I was showering and was wondering how I was gonna break the news to my mother that I have a tattoo….and it got me thinking what ELSE doesn’t my mother know about me??
Well here’s my top 10
Number 10: That I had a boyfriend for nearly 6 months-My first, last and only boyfriend Simon…sigh…I would sneak off on the train every weekend spend the day with him (and possibly night) hop on the train home and my mother was completely clueless…I was full of a good old fashioned Jewish girl guilt but she never found out and never will…cos I aint gonna tell her…why ruin the illusion?
Number 9: Well it’s linked to number 10 so…My mother does not know (and shouldn’t find out) that I have lost my virginity BOTH ways-I believe this is self explanatory but yeah I’m my mother’s Virginal princess I don’t see any reason for running that illusion…
Number 8: I’ve been cautioned by the police-Now don’t be shocked at me now Blogger peeps but when I was younger I was a Goth…and more than that I was a Goth that liked to party…I may have sotrta kinda gone to an illegal rave…that was broken up by the police and luckily for me I was quite young and the police went easy on me and just told me off
Number 7: I’m banned from Anne Summers in Lisburn for high jinx- Yeah….again when I was 15 I was a bit naughty and took my best friend into the “toys section” where I tickled his ear with a rabbit thruster…and got banned by the highly annoyed manager…so whenever we go bra shopping I have to make up an excuse as to why I can’t go in there…because the manager STILL STILL remembers me :S
Number 6: That the girl that stayed in our house…and my bed…for a week was actually my girlfriend- nuff said I’m extremely lucky my mother thinks of me as pure and innocent and doesn’t get suspicious…
Number 5: That I turned down the chance to do law at one of the best universities in Ireland to come to Liverpool and study theatre- Yeah this is a biggie….I never wanted to do law but I was advised to do it because my grades in politics and history were quite good and I actually got preliminarily accepted on the course at Trinity College Dublin…but….I didn’t formally apply with my UCAS and went with the performing arts courses instead….if my mother ever found out I had a CHANCE to go to Trinity she’ll actually kill me.
Number 4: I broke her favourite vase and blamed it on my dog- :S sorry Rags
Number 3: I lied to her about drinking at my 6th form Formal- I was 17 at the time and therefore not strictly legally allowed to drink but hey it was formal and all my friends were drinking and I was peer pressured into it….ok I wasn’t and I got drunk I’m sorry mum!
Number 2: That I recently had a full STI screening- you know sometimes your mum just DOESN’T need to know about EVERY doctor’s appointment no matter how often she claims she does.
Number 1: I’m actually quite infamous on the interwebs…..MWAHA
So anything you won’t tell yer mum that she doesn’t know?
I wanna know how sneaky yall are
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Thursday, 5 November 2009
Secks-uh-al fantasy
What’s yours ladies?
I’m very weird like because mine are never about hot n sweaty one night stands or threesomes with hot celeb babes…mine are more like me and the wife cuddling in bed while the rain pours down outside….
I don’t tend to talk to my friends about master de bation so haven’t got a wide spectrum on the matter but we’re in agreement that most of us need to think about someone we have feelings for or the fantasy relationship lady…weirdness
I have to say mine is the cheesy straight neighbour who falls for my charms after many nights of wine and talking…yeah I’m very boring romantic type…I can’t help myself sex doesn’t turn me on unless there’s commitment involved….I blame my years as a born again Christian all that “sex is sacred” stuff. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it just makes it difficult to get my kicks when sex without love makes me feel dirty and insecure….
So is it just me who gets off on the idea of a committed relationship?
Would love to hear from you guys
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
I’m very weird like because mine are never about hot n sweaty one night stands or threesomes with hot celeb babes…mine are more like me and the wife cuddling in bed while the rain pours down outside….
I don’t tend to talk to my friends about master de bation so haven’t got a wide spectrum on the matter but we’re in agreement that most of us need to think about someone we have feelings for or the fantasy relationship lady…weirdness
I have to say mine is the cheesy straight neighbour who falls for my charms after many nights of wine and talking…yeah I’m very boring romantic type…I can’t help myself sex doesn’t turn me on unless there’s commitment involved….I blame my years as a born again Christian all that “sex is sacred” stuff. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it just makes it difficult to get my kicks when sex without love makes me feel dirty and insecure….
So is it just me who gets off on the idea of a committed relationship?
Would love to hear from you guys
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Thursday, 2 April 2009
All a girl needs is a fresh pack of AAs
“All I girl needs is a pack of double As and a friendly vibrating bunny”…perhaps not eh?
WARNING THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT ALL THINGS DOWN THERE! IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH A SLIGHTLY CHUBBY GEEK TALKING ABOUT THE NASTY RUN AWAY….NOW!!
SERIOUSLY!
…..
Right let’s get down to it…
Masturbation as you know from previous blogs is something I wholeheartedly endorse it and am not afraid to talk about. I am about to reveal some rather random and potentially incriminating secrets and wasn’t going to type these thoughts up but I thought “Sod it” the whole purpose I started this blog was to write about my experience as a young freshly out woman, good or bad, funny or sad….so while this is by no means “a sex blog” it is about me and I’ve tried to remain honest (I am self in the knowledge my mother is completely baffled by our digital microwave never mind a computer)
I bought my first official vibrator when I was 18 and in fact I bought more than one (I know I am full of surprises)...I chickened out of going to “Anne Summer” to actual buy one in person (despite dragging many of my male friends in there to wave testers in their appalled faces, before being banned on several occasions when I was a teenager) I waited till I was moved away from home with free access to the web and had a separate mailing address to my mother With the VAST choice out there I settled on a Rabbit pearl, a little bullet vibe and a random remote controlled waterproof number. I was giddy waiting for my “discreet” package to arrive, like a kid waiting for their birthday to arrive so they can rip of the wrapper and play. So when I finally got the note from the security lodge telling me to go sign for something I was delighted with myself as I walked knowingly back to my flat with the big, brown package and instantly locked myself in my room to admire my new toys.
I should explain that I was till pretending to be straight and had a peculiar fear I’m sure a few people have had, why couldn’t I have an orgasm? I’d of course had plenty but they were the result of a late night shuffle and a back massager and had only been clitoral and with myself…I’d tried using my own hand but really disliked the sensation of my own hand being there…I figured I needed it to be someone else touching me and making my fireworks. SOMEHOW I’d managed to get myself a Boyfriend the summer before I went off to university…well boyfriends a loss term…I used to sneak out and we used to go to comic book stores and argue before going to Starbucks then back to his to “watch” DVDs….which eventually lead to us semi naked in his room…it was kind of tragic but the best a girl that looks like me could have hoped for. He wasn’t a bad looking bloke, in fact he was quite cute, he had his own flat, a decent job and more importantly he didn’t seem to mind kissing me in public when sober. He was generally a nice guy but did have some genuinely horrible qualities like not acknowledging me to his friends but being all over me when we were alone but on the whole he was an OK guy. The problem was I felt SO uncomfortable and completely turned off when we were getting down to it that it pretty much put me off sex. I mean he was a good kisser and for a straight girl I’m sure he’d have been adequate if not very good in the sack (we never DID IT properly…No I was no lady of the night I was waiting for the right guy…who turned out to be a one night stand who couldn’t keep it up who seduced me when I was drunk and refused to acknowledge anything had happened but tried to make small talk every time he saw me)…ahem…he even had a big chunk of manhood. But Over the 3 months of our sordid affairs where I begrudgingly allowed his erect todger nudge me in places…and
I never came once….not for lack of trying but something else….it worried me that it never once felt good when he was roaming my womanly forest and it panicked me “WHAT IF IT NEVER FELT GOOD! WHAT IF NO ONE CAN MAKE ME COME! THIS MEANS I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX! AHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU VAGINA!!” that kind of thing…
I should explain once again that I have not had the best relationship with my Va-je-je…when I was born I had an infected uterus (I see you salivating at the thought) and had a lot of “Down there trouble”…that has cleared up now thanks...ladies please don’t be afraid of my v-hole she’s OK now…right ok what is my reason for rambling about mangy stuff…well from the ages of 4-6 I had these hideous sharp cream tampon like things stuffed up the valley and lemme tell you those suckers HURT like hell and the nurse shoving ‘em into me wasn’t the nicest. So I guess my poor old lady was associated with pain for quite a long time….but I am rambling about nothing…I guess my point is I didn’t like things being stuffed into me…..
So my first vibrators were my way of saying “ok vagina let’s see if we can do this” because I was sick of all this Freudian fear of penetration stuff I had read about.
Now you’re up to speed with my lady garden and all its problems let’s get back to the point…So back to my dorm room just opened my brown package and was very excited, my rabbit was very pretty and pink and non scary, the bullet vibe was small and simple but the other one was clearly designed from a guys point of view it was hard, and plastic and blue and very non sexy. It took me a while to work up the nerve to actual USE my new toys, I was alone in the flat my housemates all gone home for the weekend, so I pulled it out and tried. I have to admit it disappointed me that I wasn’t writhing in the grasps of pleasure after 10 seconds in fact it was down right painful and I gave up. It wasn’t until after my disastrous one night stand that I got the courage to try again…I forgot trying to imagine some stallion ramming me as “normal” girls had told me had mate it all better…I let myself think about myself and that was enough and this time…OH EM GEE! Possibly the BEST orgasm I’d ever had because of the sweet relief that I COULD tolerate something up my glory space! Slowly I allowed those hidden thought of girls to come into my head and they got better and so I’d finally done it….
Now that was 2 years ago since then I’ve invested in3 new vibrators and have a new love. I ADORE my caterpillar it’s purple, soft fits just right, and the clit stimulator is AWESOME! It’s a very nice little gadget…anyways I have to say being a single girl I am not averse to having some alone time. However lately I have not been enjoying myself at all…it’s become very hollow and an ache for something that simply isn’t there. The sensation is still there and still good but then it vanishes and you stare at the ceiling realising you’re alone, in your bed, listening to Lady GaGa that covers the orgasmic moans of ecstasy and banging coming from next door. It’s brought me close to tears a couple of times because I am tragic and ponder things more than is perhaps good for me. But the problem is there are no kisses, no whispers, no contact what so ever and I miss that, and I’m not an easy person to get close too…I have serious issues with body image but It’s not even that, I’ve had some bad experiences in the past which have deemed me unfit for any kind of human contact by other people…not pleasant…the thing is at this stage of my life I’m simply GAGGING for a relationship…not in a creepy way…well maybe…but I’m ready to attempt an actual human connection because I am more than ready, my fear of intimacy has been shattered. I’ll keep you up to posted but I sense it’s going to be a while before the word “date” or heaven forbid “girlfriend” crops up here.
So what was this journey through my night time roaming around my “flower” about? Why have I told you all this?
I guess I don’t know it’s been part of my self discovery and coming out so thought I’d share.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
WARNING THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT ALL THINGS DOWN THERE! IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH A SLIGHTLY CHUBBY GEEK TALKING ABOUT THE NASTY RUN AWAY….NOW!!
SERIOUSLY!
…..
Right let’s get down to it…
Masturbation as you know from previous blogs is something I wholeheartedly endorse it and am not afraid to talk about. I am about to reveal some rather random and potentially incriminating secrets and wasn’t going to type these thoughts up but I thought “Sod it” the whole purpose I started this blog was to write about my experience as a young freshly out woman, good or bad, funny or sad….so while this is by no means “a sex blog” it is about me and I’ve tried to remain honest (I am self in the knowledge my mother is completely baffled by our digital microwave never mind a computer)
I bought my first official vibrator when I was 18 and in fact I bought more than one (I know I am full of surprises)...I chickened out of going to “Anne Summer” to actual buy one in person (despite dragging many of my male friends in there to wave testers in their appalled faces, before being banned on several occasions when I was a teenager) I waited till I was moved away from home with free access to the web and had a separate mailing address to my mother With the VAST choice out there I settled on a Rabbit pearl, a little bullet vibe and a random remote controlled waterproof number. I was giddy waiting for my “discreet” package to arrive, like a kid waiting for their birthday to arrive so they can rip of the wrapper and play. So when I finally got the note from the security lodge telling me to go sign for something I was delighted with myself as I walked knowingly back to my flat with the big, brown package and instantly locked myself in my room to admire my new toys.
I should explain that I was till pretending to be straight and had a peculiar fear I’m sure a few people have had, why couldn’t I have an orgasm? I’d of course had plenty but they were the result of a late night shuffle and a back massager and had only been clitoral and with myself…I’d tried using my own hand but really disliked the sensation of my own hand being there…I figured I needed it to be someone else touching me and making my fireworks. SOMEHOW I’d managed to get myself a Boyfriend the summer before I went off to university…well boyfriends a loss term…I used to sneak out and we used to go to comic book stores and argue before going to Starbucks then back to his to “watch” DVDs….which eventually lead to us semi naked in his room…it was kind of tragic but the best a girl that looks like me could have hoped for. He wasn’t a bad looking bloke, in fact he was quite cute, he had his own flat, a decent job and more importantly he didn’t seem to mind kissing me in public when sober. He was generally a nice guy but did have some genuinely horrible qualities like not acknowledging me to his friends but being all over me when we were alone but on the whole he was an OK guy. The problem was I felt SO uncomfortable and completely turned off when we were getting down to it that it pretty much put me off sex. I mean he was a good kisser and for a straight girl I’m sure he’d have been adequate if not very good in the sack (we never DID IT properly…No I was no lady of the night I was waiting for the right guy…who turned out to be a one night stand who couldn’t keep it up who seduced me when I was drunk and refused to acknowledge anything had happened but tried to make small talk every time he saw me)…ahem…he even had a big chunk of manhood. But Over the 3 months of our sordid affairs where I begrudgingly allowed his erect todger nudge me in places…and
I never came once….not for lack of trying but something else….it worried me that it never once felt good when he was roaming my womanly forest and it panicked me “WHAT IF IT NEVER FELT GOOD! WHAT IF NO ONE CAN MAKE ME COME! THIS MEANS I CAN NEVER HAVE SEX! AHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU VAGINA!!” that kind of thing…
I should explain once again that I have not had the best relationship with my Va-je-je…when I was born I had an infected uterus (I see you salivating at the thought) and had a lot of “Down there trouble”…that has cleared up now thanks...ladies please don’t be afraid of my v-hole she’s OK now…right ok what is my reason for rambling about mangy stuff…well from the ages of 4-6 I had these hideous sharp cream tampon like things stuffed up the valley and lemme tell you those suckers HURT like hell and the nurse shoving ‘em into me wasn’t the nicest. So I guess my poor old lady was associated with pain for quite a long time….but I am rambling about nothing…I guess my point is I didn’t like things being stuffed into me…..
So my first vibrators were my way of saying “ok vagina let’s see if we can do this” because I was sick of all this Freudian fear of penetration stuff I had read about.
Now you’re up to speed with my lady garden and all its problems let’s get back to the point…So back to my dorm room just opened my brown package and was very excited, my rabbit was very pretty and pink and non scary, the bullet vibe was small and simple but the other one was clearly designed from a guys point of view it was hard, and plastic and blue and very non sexy. It took me a while to work up the nerve to actual USE my new toys, I was alone in the flat my housemates all gone home for the weekend, so I pulled it out and tried. I have to admit it disappointed me that I wasn’t writhing in the grasps of pleasure after 10 seconds in fact it was down right painful and I gave up. It wasn’t until after my disastrous one night stand that I got the courage to try again…I forgot trying to imagine some stallion ramming me as “normal” girls had told me had mate it all better…I let myself think about myself and that was enough and this time…OH EM GEE! Possibly the BEST orgasm I’d ever had because of the sweet relief that I COULD tolerate something up my glory space! Slowly I allowed those hidden thought of girls to come into my head and they got better and so I’d finally done it….
Now that was 2 years ago since then I’ve invested in3 new vibrators and have a new love. I ADORE my caterpillar it’s purple, soft fits just right, and the clit stimulator is AWESOME! It’s a very nice little gadget…anyways I have to say being a single girl I am not averse to having some alone time. However lately I have not been enjoying myself at all…it’s become very hollow and an ache for something that simply isn’t there. The sensation is still there and still good but then it vanishes and you stare at the ceiling realising you’re alone, in your bed, listening to Lady GaGa that covers the orgasmic moans of ecstasy and banging coming from next door. It’s brought me close to tears a couple of times because I am tragic and ponder things more than is perhaps good for me. But the problem is there are no kisses, no whispers, no contact what so ever and I miss that, and I’m not an easy person to get close too…I have serious issues with body image but It’s not even that, I’ve had some bad experiences in the past which have deemed me unfit for any kind of human contact by other people…not pleasant…the thing is at this stage of my life I’m simply GAGGING for a relationship…not in a creepy way…well maybe…but I’m ready to attempt an actual human connection because I am more than ready, my fear of intimacy has been shattered. I’ll keep you up to posted but I sense it’s going to be a while before the word “date” or heaven forbid “girlfriend” crops up here.
So what was this journey through my night time roaming around my “flower” about? Why have I told you all this?
I guess I don’t know it’s been part of my self discovery and coming out so thought I’d share.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Staright girls purlease get an imagination
o.O
I think I've been mentally scarred for life...
Remember my blog when I was like "ANGELS IN AMERICA! PROP 8 BOO! STRAIGHT PEOPLE THINK YAY!"?
well maybe I was a bit pre-mature in my happiness that straight people think about us gays....well obviously we still have a ways to go....after the conversation I had on monday....
well maybe that's a bit harsh but I was still like "wtf you are not seriously asking me these questions....ok you are"
The converstaion went a little like this:
Girl 1: Emma can I ask you a question...
Emuh: Suuuuuuure
Girl 1: You know lesbians...
Emuh: I do yes...(internal-uh-oh radar up)
Girl 1: Are you like scared of penetration?
Emuh: -Blank stare-
Girl 2: Yeah what do you guys do? I mean gay guys you understand holes and...yeah but with lesbians..
Emuh: No we're not scarred of penetration...if it's done right
Girl 3: How?
Emuh: well 2 sets of hands....
Girls: Ewwwwwwww!!!
Girl 3: yeah but we do that as forplay
Emuh: Yeah but if it's done right
Girl 2: why do you use strap ons? why not just f*** a guy?
Emuh: Because...that's like you having sex with a girl wearing a strap on...it's about attraction
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Everyone thinks the primary sex act is just oral but there is SOOOOO much more
Girl 3: like what?
Emuh: -getting increasingly embarrased- there's all sorts, lik erm grinding, strap ons, fmannual, mutal....
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Sorry...
OK am I the only one who thinks it's weird that the question "what lesbians do in bed" is irrelevant in this day and age?
Luckily I have no problem talking bout sex...(its the only experiance I have of sex right now...grumble) but for serious? come on girls watch the L word sometime...or buy a book...or you know...have some lesbian sex -shrugs-
Don't be a tourist
That's all really
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
I think I've been mentally scarred for life...
Remember my blog when I was like "ANGELS IN AMERICA! PROP 8 BOO! STRAIGHT PEOPLE THINK YAY!"?
well maybe I was a bit pre-mature in my happiness that straight people think about us gays....well obviously we still have a ways to go....after the conversation I had on monday....
well maybe that's a bit harsh but I was still like "wtf you are not seriously asking me these questions....ok you are"
The converstaion went a little like this:
Girl 1: Emma can I ask you a question...
Emuh: Suuuuuuure
Girl 1: You know lesbians...
Emuh: I do yes...(internal-uh-oh radar up)
Girl 1: Are you like scared of penetration?
Emuh: -Blank stare-
Girl 2: Yeah what do you guys do? I mean gay guys you understand holes and...yeah but with lesbians..
Emuh: No we're not scarred of penetration...if it's done right
Girl 3: How?
Emuh: well 2 sets of hands....
Girls: Ewwwwwwww!!!
Girl 3: yeah but we do that as forplay
Emuh: Yeah but if it's done right
Girl 2: why do you use strap ons? why not just f*** a guy?
Emuh: Because...that's like you having sex with a girl wearing a strap on...it's about attraction
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Everyone thinks the primary sex act is just oral but there is SOOOOO much more
Girl 3: like what?
Emuh: -getting increasingly embarrased- there's all sorts, lik erm grinding, strap ons, fmannual, mutal....
Girls: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Emuh: Sorry...
OK am I the only one who thinks it's weird that the question "what lesbians do in bed" is irrelevant in this day and age?
Luckily I have no problem talking bout sex...(its the only experiance I have of sex right now...grumble) but for serious? come on girls watch the L word sometime...or buy a book...or you know...have some lesbian sex -shrugs-
Don't be a tourist
That's all really
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Em
x
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