Thursday, 10 February 2011

And now for something completly different....

Blog fans

This isn't going to be one of my simply HILLLLLARIOUS looks at life as a failing lesbian Lothario , so please feel free to ignore me until I come back next week with another entry.

Tomorrow marks the 9th anniversary of the worst day of my life.

My dad, who was my hero and best friend died on the 11th February 2002 and was cremated on Valentines day. Hence my hatred of this time of year....

But while I have grown up, and the pain of his loss has eased slightly this year has had a slightly strange effect on me.

As the only person who loved me for being myself, and liked me the way I was it was extremly hard to lose him.

But now all I keep thinking "would he be proud of me?"

If I spoke to him now would the person I've grown into still be someone he'd love unconditionally?

I can't denay that I've changed a lot from the 13 year old girl that used to look up at him.

and since my life isn't exactly what I want it to be and I'm not proud of myself it's made me feel extra bad that I've let him down.

He always told me I could do and be anything I set my mind to and now that I'm just existing I feel like a total failure

would he even LIKE me now?

it's all such a complicated swirl of emotions in my poor head that I'm trying to figure out

Cherry cherry boom boom


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