Saturday, 13 December 2008

Get me out of the GAY BAR! GAY BAR!

Bonjour again my friends

todays topic is the incestuous pool of filth with call the gay bar!!


I hear you all cry "Emuh do not call our only real source of sociolizing filthy it's a beautiful thing!"

and my friends respond with... "The hell it is!!!"

Now I am the right person top comment on the whole situation because :
A-I'm not a fan of clubs...any clubs
B-I've been dragged threw all kinds of wanted debauchery
C-I remeber everything that's happened no matter how drunk I get....

So what is wrong with gay bars?

where to start is a better not get me wrong I would rather be in a gay bar skulking in the corner listening to "All I want for christmas" in July than endurring the sight of hetero-sexual mating rituals but we have to be honest here...Gay bars are usual sleezy.

Now it may just be I've had bad luck in being British and have only experianced the pure cheese on offer but generally they've been awful. for starters there's non stop drama but what do you expect when you have the complete cities population of gays packed into 3 diffrent bars on the 2 cheapest nights on offer? seriously it's all kissing, and crying, and kissing, and yelling, and "you looked at her!" and "you kissed him!"and "I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" swiftly followed by declarations of mad passionate love. It's entertaing to watch but sooner or later we're all gonna end up in somebody else's drama.

My second gripe is the blatent meat marketing that goes any moment you are being scored on looks and shagability by at least 3 people and if you're not...that's a bad sign. It's that horrible feeling of being watched and knowing that no one is looking at you and marking you higher than a 2.4 de-pressed. If on the off chance someone does indeed deem you worthy of an approach you have to prepair for either complete rejection once you open your mouth or an escape plan for when they open theres. It's an overly complicated system of cat and mouse the girl your looking at is trying to run away from you and you from the mad woman trying to touch your feels so dirty.

OK being a big ol' lesbian I have discovered that gay bars are for gay men and their straight girlfriends. Hence the feeling of being out-numbered and the overwhelming urge to find a woman...ANY woman that is the slightest bit lesbianoic in her out look and this is where the "OMG I didn't really pull that woman last night did I? she was butchier than Desperate Dan!*" it's getting akward now. This is wher ethe incest comes in again....eventualy all lesbians make the rounds if you stay in a town long enough because there aren't enough of us in ratio it's bad times.

OK this blog has been whinny enough but here is my final gripe with gay bars...they are FULL of STRAIGHT PEOPLE!!! Seriously what the hell!!!!??!?! I mean come on we haven't got that many bars to start with couldn't you stick to the 26 clubs you have and leave us our 4?? I'm so sick of witnessing straight people hooking up in gay clubs when I can't even get a girl to look at me (see "meat marketing"). I'm sorry equality for everyone is fine with me but until 2 gay guys can make out in straight town without getting lynched or 2 girls do without the aid of Katy Perry I'm saying STICK THE HELL TO YOUR OWN CLUBS!!! FOR SERIOUS!!! It's icky I was hit on by 3 guys last night in a place called "Tutti Fruitti"...why the hell did they think I was there? I couldn't have looked more gay if I had tried!! and yet still there they are "let me get you a drink" how about hell no you can't now let me get back to ye fucking that girl over there I may have a chance with! oh no she's gone thanks a lot dude you just ruined my night :( ATTENTION BREDDERS-GET OUTTSA MY CLUB!!!!!

Damn it...I'm to old and cranky to be going clubbing...I'm happier with a beer, a pizza and a re--run "D.E.B.S"...have you guys ever been to a nice gay friendly bar? cool ones that don't play cheesy pop from the 90s or extreme dance? please let me know...tell your stories in the comments



Pip pip


*Emuh has nothing against butchy girls they are as awesome as can be they're just not her type...please don't hate fact call me try to change my mind ;)

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