionate MIND BLOWING orgasms with anyone who is “adorable”
19-Saying “I hope you don’t mind but I won’t be doing that to you…compared to what you just did I’m useless”: THAT is SUCH a cope out! At least give it a go…I mean I came all the way over here…so the point of this evening was to get you off and then watch rubbish TV while listening to you cry about your last conquest and how awesome they were….sigh
20-Be a boy: That’s just unforgivable…no vagina, no entry
So I hope you abide these rules girls and heed my warnings
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
“If you like girls why are you dating someone who looks like a boy?”
I am not afraid to admit I was a bit ignorant….because I have slowly discovered (without sounding too sleazy about it) that under that button up shirt, levis, and faux-hawk there is an actual OMG woman’s body…I KNOW RIGHT WHO KNEW!?
Now here’s the thing...I’m about to expose myself for the purposes of science…or at least you know mild amusement…
When I’m sober I have to say I find myself checking out cute, femmey chicks with the flowing hair, and cute shirts, and sigh.
When I’m drunk I have to say I find myself making out/sleeping with cute butch chicks with the short hair, and the waistcoats and sigh.
So why am I in denial about my butch crushes?
Well I don’t think it’s simply because they’re butch…it’s the clothes and over all attitude…I’m just not into that overly done up look, all that fake tan and heels. I like that low maintenance thing and I always think a woman no matter what looks better when she’s relaxed, in jeans, a t shirt, with her hair down and no make up. So when you’re out a femme girl will rarely look relaxed, she’ll be all dressed to kill, looking amazing but also really intimidating, well to me anyway and that puts me off. Butch girls by contrast will usually be in a fancier version of their everyday chill clothes, and even if it takes them twice as long as their femme counterparts to get ready they look like it took them 5 minutes and THAT to me is sexy. And in a strange way it’s a little bit of a turn on for me to get hit on by a butch girl because it makes ME feel like a total girl which is a complete change from my day to day life.
I’m admitting it I was totally biased and now I’m starting to see how stupid it was…
So now I think I’m into hot girls: butch, femme, diesel, soft…whatever…I just like woman…pretty woman…sigh….
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Monday, 19 October 2009
Reasons I will make out with anyone if I am intoxicated at any point:
1- I have no self esteme what so ever so any attention makes me feel loved!
2- I'm usually cornered and alone because my friends are too bust laughing at my mis-fortune
3-I'm a good kisser and TBH if you want it you got it
End of story yo!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
what yall think?
Now before yall start on my about it just being a star there are several meaning behind it....
Meaning 1- There are 7 tribes of the Cherokee nation my Grandmother was a mmber of "Th Bear Tribe" and the symbol for cherokee is a 7 pointed star...
Meaning 2- The reason it is the "Elven star" is because the lven star is the ultimate sign of power and the combination of the spirts
Meaning 3- There are 7 people who have shaped my life
Meaning 4 (placement)- Back in the day lesbians would wear a star tattoo on the inside of their wrists to recognise eavh other "today many lesbians have a star tattoo to show their solidarity with their more oppressed historical sisters"
Meaning 5 - It's BAMF!
So no one can say I didn't think this tattoo completly and utterly all the way through....
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Thursday, 8 October 2009
My results came out as:
Although on the surface you seem to ride life as though it’s the crest of a wave – you have called the coast guard for information about tides beforehand! You are excited by new challenges and are happy to ‘go with the flow’ and try new experiences. You’ll be up for a spontaneous after-work drink with friends but not if it means you miss the last bus home. You’re independent and take balanced risks. You will be happy to date someone who is out of your comfort zone for the experience but when your instincts about a person or situation kick in, you’ll stop and listen. Although you’re ready for fun, you certainly wouldn’t call yourself reckless.
You’re certainly no wallflower but sometimes there may be chinks in your confident exterior. Although unflappable most of the time, you are able to take the opinions of others on board and are able to deal with criticism quite well. You’re comfortable with who you are and although you don’t actively seek approval you appreciate it when it comes your way and it makes you feel good about yourself. Because you can have moments when you’re a bit unsure of yourself, you’re perfectly placed to boost the confidence of others.
On the whole, you’ll believe in someone’s integrity until proved otherwise but you won’t give others as long a rope as your more trusting friends. Life experience has taught you that you should be on your guard and opening up too soon could leave you vulnerable to being hurt. You will expect a new partner to earn your trust and you may take some time to trust someone new. Once trust is in place you’ll feel relaxed and this will make any partner feel secure in the relationship.
So I'm pretty much a walking contradiction
cherry cherry boom boom
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Saturday, 3 October 2009
For some reason every website I frequent is touching on the subject of lesbian porn….and what porn lesbian are really into….and here’s the shock horror lesbians just love the gay boy porn!
I have to confess porn some what baffles me on some levels but I’m not going as far as to say I’ve never seen any….
Like many lesbians straight porn turns me off straight away as does “lesbian girl on girl action” produced by straight film makers, it’s the finger nails I mean…just…OUCH! But apart from that it’s the total lack of engagement; the glazed over expressions of the girls, the weird looks to camera, and the fake “OH OH OH OH!” noises that anyone who’s been in a room with a woman having a real orgasm can tell is 100% poppy cock. It’s the fake boobs, the hair extensions, the hairy, sweaty, and some what greasy looking guys that I’m privileged enough to be able to avoid…all that hair…it’s just wrong…
So it’s not hard to see why gay woman get so turned off by the fake-ness of the girls and all that hair…we have enough drama to cop with in the dating world that includes fake-ness and bad hair.
I think on some level those lesbians that have had the experience of trying to be with a man have had to fake enjoyment and the void expression hits a bit too close to home.
Then there’s that “lesbian porn made by lesbians for lesbians” which is…not sexy at all…yes it’s nice to see a representation of what we actually do but it still seems so forced…and if we’re honest I think we need to get acquainted with the lady behind the lady parts before we dive right in there on the whole we lady loving ladies tend to take ourselves rather seriously in the sexy n love departments, because we’re trying so hard to free our sex from the clutches of heterosexual debauchery it seems almost hypocritical of us to exploit it in a similar way. And when your mind is on the complex theories of gender, sex and power it’s kind of difficult to get off….just saying.
So this leads me to the gay boy porn and why so many ladies love it…o at least enjoy it…I am one of these ladies and for a while I though I was the worst lesbian of all time until I discovered it’s our communities dirty little secret. In my opinion it comes down to a single phrase:
You can not fake an erection
It’s that simple really…it’s easier to imagine that being a guy in the male porn industry really is a choice rather than due to some tragic circumstances. Because of the physicality of male sex it’s difficult to imagine the guys aren’t into what they’re doing…yes there is penis involved but that penis doesn’t have ANY interest in me what so ever making it ok to watch. There’s no need for an emotional connection, those guys are having a good time and that’s kinda hot…in fact really hot. And maybe there’s a little bit of the “forbidden fruit” aspect as well “I really shouldn’t be enjoying this but I do…”
In the end I don’t think lesbians dig the gay porn for no reason, and it’s not only the gay girlies, straight ladies dig it to, watching 2 built, cut, pretty boys going at it and ENJOYING it…I mean sex should be about passion, real honest to god I wanna eff you right now so I’m going to…it’s not rocket science.
So if you’re a lady who loves ladies but likes to watch Adam and Steve get it on don’t freak out you are not alone!
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom