OK it's getting to be bad times when a girl can't even sit down in the library without some meat-sack starring at her.
It's really getting to me the amount of male attention I've been getting latly....I don't mean I'm so arrogant I can't abide a man even glancing at me by accident...I mean I'm utterly sick of the WRONG kind of male attention I can't help but attract.
I can't seem to find the right way of putting this but I'll try...
So recently I've been noticing an increasing number of sleazy guys eyeing me up and down and grinning everytime I walk down the street. I've never had any kind of male attention before so the fact men have been looking is bad enough, but what's worse is the abundantly clear looks on their faces that seem to say, "easy prey"....it's disgusting. I'm not saying it's just because guys do it, if a woman looked me the same way, I'd be equally repulsed, it's the expectations behind the looks it's a bit disturbing. I've never classed myself as an attractive girl, because simple fact on fact is that I'm not, so naturally I grew used to the invisibilty that being a "wall flower" type of gal brings. I feel very umcomfortable if someone ANYONE looks at me in a way other than "You're in my way" or "hey can I get to teh bar please?" it's a strange feeling for me to even host the thought someone might find me attractive in the slightest.
But the thing is the guys that stare at me....are in the majority of cases either Turkish or African. I would just like to state right now I have no problem with peoples culture or race this is just what I personally have experianced. I don't know why these men think it's exceptable to stare and make lewd gestures and faces at a woman walking down the street who's minding her own business. I'm a pretty strong person I'm fiercly independant and don't scare easily, but these men do something to me that makes me want to scream, they make me feel vunrable. I was once stalked down the street by some dude in a van that wouldn't leave me alone even when I declared "look asshole I'm gay!", and I'm the type of person who feels like I can protect myself but these men honestly intemidate me and sometimes scare me which in turn makes me angry, The way some men just openly stare at your chest as you walk by it makes me almost ashamed to be a woman...
Now if I was dressing in short skirts, and low tops I might understand some of the attention (even though it'd still be un-exceptible) but the fact is I'm me...I dress in jeans and T-shirts and wear heavy jackets and hoodies! I'm not sexy! I dress for comfort I have to so when I'm starred at like I'm a piece of meat by hungry dogs I feel physically sick.
But the thing is it's not just me in my uncomfortable lesbian skin that feels this way....I have a very good friend who is a bit of a man eater (she says so herself with pride) she likes male attention, she craves it sometimes, but the way THESE type of men look at her make her just as un-comfortable as me. There's something sinister in their stares....
In the clubs it's worse, I am contantly approached even in gay bars by men who think a drunk girl is asking to be date raped. It makes me angry that I can't even feel safe in my own community...the one place of all places that I as a woman, and as a gay woman, should feel at ease.
I'm doing an essay on the need for feminism in contempary socioty....I debated with myself if it was really relevant...I guess it is because it is still hard to walk down the street as a woman KNOWING you're not being looked at as an equal but as a piece of meat that can be bought, consummed and discarded.
I'm more angry at these types of men not as a lesbian but as a woman because as a woman it is my right to be able to walk down a street and feel safe.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom